Adult kids trying to run our lives

They have no right whatsoever to discuss your business amongst themselves

Eloethan does anyone really think this?
We talk to my husband's step sister about his mother.
Our children talk about us.

The thing they shouldn't do is dictate what we can/can't do.

I agree, I would be very sad if they didn't care and discuss my well being and vice versa.

NotSpaghetti

^They have no right whatsoever to discuss your business amongst themselves^

Eloethan does anyone really think this?
We talk to my husband's step sister about his mother.
Our children talk about us.

The thing they shouldn't do is dictate what we can/can't do.

Yes, I do. My partners' children are forever having discussions about their parents (and other family members). It gets reported back as "We've decided that you should ..." statements.

It's got the stage when I hold back from giving my partner personal snippets of information because I don't trust him not tell his children, who then discuss it and decide what's best. It's actually causing problems.

"We've decided that you should ..." statements would cause me problems too - it's this that is the problem though, surely, not the chatting?

NotSpaghetti

^They have no right whatsoever to discuss your business amongst themselves^

Eloethan does anyone really think this?
We talk to my husband's step sister about his mother.
Our children talk about us.

The thing they shouldn't do is dictate what we can/can't do.

Mine do discuss the future but they know exactly what my/our plans are, we don’t know when or how and not sensed any pushback. I’ve been open deliberately because I’ve seen so many other families fall apart over bereavement and inheritance

Ours know what our thoughts/plans are too (vague though they still are - because of my mother-in-law).

Maybe this is key. They know our trajectory at least - and are happy for us to do what suits us best.

Is the OP in the USA? If so maybe assisted living is cheaper there than in the UK. In the UK the vultures comment would hardly be relevant as any sort of assisted living costs a fortune and would certainly reduce the value of any potential estate.

Flippinheck

Is the OP in the USA? If so maybe assisted living is cheaper there than in the UK. In the UK the vultures comment would hardly be relevant as any sort of assisted living costs a fortune and would certainly reduce the value of any potential estate.

That's what I'm thinking re whether it's a case of "children" after the money. If they were after the money = they'd be doing their darndest not to see any of it spent on moving house or going into care or the like. So I'd say it's more a case of interpreting their moves as wondering how OP and her husband are going to manage at a "care" level - so could possibly be an element of genuine "concern for welfare"?

I'm watching from afar re an elderly widow neighbour of mine now. It's "from afar" because she's been a right wotname to me literally since Day 1 (the day she moved in). That move was a downsize - from a rather big/VERY big house if I've figured out correctly which one was her previous house.

Something has clearly happened recently - and my guess is something like heart attack/then few days in hospital. She's back now. Her adult children have been coming and going like no-one's business/it's obvious there's been some sort of adaptation work done on her home/there's now a carer coming several times daily. Obviously something major has happened healthwise - and downsizing isn't an option (as she's in a 2 bedroom bungalow anyway etc) and it's my estimate the "children" have come to the conclusion of keeping her in that bungalow partly so that none of the equity tied-up in that bungalow vanishes into carehome costs. Point being = Care home costs are expensive - the one that I chose for my father back in 2020 (when everyone was insisting he went in one - including his wife/my mother) was £1,000 or so a week.

Wyllow3 the OP clearly stated at 14:25 yesterday that trusts, POA etc are in place and the AC are aware.

CariadAgain we currently have my mother-in-law living at home (with support) after a stroke.
It would be a lot cheaper for her to be in a care home.
I have looked at several options recently but she is much happier at home.

PM me if you want to know the weekly costs!

NotSpaghetti

CariadAgain we currently have my mother-in-law living at home (with support) after a stroke.
It would be a lot cheaper for her to be in a care home.
I have looked at several options recently but she is much happier at home.

PM me if you want to know the weekly costs!

I know weekly costs are expensive too....as my mother had to have carers for a couple of months come the end.....and I'd also specified to my erstwhile brother that "She's to have the best ones"....