Thinking of leaving my husband after 45 years .

Gloriously peaceful.
Congratulations on making the decision to no longer put up with his abuse.
I wish you well.

Better , east12, much better.

Yes, peaceful. A weight lifts. It’s liberating. I say this after 23 abusive years but I was much younger than you.

Better, much much better, do it before you lose courage.

east12, before you make your move, please plan where you will live, what your income will be and its source, what budget you need, etc.

Otherwise you risk moving into a different mess.

I wish you well.

Much happier east12, and I speak from experience!
Wishing you all the many good things you deserve
going forward, ever forward, you won't look back x

Agree with all of the above. Congratulations - been there, done that.
Enjoy the rest of you life ?

I agree with previous posters — life is much nicer once you are on your own. I wasn’t abused, just incompatible for 24 years. Don’t waste any more of your life.

Well it could be a lonely life albeit a healthier one. I don't advocate staying in an abusive marriage but the path ahead will not be strewn with roses. You need to consider your income post the split. Your now husband will not be compelled to financially support you in your single hood! Naturally you will be awarded a settlement but presumably you will need to buy a property? Just think it through very carefully before you make a move. Do you have a trustworthy friend in whom you can confide?

Get a lawyer as soon as possible!

Just wanted to say "Good Luck" x

DorothyGlamours advice is spot on east12.
You wont regret leaving him,i did it after over 30 odd years and never looked back.

You sold your soul it seems.
Now you’ll get it back.

My response to o/p question is simply this, if you don’t leave him you never find out.

Thistledon talks of a lonely life in a somewhat negative tone. This I do not understand, partly because many of us exist happily alone. I am sure that the o/p has already experienced shocking loneliness in her presents circumstances.

East12 fear nothing and take whatever steps necessary to improve your life.

Life will be better. Good on you for making this decision.

Being without a bully in your life will be the BEST of EVERYTHING.
You will need to sort yourself out where to go live money etc and then go ?

I think a lot of us have reached your position at different times in our lives. I can think of friends who left and are very happy,others who are lonely and yet another who lives in one half of the house and her husband in the other.
Have you got the backing of any family members and will they be there for you? You are going to need support. If you feel you can cope then do what you want. No one should suffer abuse be it mental or physical.

It's great to be an independent woman, in charge of your own life. Good luck to you.

DorothyGlamour

east12, before you make your move, please plan where you will live, what your income will be and its source, what budget you need, etc.

Otherwise you risk moving into a different mess.

I wish you well.

This!

I wish I'd found out sooner how living alone is wonderful

You and me both!

You will be much happier on your own. No-one should stay with an abusive spouse.

Apart from getting financial advice, discuss the whole matter honestly with a solicitor. You need to know how to go about proving that you are divorcing your husband for cruelty and what to do about taking out an injunction against him if he tries to force his way into your new home.

An abusive husband will often refuse to accept that his wife has left him. In our time my husband and I have helped more than one young or not so young woman phone the police and the ambulance because her ex-husband refused to accept that he could not just turn up and force an entry into her home and demand the contents of her household purse.

I’ve been married for 54 years and I’m reminded every day, sometimes several times a day, by his behaviour towards me that I’ve been incredibly stupid not to have left him on one of the three occasions over the last 25 years or so that I intended to go. His age has always been a difficult factor in the decision as he is 18 years older than me.

When I was 52 (and had put an offer in on a house for myself) I finally couldn’t bring myself to leave a 70 year old who I’ve often thought had ‘issues’ possibly ASD related. Today he is 91, behaves no better towards me and I am still here.

Over the year I’ve developed coping mechanisms, have a reasonably comfortable lifestyle but do not have what I consider to be a good life. I threw that away because I didn’t put myself first when considering the way ahead.

Don’t be like me.

Put all your eggs in basket work out your finances seek solicitor advice and go east12 I can’t think of anything worse than living with an abuser, you say you have always had the best of everything as he earns well, but that’s just material things, I’d put peace of mind and contentment over material things from a abusive man anyway of the week! Good luck to you