He needs to ask his adult children before proposal!

I think it’s quite right that he has big plans and wants to tell his daughters first. My brother in law made sure that I knew he was planning to remarry, he had no need my sister had died several years before, I very much appreciated it.

Not sure that how you feel about his daughter bodes well for a marriage and the future. Have you thought through how your relationship with her would be and how it might impact on your Husband to be?

Would it not be better just to retain him as friend and lover but not as husband ?

Crikey, you are so distrustful of his family, and possessive of what you see as your own house and money, it is not really your concern if your partner gives money to his adult children if your finances are separate anyway. Poor bloke planning a romantic weekend and you checking your house deeds.

I can't believe how scathing some posts are, you have no idea of my situation and story that led me to today. There's so much more I could say .

Ffoxglove, you describe dasein , as Heidegger never did.

No, you're right Ffoxglove, some posts, including mine, are possibly a bit scathing, but I did base mine on the information you provided! As many others have discovered, if you post on GN for an opinion, you will get one, not a sycophantic support group who will always take your side

There is a lot more to this than meets the eye. Relationships with adult children can be a minefield, whether by blood or remarriage.
It seems a bit unfair to be judgemental about the OP wanting to secure her property for her own descendants. Surely that is sensible?

Thanks Cabbie. I just want to put a few things straight here.
At 18 I bought my own house, (yes 18!) And went on to buy 3 more before I married and put all this capital into the marital home. I then worked pt due to child care. I was in a manipulative coercive abusive relationship which because of a very stressy situation left me signing away all I ever worked for plus half my inheritance. But that's another story, so forgive me but I have learned the very hard way and I won't let my kids lose their inheritance ie my home. Incidentally my guy has debts which I have helped him pay and we have joint finances so I am far from the gold digger you might think I am. I've learned money isn't everything but it certainly helps. I'm facing a dismal future with a tiny pension, he has none but I love him and that's all that counts, I just want love and affection after having a hard time. I just found it a little odd but now from what some posters have said (thank you) I think he's just being polite which is fine.
I just wished he hadn't spoiled the surprise although he had talked to me that he did want to get married.

Also...it may sound mercenary but this time round I shall be taking legal advice I want to protect him too whilst making sure what's left of what I have goes where I want it to.
Unfortunately I didn't get round to making this will before we go on holiday to the other side of the world this weekend ?

Have a lovely holiday.
But- do think seriously about whether you need/want to get married. As a gran of advanced years not sure I would- maybe a live in partner is enough? What benefit is it to you to be married? Be protective of your hard earned home- keep it as yours & for your family. You’ve helped him get rid of debts why share everything you own?

Is important to you to protect your finances - so don't get married.
Have a blessing ceremony if you want, but don't get tied up in legality.

A lot of people just get engaged these days and leave it there, it's definitely an option

Well as my post has been deleted and I wouldn't have thought it the least bit offensive I would say think what you really want, watch the interplay, judge what you think is happening and act accordingly but make sure it is to your benefit and finances.

Caleo

Ffoxglove, you describe dasein , as Heidegger never did.

That's very deep, Caleo ?

If you marry and die before your husband isn’t he then automatically joint owner of your home regardless of your will? He in turn would probably leave everything to his children.
Do get legal advice before getting married.

Callistemon, I hoped a fish might bite.

Caleo I have no idea what you are referring to!!
I am 59 so not too old but realise indeed to grab all the happiness I can!
I am cautious after my last marriage but you'd expect that after my experience.

Ffoxglove, I was think of how nobody else can really walk in anyone else's shoes, and how language however skilled is insufficient to explain how a person is situated. I thought that was the general direction of your reply that my comment followed.

My excuse for writing philosophy is that I know it's a minority interest but it's not impossible that someone else here would also be interested in it.

If I were planning to remarry I would definitely discuss with my children; not ask their permission, just discuss. There would be big legal implications regarding inheritance, and they would of course be concerned for my well-being and need reassurance.

But I have to say that your response about money makes me wonder how secure you feel in this relationship.

Caleo

Callistemon, I hoped a fish might bite.

When I read it yesterday, I thought it was a typo for something. ?

Today, when I realized it wasn't, I googled it. I didn't understand the definition. ?

On the plus side, I've decided to do some reading.

So thank you! Always good to have one's thoughts pushed in a new direction. ?

Carenza123

If your relationship is great - why bother to get married? You sound like an independent person. Jealousy rears its head with adult children, but then he has more to gain from marrying you. Don’t rush into anything.

That is my attitude I’m independant the relationship is very good, I would probably say “yes” if he asked - but he’s not going to. He has 3 adult daughters and early in the relationship he made it plain that marriage was out of the question, my response was “you will look after me”, 3 yrs on he has done just that.

My relationship with his daughters is excellent because there is no suspicion of being a “gold digger “ and I’ve been welcomed into his extensive family without any reservations, because they also know there will be no wedding.

I think I'd rather have a non legal commitment ceremony but to be honest I don't want the whole wedding thing, it'd be an expectation that his GD would be bridesmaid etc I'd just want me and him it's not a show just a commitment to each other. I'd also change my name.

I think you are spot on eazybee.

I would be wary of any grown man that felt he had to ask permission from his ACs before doing anything.

It's one thing discussing things with them, but it's another needing their approval.

What business is it of theirs if you get married or not??