He needs to ask his adult children before proposal!

I assumed the same as Yoga:
I would not have taken that to him going to ask permission but rather to let his daughter know in person, particularly if her mother is deceased.
I thought that he was just trying to keep the daughter in the loop.

You have the property which you want to protect for your grown children. Your partner has debts and no property to speak of by the sounds of it. He is going to basically ask his daughters opinion of you uniting in marriage. Have you asked your GC their opinion of marriage to your partner just curious.
I would have had my will sorted out and personally I would leave the marriage idea for now. I would see how your relationship progresses as there appears to be trust issues which would make me wary.

In the event I were likely to remarry in the future, my choice would be for my 'intended' to quietly make one of my children aware he was going to propose. I see nothing strange in it.

Disregard above it’s been so long I forgot I responded.

It can be a serious issue involving second relationships including mine.

OH is a widower with 3 daughters, a large extended family, and considerable property, within a few weeks of us dating he made it clear that marriage was not an option. Everyone knows what the relationship is and have accepted me without reservation, not as his wife’s replacement but as dads companion. With no worries about me stealing their inheritance.

The main attraction is that I am valued as a partner and we have many joint interests and similar values. Every relationship different and in many cases it is the woman who has the wealth, whatever it is make sure you are getting a good deal out of living together.

It’s two months since the OP went on holiday and she never let us know if he did propose so there’s really no point in continuing to give advice.

I would be wary of any grown man that felt he had to ask permission from his ACs before doing anything.

It's one thing discussing things with them, but it's another needing their approval.

What business is it of theirs if you get married or not??

I think you are spot on eazybee.

I think I'd rather have a non legal commitment ceremony but to be honest I don't want the whole wedding thing, it'd be an expectation that his GD would be bridesmaid etc I'd just want me and him it's not a show just a commitment to each other. I'd also change my name.

Carenza123

If your relationship is great - why bother to get married? You sound like an independent person. Jealousy rears its head with adult children, but then he has more to gain from marrying you. Don’t rush into anything.

That is my attitude I’m independant the relationship is very good, I would probably say “yes” if he asked - but he’s not going to. He has 3 adult daughters and early in the relationship he made it plain that marriage was out of the question, my response was “you will look after me”, 3 yrs on he has done just that.

My relationship with his daughters is excellent because there is no suspicion of being a “gold digger “ and I’ve been welcomed into his extensive family without any reservations, because they also know there will be no wedding.

Caleo

Callistemon, I hoped a fish might bite.

When I read it yesterday, I thought it was a typo for something. ?

Today, when I realized it wasn't, I googled it. I didn't understand the definition. ?

On the plus side, I've decided to do some reading.

So thank you! Always good to have one's thoughts pushed in a new direction. ?

If I were planning to remarry I would definitely discuss with my children; not ask their permission, just discuss. There would be big legal implications regarding inheritance, and they would of course be concerned for my well-being and need reassurance.

But I have to say that your response about money makes me wonder how secure you feel in this relationship.

Ffoxglove, I was think of how nobody else can really walk in anyone else's shoes, and how language however skilled is insufficient to explain how a person is situated. I thought that was the general direction of your reply that my comment followed.

My excuse for writing philosophy is that I know it's a minority interest but it's not impossible that someone else here would also be interested in it.

Caleo I have no idea what you are referring to!!
I am 59 so not too old but realise indeed to grab all the happiness I can!
I am cautious after my last marriage but you'd expect that after my experience.

Callistemon, I hoped a fish might bite.

If you marry and die before your husband isn’t he then automatically joint owner of your home regardless of your will? He in turn would probably leave everything to his children.
Do get legal advice before getting married.

Caleo

Ffoxglove, you describe dasein , as Heidegger never did.

That's very deep, Caleo ?

Well as my post has been deleted and I wouldn't have thought it the least bit offensive I would say think what you really want, watch the interplay, judge what you think is happening and act accordingly but make sure it is to your benefit and finances.

A lot of people just get engaged these days and leave it there, it's definitely an option

Is important to you to protect your finances - so don't get married.
Have a blessing ceremony if you want, but don't get tied up in legality.

Have a lovely holiday.
But- do think seriously about whether you need/want to get married. As a gran of advanced years not sure I would- maybe a live in partner is enough? What benefit is it to you to be married? Be protective of your hard earned home- keep it as yours & for your family. You’ve helped him get rid of debts why share everything you own?

Also...it may sound mercenary but this time round I shall be taking legal advice I want to protect him too whilst making sure what's left of what I have goes where I want it to.
Unfortunately I didn't get round to making this will before we go on holiday to the other side of the world this weekend ?

Thanks Cabbie. I just want to put a few things straight here.
At 18 I bought my own house, (yes 18!) And went on to buy 3 more before I married and put all this capital into the marital home. I then worked pt due to child care. I was in a manipulative coercive abusive relationship which because of a very stressy situation left me signing away all I ever worked for plus half my inheritance. But that's another story, so forgive me but I have learned the very hard way and I won't let my kids lose their inheritance ie my home. Incidentally my guy has debts which I have helped him pay and we have joint finances so I am far from the gold digger you might think I am. I've learned money isn't everything but it certainly helps. I'm facing a dismal future with a tiny pension, he has none but I love him and that's all that counts, I just want love and affection after having a hard time. I just found it a little odd but now from what some posters have said (thank you) I think he's just being polite which is fine.
I just wished he hadn't spoiled the surprise although he had talked to me that he did want to get married.

There is a lot more to this than meets the eye. Relationships with adult children can be a minefield, whether by blood or remarriage.
It seems a bit unfair to be judgemental about the OP wanting to secure her property for her own descendants. Surely that is sensible?

No, you're right Ffoxglove, some posts, including mine, are possibly a bit scathing, but I did base mine on the information you provided! As many others have discovered, if you post on GN for an opinion, you will get one, not a sycophantic support group who will always take your side