Son angry that I am friendlier with other son’s parents

You’ve received good advice already. I would just repeat what someone up thread said. He will have issues whatever you do. It’s his mindset.
I think you have to tell him what you’ve told us. You’re no longer going to play these silly games. You love him very much, and always will, but he’s spoiling valuable time with your other sons and families.
The one thing you can do...is to help him get help, because something doesn’t sound right with his mental health, but it shouldn’t be to the detriment of the rest of you.
I do feel for you, and hope you can find a solution.

It’s the hardest thing when having a relationship with someone with mental health issues, you can’t say the right thing, it’s as if you have to just agree with whatever they come out with at the time, obviously this is impossible, so in the end they can alienate themselves. Mental illness comes in so many forms, you need the wisdom of Solomon to navigate it, in the
end you have to protect yourself or you could end up falling out. I send you best wishes Notisgran,

Thank you so much for all these responses .
They all offer something to think about- please keep posting your own experiences or thoughts .
Justwokeup- you have described me to a T - wound up , worried and introspective.
I’ve just been dwelling on the fact that if we create some distance ( and after the recent text storm my husband and myself really need space) we will be reinforcing and proving the narrative that we don’t care/ have favourites.
I also recognise the truth of the post above re not being able to communicate normally with my son. He rejects / blanks anything we say .
Time to speak to his wife again but they are both very private and I think any but the most tentative of questions will be seen as prying .
Mouseybrown what you say rings so many bells with me. If you are willing to give any more details re diagnosis/ behaviour I’d be very grateful
Thank you all

My heart goes out to you. I would prefer to send you a private message tomorrow but I’m not sure how to do it but I’m sure someone will be able to assist me. I don’t really want to say publicly what her diagnosis was, not that she accepted it then nor now.

Sounds to me like he has mental health issues. He brings an awful lot of drama to your lives so perhaps just keep contact to a minimum. If he starts ranting on just let him get it off his chest and then subtely change the subject .

Mouseybrown60

My heart goes out to you. I would prefer to send you a private message tomorrow but I’m not sure how to do it but I’m sure someone will be able to assist me. I don’t really want to say publicly what her diagnosis was, not that she accepted it then nor now.

Just press ‘ private message’ next to notthisagain’s post, any of them.

Thanks DiscoDancer1965.
I don’t know why I couldn’t see that yesterday!
Private message has been sent to OP.