Gift of Friendship

Why not just talk to her about this? It sounds as if she feels gift giving is perhaps superfluous, and maybe she has found it a struggle to either afford a present, or think of one, or both. I don't see this as a reflection upon her friendship with you. We have stopped gift giving with several couples as we have all struggled to find something original, so we go for a meal soon after Christmas to brighten the winter months. (Some catching up to do this year, of course!)

Airyflyingfairy... I feel your sadness , people who I thought were my friends have disappeared on me too , leaving me feeling a bit like a fool for believing I meant more to them than I actually did . It's upsetting . But in the same situation as you , when the same has been said to me , I've replied to with " why ? do you not want to bother anymore or something ?" Then they come it with something like " well I just thought it was a bit pointless ..blah blah blah " so I've just replied with " fine I won't bother anymore then" . Maybe you could take a similar stance. It does hurt , but they're also not the person you thought they were, which says more about them than you . (That's if money isn't a problem for them) if it is lack of money , rethink the situation. But as you've stated , it's not the case . Cut your losses and save yourself further upset . You've got other friends.

For the last few Christmases I've seen Martin Lewis saying that people should consider not buying gifts for friends and family, partly because half the time one party might not be able to afford a gift but feels compelled to do so because someone bought them one. There's also the thing about not knowing what to buy and many gifts ending up being shoved in the back of a cupboard or being sent to the charity shop.

I saw my best friend at the weekend (we're bubbled) and it's her birthday next week so I took her card and gift with me. We've been great friends for 15yrs+ and we both struggle with finding something for each other at Christmas and on birthdays.

We do both like nice candles but it feels a bit boring buying the same thing year in year out, we've bought journals, cookery books, dog inspired gifts (we've both got spaniels), calendars, diaries, etc. I mentioned this weekend that it's getting difficult to find nice gifts and dropped a subtle hint that I never use calendars or paper diaries although I know she does and that maybe we could just do a nice card and (as we already do) gifts for the dogs or arrange to go out for a nice meal somewhere but she said it's nice to get a little something (we both live alone and have very little in the way of family), so I'll be continuing to pull my hair out whilst searching for something nice for her for Christmas and I'm sure she'll be doing the same.

I do not give my friends gifts. Some remember to send a card for my birthday which I find quite embarrassing as I only send cards to my immediate family members.

She still wants to be friends but is thinking ahead and making life easier,just send her nice cards with a meaningful message.

My closest friend of over 40 years and I have never really exchanged birthday or xmas gifts.

Occasionally if I come across something ad hoc that I know she would really like or appreciate, I will get it for her.

The last thing I bought her was some toilet roll when it was all going a bit crazy with this last year. She was absoutely made up with it.

I have several close and longstanding friends:we have never thought of buying each other presents, but just love spending time with each other when we can. I think you are overthinking it. It doesn't mean she doesn't care about you.
I wasn't brought up to buy presents for everyone, and it doesn't really cross my mind apart from my grandsons and own children.

Wow! Some comments are mean. Good luck to you, whatever happens, AiryFlyingFairy.

You ard reading too much into to it l think. You reach a point when you are older where you cannot be bothered,we are all financial able to buy what we want and when we need it.She more than likely still values your friendship but does not want the hessle of gift buying.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

If she’s mentioned it to you twice I’d say she just can’t be arsed with the whole shop, wrap, buy procedure, a lot of us feel the same. I’ve got 5 very good friends and we’ve been friends for over 40 years now. Many years ago we always bought each other presents and gradually (thank God) it dwindled away. I cannot remember how but I do know I was relieved when it happened as it’s enough buying for family without friends as well. Now we just buy for each other a small thoughtful gift on our ‘0’ birthdays, I can cope with that every 10 years. Maybe that’s how your friend is feeling especially with all that’s happened over the past 18 months and shops closed etc. The other thing I do with my best friend is on or whenever we see each other around our birthdays just the once a year, we treat each other to lunch or dinner somewhere nice or a cream tea, which is lovely. Maybe you could do that instead but don’t lose a good friendship for the sake of a pressie, just casually mention ‘maybe we ought to forget the pressie lark now how do you feel?’ She’s possibly embarrassed and hoping you will say something to her.

I have 4 friends in a group and we don’t all live in the same country. In March 2020 I handed the last Xmas gift of 2019 to one. So Xmas last year I said I think it’s crazy we’re all trying to do Xmas gifts so if you don’t mind I’m going to bow out. To which they all said great it’s such a pain to send yo other countries. Also you’re friend might not to able to afford it and is trying a nice way of getting out of the 20 year habit.

I find friendships change in little ways throughout the years but it doesn't mean your relationship is at risk. C19 has changed a couple of my friends in different ways that I don't take personally. I'm sorry if you feel hurt, but it may not be a big deal. You can have a chat if it is bothering you rather than think the worst, it may be not important at all.

As I get older I find I want "things" less and I don't need anything in particular so I would be happy to stop buying presents for friends. However, if we do buy for each other it is usually wine or chocolates which are a nice treat and don't clutter up my home. I think she just wants to stop the presents but I don't think this indicates the end of your friendship.

Perhaps you friend was in some kind of financial difficulty but didn't wan't to play the 'poor me' so decided to test the water on how offended you would be.

I don’t buy gifts for friends I create them I make fruited gins and put in fancy little bottles. I make little fairy gardens and fill nice empty bottles with flowers and led lights. I make lots of jams and pickles from what I have grown. My few friends are not crafty or cooks so it’s a treat for them my treasured friends for near on forty years.