Porn

For me it is respect that defines "normal" - porn is not about respect; it is about exploitation.

Exactly,Well said Luckygirl,

It CAN be destructive but so can alcohol, prescription and illegal drugs, gambling...the list is long.

My main concern is the phrase ' he laughs when I try to seduce him'. Most husbands are delighted when their wives try to seduce them, so I think there is a problem with your relationship and it isn't just his porn habit.

Those things you mention are what person does to Themselves!

Well Bridgeit the OP didn't say she was coerced or bullied into watching it or participating, not can you say, with any certainty, whether those bring paid to perform on video or pose in mags, are exploited, bullied etc. into taking part.
Students often use it as a way of making money even housewives take part with their husband's blessing.
One cannot assume the worst just because you yourself don't agree with it.
Yes, some are coerced but then again, some are not and who's to know the percentages.

No they don't always do it to themselves. One can be coerced into drinking and into drug use too.

This made me smile but really because of a personal matter which happened yesterday. I was trying to log into a bank when the next screen gave me five selections of the type of porn I would like to watch. I didn't opt for any but turns out I had omitted one word in the initial address!

Correction. not nor bring being

Oops! Kim19
You might get inundated with unwanted 'selections' from now on.

I respect myself and my OH and previously my exH. That does not mean we didn't explore other routes to the same destination.

He sounds insecure and unsure of his sexual abilities now...hence his defence of laughing at you.

The big question is....do you still want to be with him?
If so...I would try to find a couple therapist.

I’m with Gabriella here, just like drinking, gambling or drugs it isn’t always destructive. Nearly all men look at porn, some of it is no more than explicit love making and many women would enjoy that, of course there is also the nasty content that is very distasteful. Watching pornography does not mean that your partner does not love you, or that you are inadequate in any way, it is mostly titillation.

If the OP or any other women have this issue I suggest asking your partner to find some nice porn, just search female friendly and watch it together, you may be surprised by the results.

Porn is a fact of life, treat it just like drink or gambling, a tipple or a flutter is nice, too much is an addiction.

The problem with porn is that it’s made by men for men. If women made porn it would be totally different. Often porn is extreme and men being men really do believe that some women enjoy having 5-6 men inserting all sorts of things into every orifice. The reason the women are paid so much is because it’s not easy to pretend they’re enjoying it. Men are wired differently to women sexually. There has always been porn but with the advent of smart phones it’s become so accessible to youngsters. Apparently anal sex is now the norm for teens. It often leads to other stuff too. I know what I’m talking about as it’s an area I’ve worked in. Not the porn industry incidentally!!

This is a difficult dilemma. I know how I would feel and I know that I could not join in and watch, or even enjoy it. A partner watching that would certainly undermine how I felt about myself and my confidence I know would suffer. I think for Smedleyswife, I would watch just to see how bad it is or if it is just mild, then I would have the conversation that I was not happy and felt that it was affecting how I think about myself and my self esteem.. If nothing changes then it may be decision time.

Well, my first husband used to watch/read about it all the time. I didn’t like it then and I am not keen on it now. I would want to know why he is looking at it now after all of those years or has he always looked at it and you have never known. My husband now says he doesn’t and I believe him. I wouldn’t be happy if my DH made fun of me if I tried to seduce him, that just isn’t nice. I just wouldn’t be happy. You need to have a good talk to him and see what the hell is going on. Maybe get a new one - husband that is. Well I am onto my third and it does no harm to shop around!

Has he given you an explanation for why he is viewing it? Think I would find it difficult to accept the need for this kind of viewing which generally demeans females to say the least.

Have you asked your husband why he has started watching porn?

A lot of men don't consider it particularly harmful, just like they watch violent films and find them entertaining.

I think you need to discuss this frankly with your husband, ask if he thinks there is something lacking in your marriage.

I personally wouldn't put up with my husband laughing at my attempts to seduce him. Did you tell yours that he hurt you, or made you furious by doing so?

There are many good reasons for disliking porn, as you no doubt know, and can see from the other replies.

I am afraid you need to find out how you feel about this and act accordingly.

Many men will find difficulty in accepting a sexual problem 'never used to be like this' where as women experiencing sexual issues may not be too proud in obtaining medical advice.
Porno is unfortunately the only way some deal with it but fail to realise that for their partner could be an insult.

What is porn? it's different things to different people. What's acceptable to one would shock the Mary Whitehouse out of another. Tell your DH you would like to watch something not too shocking, try it - you might enjoy it.

"Apparently anal sex is now the norm for teens. It often leads to other stuff too"

I'm intrigued tickingbird. What kind of other stuff does anal sex lead to?

vq - I am intrigued to know whether the exploitation of the women involved bothers you at all.

Do you interview them first to find out if they are doing this willingly? Do you ask their age? Or do you just get stuck on in and enjoy yourself?

The thought of anal penetration shocks me. It might cause HIV , incontinence, and piles. I am almost 100% sure the person being penetrated cannot enjoy it without poppers. I deplore recreational drugs. I do hope children are getting strong health education at school.

I'd need a general anaesthetic.

Many women on here are saying, no , they are stating their boundaries and their reasons why, many of those reasons are from people who have professionally seen the results of porn on women and children. But still people come on and say if you have these issues you should try it you might be surprised. Bleurgh. Womens boundaries are such an inconvenience arent they.