Porn

Porn is degrading and disgusting. I have an alternative (non serious) suggestion. Next time he's viewing this, join him and make sure you ask his mum and sisters to come too. He may not be so keen with you all clustered expectantly round the, er, laptop!
Sorry for facetiousness. I do know the poor OP has a problem.

For those who suggest that the original poster or anyone else whose man watches porn 'watches it with him' - try asking him to let you and see if he wants to. 99% of men would say no. They look at it as their me time/fun time or whatever. It rarely would turn them on to have their wife watching with them. And if they say they have stopped watching it to please you, most of them are lying. Once they've started it's too addictive.

This is a very hard post to write. So I hope you read it.
As a norm porn starts off as incidental or curiosity. The problem is, that it does not stop there for many. My exhusband was convicted because of watching child porn which is obviously illegal. My understanding from the police and courts is. That those who watch on a regular basis become desensitised to what they are watching and are forever looking, like a drug addict, for their next hit.
If they are doing regularly this will become their norm so they will continue to search for their ‘hit’.
With my ex I would / could not accept his actions to which he has never apologised. Thus him being my x.

I wouldn’t beat yourself up over it. I know that my OH has been watching porn on the quiet for years. He knows I know as I saw some on his lap top. He knows I don’t like it but we have a good loving partnership and have been together 20 years. Men will be men, boys will be boys just put it to the back of your mind and try to ignore it like I do.

The fact that he laughed at your attempts to seduce sounds like he likes to control if he knows that what he is doing is upsetting you but isn't prepared to stop shows his lack of care for you . The men who watch girls as young as their own daughters for sexual gratification I find disturbing .

Men will be men - what a poor view that is of men.

Smedleyswife
Quote.In the past H has laughed at my attempts to seduce him.Why ?that in his mind he cannot perform to what he sees as ' your expectations of him 'so the only way out is to laugh which in turn is cruel but gets him out of that which he is unable to fufil?This is not a hopeless situation if both you and H are together in wanting to 'get back' what I am sure you both once had, before his need of porn, then your GP will be the one to direct you both to those persons who can get you out of your present situation.

This posting brings back memories! Anyone who watches porn should be ditched, because it IS an addiction. At the workplace I told a colleague I did not want a relationship with him and to go on a website if he wanted to find someone. He went onto a porn website and was fired. Am I sorry? No!

Thankyou Grannygrumps1, for sharing this, some folks fortunately for them do not know the extent of the harm that is caused firstly to immediate family & secondly to others that the perpetrators may engage with .
Two consenting adults can do as they please, anything else, including pleading , threatening, & coercion is abuse .
Making use of one person & their body for ones own pleasure is not acceptable. Putting some one down,or implying that they should comply to keep another happy or stop them straying is emotional blackmail. ie , gives them power & control over another .

Vampirequeen ... just to reply about mature men seeing porn different to teenage boys, I disagree.. I’m 67 my husband 64 married 33 yrs in proses of splitting up !!... through my husband viewing porn and starting to play a game XDays on line and his phone and talking to young old women very explicitly ... from porn to sextexting to lying through his eye teeth and talking like a kid of 16 .... Porn I agree can be enjoyed by both . But in a lot of cases it leads to something else that they want to put on there bucket list !!!.......... I hate what this selfish man has done to our marriage through lies, secrets , to telling me he can do what the fk he likes, it’s got nothing to do with me,to F off ...Well I’m going to because I really don’t trust him at all.....

Big hugs, Harv1, best wishes. Stay strong.

Grannygrumps1 and Harv1 - I am very sorry that you are both in the situation of porn destroying relationships. I do think you illustrate very clearly how insidiously destructive it is, to both the viewer and the viewed.

It's very brave for people to talk about their experiences

Point out to him that the brain works by reference to fixed points, not in absolutes. What that means is that if he's looking at porn models, no normal human being can compare favourably. He needs to stop looking at the unattainable and appreciate the person in front of him.

CarlyD, thank you ,I could have written the same post, including the young mother used in so called 'child porn', although the mother who always comes into my mind and my heart when I read threads like this was 4 when first involved in making 'films'
It isn't a harmless industry. Its exploitative and increasingly, normalises behaviour that just is not normal and is damaging. I don't think we need to debate what a broad range of behaviour 'normal' covers. we're old enough and experienced enough to know.

Iam64, & sadly & incredulously even younger, very much younger.

Bridgeit, yes I know, babies and infants x

Watching porn does not mean has lost interest in you, not at all.
Some men just like it and that's ok, as long as it's not extreme or becomes an overriding habit.
I've watched it myself years ago but it was no turn on for me and frankly, it seemed ridiculous.
Top shelf mags and porn can be, I suppose, a release for men, mentally (and physically) and men can more easily separate loving sex within a relationship, from the act of sex itself, which many women can't do.

I'd leave him to it but please don't start thinking there is something unappealing about you, size-wise or any other way.
It might be an idea to ask him what he finds gratifying about it and talk openly about his thoughts on the matter, rather than him feeling it has to be a 'secret' to be indulged when you aren't watching or likely to be questioning him as to what he's watching.
Remember, it's normal...when not in the extreme.

Xx

Who’s normal is it GabriellaG54?

I should add , for some what others would class as extreme another , depending on their circumstances would call normal.

And the more society normalises some behaviours, the more woman ( usually it’s woman ) are put under pressure to accept it.

In other words, it's not odd, any more than anal sex is not odd to people who enjoy it, nor 'watersports' the use of sex toys, dressing up or any position which is not the 'missionary'.
Good grief. Ask yourself a few questions. Is homosexuality or lesbianism odd?

Society has 'normalised' many things over the years. All kinds of body surgery, tattoos, piercings LGBTQF...you name it.
Watching or looking at porn mags is no different.

Of course not Gabriella,
We are talking about those who are coerced, bullied, etc etc
Those who cannot defend or remove themselves etc .
Or at least that is who I am making reference to.