Should I ask my daughter & Granddaughter to move out

Three months is a very short length of time in which to adjust to having a new baby and I don’t think a major decision about your dd moving out should be made right now. I’d give her a bit of leeway but at the same time, set up some boundaries so you don’t become your grandchild’s de facto mother.

There are lots of activities out there for new mums. As well as mum & baby groups there are music groups, massage classes, yoga classes, book worm clubs and so on. I’d really work on getting your dd to attend those, maybe emphasising how good it will be for the baby, if she’s reluctant to go for herself.

Her health visitor or baby clinic can also make suggestions and indeed may run some groups.

I hope it all works out for you in the end.

The fact that she lives with you is huge.
She doesn't have to worry about accommodations, bills, food, etc
Does she contribute towards the house expenses?
Have you talked about a plan for her to prepare to be independent? Do you have a date for this arrangement to end?
Does she work? Is she making arrangements to move out in the future or she is comfortable at your place?

If only they can stay little forever!!

I do feel that I need to give her more time and support. If I’m honest I think reading the comments I need to hold on to her and put my own feelings to one side...xx

In terms of the deposit I have offered to pay this for her already so she does not have to worry about that. As well as items for her flat which I will cover.
She is already at college and the baby visits her other nan whilst she attends twice a week as I am at work.
We have a good relationship and are very close as we have no other family members. My bond with my grandaugter is amazing as I have been with her everyday day since she has been born, apart from this week. She does cook and clean - and moan about this, which is not what I’m really bothered about. My concerns are her mental health and living alone with the baby.
She has briefly moved out when she was 18 and lived with her friend for 6 months but struggled financially and came back home. And I must state previously she has mentioned moving out to me, I convinced her not to but now I’m not sure I’ve done the right thing...

Its so much easier when our children are small enough that we can make them do what we want, isn't it?

Its worth investing time, and love, and instilling confidence in your daughter, because if you send her out now, you'll only be worried about her, and that little baby.

Oh yes, he is definitely in her head and though process 9/10!! The instability of the relationship is what is impacting in her mental health.

But I do agree, I think independence will show her she had got this and she can manage. Thank you xx

Surely she has never needed you more? If she can save some money towards a flat deposit while staying with you, and become settled into (unplanned?) motherhood then she might return to college/training, hopefully finding a nursery, and making a decent future for herself and baby. That might mean her staying with you for the next 18 months to cover a college year but the long term benefits would surely pay off. Make house rules and work to your mutual benefit sharing housework and cooking. You could build a great adult relation ship with your daughter and close bond with grandchild. Most of all you might prevent her from being forced to live in shared housing or set up with her boyfriend out of need/desperation than the two of them really wanting a relationship. Would you have asked her to move out if she had not had a baby? I reiterate - she has never needed you more. Do tell us how you get on.

I suppose the on/off relationship is dominating her thoughts, for now, if she desperately wants to be with the father, and its still early days with the baby being so young.

The more you can encourage her to be independent, the more likely it is that she will come to the realisation that she can manage, and she needn't be hanging around for daddy to grow up,

Oh how I wish she would just end it!! He is such a loser....Yup definitely a slippery slope, But one I have to face else as you’ve said I’m just enabling her to keep relying On me which encourages the ‘why should I bother’ attitude.

I’ve tried to encourage her to go to baby group and she won’t go.
I do have her once a week so she can see her friend's, which is fine because I have some quality time with my gc.
But yes I’m trying to not take on or step in to much so she doesn’t become reliant on me. Difficult when we live together.

Your dd has to break up with that loser when she is ready, sadly.

You can support your dd and your gc without taking over their responsibilities.
The danger is that she gets used to you doing things for her so why shall she try/even bother?
When is it appropriate to say "I am stopping, you are on your own?"
It is a slippery slope

Your dd will be ok. She will adjust.

Surely she doesn't want to spend all her time with her mum, though?
Better for her to make friends with other young mums.

Be careful you don't end up shouldering most of the responsibility of the baby.

The father has said he won’t commit. He’s not ready. She is good with the baby and can manage her finances well. I just worry about her being isolated as I’m now back at work and not on hand for support and worry if she will struggle having bills etc...albeit this is adulthood and responsibilities!!

First reply was meant for you x

I would take a middle ground type of approach.
Gradually help her to get to the point where you feel she can manage on her own (or with the father, if he is around) and then gently send her on her way; hopefully to a fulfilling, adult life.

She receives money from him every month, and he will ‘visit’ and stay in the odd occasions.
Sometimes I do feel like I’m picking her responsibilities up.
Thanks for your message x

Thanks, she is going through a difficult time. I guess I’m struggling to hold it together for everyone. We have no family it’s just me her and my grand baby. I joined today to hopefully release some feelings and get some guidance. Thanks for your response x

Has she applied for child support from the father?

Your dd is a mother and an adult. Your mothering her is crossing the enabling line.

Ask your dd to move out is appropriate.

I can only say I wouldn't have asked a 20 year old single mum with a very young baby to find somewhere else to live .I dont think I could live with myself if anything went wrong with either of them.Your daughter is having a tough time she may have post natal issues ,she needs support .

Surely you can offer your time and help for a while .Give her a chance to recover from the birth and find her feet being a mum .