How to deal with her personal odour?

Many people become "nose blind" to smells that they are familiar with.
I have a good friend who thinks she doesn't smell of cigarette smoke. It is so bad that when she gets into my car I have to open the sun roof and windows. I won't go into her house except to drop off her shopping. I've told her but she thinks I'm exaggerating.

Another friend was having viewing of her house which stank to high heaven of her old farting dog. She was desperate to sell so I suggested removing the animal during viewing and using spray to neutralise the odour. None of the family could smell it. She was grateful I had told her.

The kindest thing to do is tell the lady so that she is aware then can do something about it.

you could say out loud "whats that smell 'and open a window and leave it.

FFS.

I sometimes think I've entered a parallel universe on this site.

Or choose a cleaner from Lady magazine.

Oh for goodness sake, if she's a good, reliable, cleaner, put up with it and mind your own business.

Please do not order free Tena samples - that would be really cruel. Either say nothing or speak to her kindly but honestly.

More much appreciated useful advice. I knew you GN girls would help! As she’s only here 1-1.5 hours, she doesn’t use our loos unfortunately. I’ve also had a thought of organising the current offer of free samples from Tena to be delivered to her house. Must do something before Tuesday morning! Many thanks again! x

She sounds like a lovely person, and you sound like a very sensible and kind lady. It might be a difficult conversation but it could make a massive difference to this lady's life. If you have noticed then others will have too - and she will end up being "gossiped" about.

"You hope she won't be cross with you. You've noticed a slight odour from her recently, you just wondered if maybe she had a leaky bladder problem (just like you did after having the children). etc. "

If the OP can't be in the same room she needs something to mask the smell.

I would absolutely hate anyone to tell me they could smell urine from me. Unless it was my mum or sister.

I actually find it quite shocking how many suggestions there are on here about any way atall to avoid having a kind chat with someone about a problem in a way that can help them with kindness and honesty. I mean ...air fresheners (strong ones), dismissing her, new cleaners, going in the garden, and numerous other variations!! What on earth is that all about?

If it was me who smelt I would want you to tell me. There are many ways to broach something like this but I think honestly, you just need to say she seems to have an odour problem down below and has she seen a doctor as sometimes it can be a symptom of something more serious. I would not want to smell and no one tell me. I bet she will appreciate your honesty, especially as some people (above) obviously think it would be better to talk to her family about it instead!!

Oh, a leaky bladder ? A lot of old women smell like that but if she's only 40 I'd be asking her if she's got a problem with her bladder. Succinctly asked of course. Or even tell a white lie and say that you've had to resort to using Tena lady because you dribble, then ask her if she does.

Is she someone who you can talk to about things like that ? It seems such a shame that you'd have to dismiss her for a smell that clearly she doesn't realise she's leaving behind. Or you could bluntly ask her if she's seen a GP about her leaky bladder/strong urine as you can smell it.

This always reminds me of a John Cleese sketch :

" Meet the wife Rose, she smells a bit but has a heart of gold ".

Well you could try using a strong plug in air freshener when she is there or oil burner.

You could also maybe say sorry for the strong scent. I've noticed a strong odour in the house recently. I wondered are my drains working properly. But only if you're good at lying.

You could send a query into the health page of your magazine (if there is one) regarding bladder problems and hope she reads it.

Or perhaps your doctors have leaflets on this and you could leave one casually on a table.

I couldn't actually say to her. Too embarrassing.

Madgran has it right. Her advice is the most kind to your friend. Even though it will be awkward at first, it’s the kind thing to do.

I wonder if she can smell it herself? You could test this perhaps by wearing a different perfume or a new air freshener and asking for her opinion. If she cannot smell it, that might give you a lead into a conversation. Presumably she has a bladder problem and is wearing pads of some sort (poor thing if she has to do that at 40). You could do some research on it and if you feel comfortable, make some suggestions by referring to someone you know ( on Gransnet! ) who has a similar problem. She might benefit from pelvic floor exercises or using a device to tighten the muscles, and from learning about the products available. The practice nurse or a female pharmacist may be able to help - she could go to a Chemist in another area if she is afraid of gossip getting out locally.
Unfortunately heavy work like vacuuming and changing sheets might cause her to leak. Presumably she feels comfortable using your toilet but then she would need to dispose of her pad if she wears one.
I think you could be doing her a real favour if you could bring yourself to broach the subject. Strange that it has started suddenly - I wonder if she has a recent back injury?

I think mentioning to someone else rather than her, relative or not, would be awful for her. If you do decide to say anything say it to her. Stale urine suggests she has a bladder problem and needs help! A gentle kind chat as I described previously would be kind....I would appreciate it if someone did that for me!

Oh thank you all so much for your input on this 'tough-y'. Perhaps I should have clarified more, it's the smell of stale urine, not gas, that I find so unpleasant. She's such a clean girl normally, as is her house, husband and child. No way could I mention it to a relative or friend of her's, most of this village is inter-related one way or another, so the consequences for me could be dire! Think I'll just open windows and doors and maybe do a bit of weeding in the garden till she's finished work! Hey ho!

In the 70s a friend left a tampon in and it made her very ill indeed. She had an emergency hysterectomy and was in ICU for weeks. Extremely sad as she died in her 30s as it severely undermined her general health.

Link to consultants specialising in vulva/vaginal conditions.
bssvd.org/patient-information/clinic-map/

Do you mean the smell comes from the vaginal area?

If so, I think she needs to see a Dr. Part of a tampon that has become dislodged?

If we are talking about uncontrollable rectal gas, you could mention conversations we've had here and how very many people suffer from it.

There are many remedies, including Activated Charcoal, Acidophilus Bifidus and much more and you could tell her of our suggestions. She may twig to your real meaning but as you are friends it shouldn't be too awkward.

You could talk about it over tea and cake and tell her (this is true) that one person on here, me of course, was able to eat wheat for years with no ill effects, then suddenly developed an intolerance which led to the above mentioned gaseous emissions - now thankfully cured with diet restrictions (no cake) and the above remedies.

Apart from when I open my big mouth, I am now gas free

BUT - it could be a symptom of something a bit more more serious and if so, maybe it's her family who should tell her because she must have this problem at home too.

You seem to care about her so memorise a wee script before you start; a conversation like this isn't going to be easy.

If you tell anyone at all who lives near you, it will get back to her....don’t say a word !

I think if the odour is so very bad, you would hardly want her to continue being in your home, would you? I wouldn’t.
Find another cleaner.
If you feel awful telling her, then just say that a friend is going to do all the hoovering for you now, so you don’t need her to work for you, there are ways of saying things nicely.

Does she have any family who live nearby? I would suggest speaking to a family member if possible. You could perhaps start the conversation with..." i'm really worried about your 'Mum/Sister/Aunt??"

No idea. What a predicament. I think you'd have to either live with it or say you're not needing her help any more. Very difficult situation for you!

Sorry I can't be of any help

I had this problem with a member of my team, when working. I knew her well. I asked to talk to her; told her honestly that this conversation was not going to be easy for us, that I did not want to upset her and that I was talking to her as a friend who cared. I then said that I had noticed that when she was in my office there was a strong odour and wondered if there was a problem she needed to speak to a Dr about. I said that I was concerned as I knew someone else who had this problem who had gone to the Dr and had been investigated to ensure there was nothing serious. It turned out not to be but it might have been

After some tears, embarrassment and a bit of anger she thanked me for the chat and explained what was happening etc. I offered to accompany her to an appointment if she wanted me to. I also discussed whether she might need any time off for appointments etc

Don't know if this helps you but it might give you some ideas.