Nasty friends of friends

Ex policeman bully or not that was a very cruel and hurtful thing to say to anyone . I think if you see him out and about you should hold your head up high . It is he who should feel ashamed . Easier said than done I know but you have to try and rise above . I have had cruel remarks made to me over the years “ oh so you are the ugly sister” being one of them. ( from a close friend of my sister ) . It does hurt I know .

Meant to add Jaxie that denying she heard will have been a defence mechanism used by your host so as not to have to take sides . Something my sister does too . She wouldn’t want to confront/ upset her friend so pretends she didn’t hear .

I agree with gilly, he isn't worthy of note!

Sticks and stones etc. move on and tbf he was only using the same word as yourself. So ask yourself why that word's so hurtful when used to describe you but not the actor you couldn't remember.

I'm sure he didn't mean it. It was probably because he thought you were rude to describe an actor as ugly. Forget about it.

Crossed posts

Head up, keep walking and totally blank him. If you cannot avoid being with him just ignore him. Horrible man.
As for the hostess, she or whoever his other half was should of said something to him.

I’m afraid I can’t agree that calling someone ugly to their face is in any way the same as describing an actor, who isn’t there as such. How can it be hurtful in the second case?

It’s a shame none of the other people present pulled this man up, Jaxie. Try not to dwell on it, but I’d have as little as possible to do with him in future.

And yes, I would blank him, but some could probably rise above it.

sorry but what an utter plonker. I'm quite sure you aren't ugly. He sounds ugly on the inside.

Words do hurt us though don't they. I have to say I agree with flexiblefriend it was the same word used on both occasions.

Not a nice remark for sure. But, I would just ignore it. Was he inebriated ....alcohol loosens the tongue.
I would try to avoid his company. And btw, I'm sure you are not ugly xx

Just a horrible and very rude man. To be ignored; easier said than done I know.

The problem is a comment like this keeps coming back. Do try to ignore him . He probably thought he was being funny, some people have very odd senses of humour. My dear old Dad, who loved me, always said when I lost weight " Ah but she still casts a good shadow. " He thought that was funny!

I never believed that sticks and stones rubbish, so untrue. I still carry remarks said when I was young, however small. Take care and enjoy your true friends.

Not worth losing sleep over he’s not your friend it was a silly unfunny and hurtful remark but only you can manage how hurt you let it make you
Don’t let it mar your friendship or even your memories of a nice evening
Some people say things without thinking the word ugly was in his mind from you using it and he used it as a bounce back comment, playground stuff actually it was a silly tit for tat and says more about him than you put it in the bin where it belongs

What a horrible thing he is!
I hope someone did hear him (his wife?) and took him to task.

My guess is that he, and everyone else, has forgotten it. By constantly thinking about it you are reinforcing the memory. I know it's hard but try to put it out of your mind. If you find yourself thinking about it - switch the thought to something pleasant that happened that evening.

I know how hard it is because I sometimes dwell on things but realise when I do the only person who is hurting is me.

I am a master at putting myself down (I use it as self defence) reading your post again in response to his “ what do you mean? ugly like you ?” I might have replied “well no maybe not quite that ugly” which might’ve created a laugh and defused the situation . I’m not saying putting yourself down is a good thing because it isn’t but it’s something I often use as a coping mechanism .

I would have said "oh no, far uglier than that. More like you!".
Of course though, I wouldn't really, because I would be so stung and hurt.
Horrible, nasty 'man'.
I bet he wouldn't have said it to another male.

Now that’s a comeback, MissA!

Thinking of his wife/partner, and whether she heard it... At least you don’t have to live with him, Jaxie.

C'mon Jaxie. Time to hoick up your big girl pants.
I had this recently with a close neighbour of 25yrs.
In front of his wife and others in the street he dismissed
me rather rudely. My flabber was gasted. Angry, what?
I set myself to not acknowledge him whatsoever. Not easy.
Ignored him with my face set in what my Dh calls my "resting bitch face"
Why should I make him feel comfortable? He ended up really squirming at times.
Did I care? Did I what. Treat him with the contempt he deserves.
Oh you'll get those who say "be the bigger person for the sake of the friendship group"
I'm afraid one of the friend's need to take him to task. And you need an apology to move
on with this. If not, consider socialising with individuals if possible. You're going to
initially feel uncomfortable whatever. Your choice.

How very rude indeed! The trouble is, as another poster has said, this will niggle with you and really annoy.

Close your eyes, visualise placing it on a train and watch it vanish over the horizon.

What a CF as they would say on Mumsnet - the first word is cheeky!

He is a boorish, male chauvinist pig!
No gentleman would dream of saying something so rude to a female.
It says more about him than you!
Ignore the comment and forget it, some people can't help being an ar--hole.

Had he had much to drink?! He probably thought he was being clever or witty. Ignore it, and perhaps if he's at a meeting again, blank him. There's always one, and he's it.

It is so annoying when someone does this kind of thing and an instant retort (e.g. You're no oil painting yourself) does not spring to mind until it is too late. Please try not to let this fester and prey on your mind. I am sure that the rest of the company and your hostess, were too embarrassed by his crass remark to come up with a suitable reply, so just ignored it. He will have gone way down in their estimation, whereas you will not.