Separated

It's early days. It'll take a while to sink in. Best way of dealing with it is to look on it as new beginnings, the start of a new life - who knows what adventures await? I'd buy a campervan and plan to go on exciting trips! Obvs depends on what you're interested in and how old you are! But take it easy, no hurry!

Is it what you wanted ..if so just give yourself some breathing space and allow yourself to just sit and think things over and make plans , don't rush into anything yet.
Good luck

Think of something that you would not be able to do if you were still together. Any little thing like watch a particular TV programme or just have cheese on toast for tea, or leave your hobby materials spread out on the table. So much depends on your income but if you have transport plan a trip tomorrow that you will enjoy but he would not have done.

So sorry to hear that Starturtle. Its hard to be alone with your thoughts at times like this. My OH and I separated for a while a few years ago and I thought I would never be able to cope with being alone. But I was able to find my own way. Wheneventaully we got back together I felt stronger. I obviously dont know the reasons,whether you wanted this or how long you have been together, but you ARE able to do this. Just take your time to think about what you want. Dont rush things just enjoy being you.

Forgot to say the GNs are always here for you.

Have faith in yourself.
Embrace and look forward to an independent future.
Excellent ideas here - do things that might have been frowned on or criticised and enjoy doing them.
Buy your favourite foods - cook and eat how and when you choose.
If you find pleasure in these small gestures you'll find yourself reaching out and becoming just a bit more ambitious.
Don't expect too much too soon. Occasional setbacks or dents to your confidence are inevitable. Push on and look on your future as being not alone but independent. It's a terrific feeling!

Thanks everyone. I sort of wanted it. It’s hard now I’ve got it. Been together 16 years. Nothing amazing happened. We just both changed.

Good advice on here StarTurtle don't rush into anything, give yourself time to process things and make the situation work for you.
mcem has it right but it will take time.
Good luck.

The first few weeks are the hardest - I remember sitting in my new digs, staring at the table top, and feeling so empty. But it doesn't last - you're just on " the first day of the rest of your life" - so take it one day at a time. Soon you'll get into a new routine and the emptiness will disappear. Good luck !

It's the start of your new life; scary but very liberating. Best thing I ever did. Good luck and enjoy!

Faced with the helplessness of 'what shall I do'? when I was left on my own through a long separation, I found an 'Aims List' helped.

Writing a list of things I believed would be difficult to do on my own, eg: go for a meal for one, or to the cinema, do a meal for friends, visit that art gallary I never got round to going to (because he 'didn't like' art). Every little ticked victory achieved rewarded me with a little pinch of belief that actually being in the driving seat of my own life feels very enpowering.

Concentrating on the opportunity of what you can do on your own is a challenge, there's a lot of life waiting for you out there - 'go for it girl'........

Don’t feel you have to sort out everything at once, as the old saying goes, you eat an elephant one bite at a time. Enjoy the little things, take your time to adjust. I wish you all the best in your new start.

You will go through a grieving process. Yes you can still grieve even when the person hasn't passed. Take it a day at a time and be gentle with yourself. It's a time of great change. Whilst you wanted it. You still need to allow yourself to have your feelings about it all.

I found that, particularly on a Sunday, I didn't speak to anyone so I joined a gym and went to yoga lessons on Sundays. I found it quite pleasant to live by myself and be selfish but I was working part time so had company. By accident I met my second husband (the last thing I wanted was another man!) and 27 years later we are still together and very happy. Good luck StarTurtle, it will work out.

My father gave me some advice when my husband left me for a younger model when i was only 33. With 2 young sons it was tough but he told me to keep myself busy, even if it means painting a wall that doesn't need it! I would suggest making a list of all the jobs that need doing, places that need visiting, books that need reading etc and don't give yourself time to brood. Drop into bed exhausted every night so you can sleep the better for it. Have a special friend you can spill to but try not to spend all your time with others bemoaning the situation, best way to lose their company! Wish you well and remember, it is only a matter of time before you no longer feel lost and confused.

Be gentle with yourself, find a way to give yourself a treats whenever you feel you need them.

Take all the time you need to build a your new life, one step at a time.

The idea of making a list of things you want to do sounds lovely.

Even if you never get round to doing them all the dreaming up of those adventures can have a value.

Wishing you the best day you can have. x

Been there myself. It will be like a grieving process. Give yourself time to recover, and find the real you. Expand your circle of friends, and live an enjoyable life x

firstly take a deep breath then be kind to yourself .I found my friends a great support .then I moved from Yorkshire down to Wiltshire,knowing nobody.met people dog walking,joined U3A,and answered a small ad in newsagent from a lady wanting to meet like minded ladies for coffee, cinema trips etc. now have a great group of friends to holiday with and enjoy days out,meals out or shared in each others homes.Life is great if you embrace it.Good luck in the rest of your life. wink

You remember the refrain 'Pick yourself up, Dust yourself down'. It was a mutual decision (wonderful) therefore you now have the advantage of doing exactly what YOU want, when YOU want and how YOU want. I think the change is so immediate that you should hasten slowly into realising and achieving your aspirations - even discovering what they are. I wish you both the very best of luck on what is a courageous but somewhat sad situation. Solitude was thrust upon me overnight but I think I've made a good fist of it and am certainly not at all unhappy. I wish the same good fortune to you.

Lots of good advice here. I don't know if you are already a member of any clubs/groups or have good friends you can socialise with?

If not, I would join a group or two, even if it doesn't really appeal at first. Search your local U3A and see if there is anything of interest. Maybe a local theatre or cinema would have a social group attached. Does your library have any events you might like. A knit and natter or craft group perhaps?

It's very early days for you, but something new would give you a boost, and be the first step to what could be a wonderful new life. Good luck

Lollee what a wonderful, wise dad.

StarTurtle I think it is courageous to face up to the fact that you have both changed to the extent where you want to move on from the relationship, and then act on it. All good wishes

Great advice from ladies on here my break up wasn't amicable I left and found myself in a house in a new area .My ex wasn't a very social man so I make a point of speaking to a neighbour or just someone at the shops everyday .You will always have times when you miss him but as time goes on this gets less frequent. Like suggested do things you would not have normally done for me a lie in eating toast in bed and not religiously cooking a Sunday lunch to name a few

This is the 1st day of the rest of your life ... deep breaths and start making a bucket list. See if there’s a Meet Up Group in your area, they do cinema trips, theatre, concerts, ladies who lunch etc Also there are lots of Singles Travel Companies out there too, the holidays are amazing and they really look after you. Enjoy .....

eat well (but not too much) get plenty of fresh air, in quiet natural surroundings but also reinvent yourself. Fresh 'do' makeup wardrobe - diet if needed, lots of exercises whether swimming, yoga, zumba (feel good hormones kick in). What ever you do don't start trying to replace your 'ex' by dating on line. Look for interesting holidays for singles so you meet men and women but look to places you haven't been. Now's the time to expand your horizons Think of yourself as an egg, after some time relatively comfortable and safe in a confined space, you are breaking through that shell for a new life. Don't be frightened and jump onto this site for reassurance - I've been there done it, wear the tee shirt - married to a lovely lovely man and never ever wanted to be 'shackled' again but had 18 years on my own relishing my freedom. Big hugs and courage sister....