Wedding planning

Anneishere, my advice is let them get on with it and continue to enjoy your grandchildren.
I am posting because I wonder if you are aware that Gransnet threads sometimes appear on Facebook. You could easily be identified by the information you have given, which could cause a huge family bust-up. GNHQ will help if you wish to withdraw it.

My daughter has just got engaged - she will be 30 this year. They have lived together for some time and last year bought there own flat. They are planning the wedding for next year and are looking for a contribution from me. I'm divorced from her father who she isn't in touch with any more, so it's just down to me. I'm retired in my late 60's and only have my state pension and a very small nest egg. Although I remarried some time ago I'm dependent on my husband and we just about get by. Both my daughter and her fiance live in London on substantial salaries - we live in the north. Just had a conversation with her that's left me very upset. She wants to know how much I can contribute and I said the most I could afford would be about £1000. She was obviously expecting more, but even that will be a struggle for us and there will still be the cost for us of our own outfits/present/and travel costs. Am I being over sensitive to wish she was more sympathetic. She has also has an expensive skiing holiday recently and they plan to go to New York for her birthday. She says they will have to spend the next 18 months saving up as she wants a wedding with all the bells and whistles. I just don't understand why am being made to feel guilty.

My daughter has just got engaged to a lovely man and we are experiencing the opposite. They are insisting that they will be paying for everything themselves.
However, they don't have great salaries and DH and I have been putting money away for years for this and will insist on contributing.

Susan - your daughter is plenty old enough and experienced in life to already understand your financial situation. You just don't have the kind of money that can be splashed out on an OTT wedding.
Yes, at least she's got the message, they will have to cut back on their expensive treats or decide they don't actually need the bells and whistles!

If you're old enough to get married, you're old enough to pay for it yourself.

gummybears absolutely agree. My daughter always knew that I would never pay for a big wedding. I told her, I will give you the deposit for a house but not all that money for one day.
Susan your story is awful. This is the second conversation I've had today about selfish children who think their parents are a money tree.
My friends son wants her to give them one of her properties as he has got behind with his mortgage!!!
I would elaborate on this story but we all know now that 'some' of the information we share can appear elsewhere.

Shouldn't it be your son to 'invite' you to help?

The bride gets her mom to help, and the groom involves his mother?

You mentioned you could see your gc as much as you want. Don't you think thats very nice of your son and his partner?

I do think it's natural for brides and their mothers to do a lot of the planning. When my daughter got married I did a lot of the running around because they were living 1,000km away and just coming home for the wedding. So I spent happy times alone, looking at flowers and cakes and sending pictures to my daughter for her consideration. My ex husband and I were paying for everything, so I guess I felt entitled to be in the middle of things, too. His parents just came along on the day . If my son ever gets married I'd expect things to be the same - his bride and her family would be very welcome to do the planning and I'd just come along as a guest. I'd say, just enjoy the day and don't worry about not being part of the planning - it's not worth getting worked up about it.

I feel for your "hurt" of not having as much too give. That and feeling left out, can make one feel very badly indeed and I do very much understand how deep that hurt can run.
Know you are doing everything you can financially, which is a lot by your description. You cannot go overboard and be left in debt over this -
Be as strong as you can be, make it known you are "there" if they need help and leave it at that.
Please enjoy the day best as you can given you are single, which is a tough one at weddings and funerals. Keep the little ones near you, and they will be your reward for all things good.