Will attitudes to mental health change?

Hi anxiousgran yes you can change your username, all you have to do is ask GNHQ - drop them an email.

I see loads and loads of people from all walks of life "coming out" on Twitter and stigma-busting about mental health, so I am hopeful that it will have an impact because I am one of those people who believes that mental health is just like physical health, sometimes it goes wonky.

I was raised by a mother who had what was called "a nervous breakdown" in the 1950s and she had ECT when I was a child. When I examined that period in our lives later a doctor told me it was like "using a sledgehammer to crack a walnut". She was a bit bonkers but she raised her three children just fine, as a single mother, and because she looked after us, we looked after her when we grew up.

Sorry, I didn't mean to make light - I see you say it shouldn't be a subject of humour. But my mother was extremely humorous about some of the things she did, so we did see a funny side to it, for example, we were taken by my grandparents to visit her when she was an inpatient, and she was smartly dressed in a tight skirt and high heels. That didn't stop her from climbing really high up a tree in the garden - much to our amusement (and my poor grandparents worry), I'm sure. I was about 6 at that time and of course I have not forgotten that incident. It didn't scar me though, it makes me smile.

I think views are changing but slowly . My beloved daughter suffered from Bi polar, she self medicated with alcohol and last November took her own life. I am trying to have her mental illness accepted as having more to do with her death than the self medicating at the inquest in February , I doubt I will succeed but I must keep trying .

Some find mental illness difficult to accept if the sufferer is not suffering quietly

Thanks granny knot, yes I will change my user name.

Like your Mum, I did manage to love my 2 DS and bring them up, albeit with help from DH.
However I was in hospital when my younger DS was at university, and I wasn't able to give him the support he needed then, and I seem to have lost his respect now.
My relationship with older DS is still ok as he was abroad at the time. He lives abroad now, and wish I could see him more often. I'm not alone in that I know.

Don't worry about your user name on here, anxiousgran.
Unless it's your real name and personal things are revealed, which yours obviously isn't.
I agree with Grannyknot - it seems to me too that people are much more open about mental health now. On here there are many discussions about it, in its various aspects.
Personally , I think we're all mentally disturbed in some way. There's no "normal".

Anniebach, I can't say how sorry I am about your daughter. You must be heart broken.

It's good we are being more open about mental health issues but there is still a long way to go. People still refer lightly and incorrectly to mental health diagnoses, OCD, narcissism, depression etc without any idea how debilitating these conditions are. Often family and relationship problems are put down to various mental illnesses almost as an excuse. Grrrr

Don't want to sound humourless, I do like to have a good laugh, and I have done things that were funny.

It might be the January blues, it's just that I miss my friends. I did like to have a good time and laughter with them. They are still there but very much in the background.

Perhaps they have just moved on because I was off the scene for so long. They were very kind to me at the worst times, and I made sure they knew I was grateful.

anxiousgran, January is a miserable month for many,myself included,

Difficult as it can be, try not to look back, live now ?, you will laugh again , will have friends and you will find lovely people here who understand mental health illnesses.

the way to break down the barrier between mental and physical health is to speak out , the person who crossed the road has a bigger problem ?

When I suffered a severe depression out of the blue I made a policy decision that I would call it what it was, and tell everyone what it was. I was not prepared to say I was "run down" or "in pain" (I had just had an op).

I was surrounded by love and support from everyone - no-one seemed embarrassed about it; and I discovered how many folk had also been touched by similar problems.

Last year was a verrrry bad year for me and at times I felt like jumping off a cliff... But with medical help and one or two good friends (a lot of them disappeared into the woodwork!!) I've come out the other side. Just telling you this to hopefully inspire you. I've now made some new friends too and that all helps with the 'recovery'. Hang in there and take one day at a time... ?

Our precious and very bright granddaughter had to go into a secure unit when she was 15 because of self harm and suicide attempts. Was kept locked up, no sheets on the bed, followed to the loo etc - all in the interests of safety, but it was very hard. She came out after 5 months not much better but after two years now she seems to be emerging from her dark tunnel. Says she will never go back to school though. Her old school friends don't know how to deal with it so she is a bit isolated. Currently doing an apprenticeship in equine management at a livery stables. The horses seem to understand her. There is an epidemic of this among the young we have discovered.

I know what you mean. Mental illness seems to be seen as a 'weakness' - something you have a choice over, whereas a virus can fell you and it just happens.
Phrases like 'you mustn't succumb to it' and 'you've got to fight it' etc aren't particularly helpful but many of us use them. I suspect I'm as guilty as most.

My brother has bi polar. The condition first became an issue in his late teens. My dear mum and dad found it hard to cope and as a teenager myself I had to help a lot. My brother has been sectioned three times during his life time following traumatic life events. Usually he has become manic or depressed when he decided to stop taking his meds. I believe a lot of fear comes from a lack of knowledge - it can be frightening to see someone appear so out of control - indeed it's frightening for the person themselves some times. If we were all taught a little more about the different conditions people suffer from it would be really helpful - it's no different to recognising signs and symptoms of any other illness. Understanding takes away some fear and ignorance. Thankfully my brother has been stable for some time as he now understands he needs to take his medication, he has an illness caused by an imbalance just like someone who takes medication for any other illness. I know this can change at any time but as a family we now know what to watch out for and he understands his own condition a little better.

anxiousgran my heart goes out to you; this is a bad time of year for anyone who isn't feeling on top form, and you have so much to deal with. Your friends may be having difficulties of some sort that are keeping them busy; please don't feel that they have all withdrawn from you as it may not be the case. Obviously I don't know, and wouldn't presume to, but I got tied in knots about the seeming coldness of two friends only to find that I did have it all wrong and it wasn't me at all. Flippant remarks and slightly unkind labels are going to hurt you so much more than they should when you feel vulnerable - please try to face forward and hope for better times, and it is good to have a fairly' anonymous' place like this to let off steam and express your sadness and worries.

I think this is another one of those debates (generally), like bereavement, where those unaffected can’t imagine or understand and those who suffer don’t explain what they need or how they would like society to change. The core problem is that mental health is so wide ranging and the experience of sufferers is extremely diverse. My mental health issues are different from ‘Yours’ and what I want from the people around me and from society in general is different from what ‘you’ might want. But we need to the have conversations. Thankfully there are plenty of people here who understand and will listen - that’s a start.

anxiousgran
I'm so sorry that you feel you are unable to talk to your doctor about mental health issues. I lost my beautiful 28 year old daughter to it and my friend lost her lovely 28 year old son. We will talk go on talking about mental health issues until the majority of people get it! Most of us will suffer to some degree with problems at some time in our lives, whether we recognise them or not. My daughter who was a bubbly happy outgoing girl, seemed to have her first bout at 14. We had no idea that's what it was. It came on after moving house from England to Wales and was probably brought on by the stress of the change, but this is only guess work as neither she or ourselves have any idea why it came on. She was fine for several years after but it struck again at around the age of 21 after her then boyfriend started playing up. Boyfriends playing up seems to have been the trigger but again only guesswork. I cannot write everything here as far too involved but unfortunately the doctors put her on prozac which she told them many times did not suit her and brought on suicidal tendencies. We told them many times too and they promised us that it wasn't prozac. When the hospital were forced to go to the inquest we found out the meds were Prozac and that along with their other negligences they were found to be 90% responsible for her death. Obviously this is just a fraction of what we all went through but gives an idea.

Funnily enough I met someone new yesterday and as usual they ask how many children I have and I say two but one died and invariably they ask how. You can see some don't get it and then I try to explain how horrible depression is and that you don't have to be a miserable person for it to strike you can be so happy when not suffering. It's no different to having any other illness except it is - you cannot see it and so friends, family and work colleagues who don't get it can shrug it off as nothing.

When Melanie died I found a book she was reading written by several young girls who had or did have depression. One of them said it was about 30 times worse than the pain of giving birth - so you get the idea!

Please everyone talk about it as much as possible. I don't want anyone having what Mel had to endure at one work place where a man derided her for not being well as he didn't get it. Her best friend finished with her too, despite this friend having lost 2 uncles to suicide as the friend thought Mel was just feeling sorry for herself. To be honest, we didn't really understand until after she died and we read everything we could get our hands on. It was many years ago it happened, that's how I can talk about it and nothing much was about in those days, I'd never really heard of depression and it wasn't actually diagnosed as that (they used to fancy words!). You have to be careful with health care providers. When Mel made one attempt I was told by a top consultant to get her out of my home as she would bleed me dry - that's another very long and painful story! Needless to say she stayed with us, but not before me telling her she had to go and putting her through hell before I decided that it couldn't be right doing this to her when she was already suffering.

Keep talking about mental health so that our loved ones, family and friends get the support they need and deserve. It's no different to having any other illness, except you cannot see it. Anyone suffering must also shout as loud as possible to get the right treatment and the correct treatment. If the treatment is making you worse tell them - don't be fobbed off as we were.

A disability or something unusual about them would not cause me to disown a friend. There, after all, but for the Grace of God, go we all.

I shall never forget the reactions of some of her friends to my sister-in-law's diagnosis of breast cancer - some cut her out completely. Why?

But: What would help enormously would be more education and explanation about how to deal with it.

A general approach would only be a start, though, as each person is different and where one (e.g.) bipolar person reacts vehemently to one thing, it might not affect another person with the same condition. So it is also up to the individual themselves to"go on the offensive" and explain to their friends what they have, and how to deal with it.

Perhaps you could tentatively try talking to people about it anxiousgran, instead of bottling it up. Find someone among your acquaintances who maybe has experience or training and start with them. Your condition may be the cause of you bottling things up - so you will have to overcome a lot to do this; I hope it makes you feel better.

For those of us who have not been diagnosed with anything (which doesn't mean to say we don't have anything wrong with us), it is "fear of the unknown" more than distaste, predudice or hatred which causes some of us to just avoid people with any kind of illness or disability, mental or physical. The best people to fight that fear are the affected ones themselves.

So, speaking as an "outsider", I would say that Luckygirl's way of dealing with it was preferable to not talking to anyone. Get out there and tell people - you will find out who your real friends are, and you will get the support you so obviously need. You are literate and eloquent, so saying what you mean shouldn't be a problem for you.

I obviously can't begin to imagine what is going on inside you, so I hope I haven't said anything offensive.

I can't imagine what torment mental illness can mean to people. I'm glad you felt strong enough to post this message but to say you won't talk about your own issues, to suffer in silence makes me really sad. It's only by people openly taking about their mental health will we improve people's attitudes towards those living and struggling with it. It must take huge courage to face a diagnosis of mental illness and then to work out how to get well or manage whatever MI you are facing. I work with elderly and not so elderly people with various dementias and I see how frustrating and restrictive it can be. If you have people around you who love you then why not sit them down and try and explain where you are and how you feel. Sometimes humour is a way to bat away the frightening thoughts of what mental illness means so don't dismiss the old fashioned terms embrace them it might be the best way to get a message across to those from whom you might need help one day. If people aren't aware they can't help, if you are not having a good day people may judge you harshly. However if they know and more importantly they have an understanding then you can get strength from that and it just might make that bad day less bad. We must all talk about mental health issues otherwise it continues to be something people feel they have to hide and cope with alone and that's not good for anyone. I hope you're having a good day today and that you do have someone who understands by your side. We must all keep talking about mental health.

Oh Marion - what a sorry saga; and how brave of you to talk about it openly. How else are people going to understand?

It is good that the young royals are talking about it - I do not count myself as a royalist, but they have the ear of the nation and hopefully can take some steps towards acceptance; in the same way as their mother did with HIV.

As I have said before there is no real way of describing depression to someone who has never had it - it is so far removed from being sad or feeling down. It is in a league of its own.

My heart goes out to you Anxiousgran but please don’t change your name. Sometimes I only look at names to see if it’s a regular or maybe an unusual or funny one catches my eye. It’s the content of your message that defines you not your name.
My DD now in her forties, started with crippling depression in her teens. I felt sure it was hormone related because she had just gone on the pill. That idea was completely dismissed. She tried everything, pills, counselling,herbal and psychiatric but nothing worked. Friends and family just didn’t understand why she couldn’t get out of bed and made comments about her pulling herself together etc.
Finally, one doctor must have read an article on hormones and helped her a lot with the right medication and now, she does have bad days but takes it a day at a time. There are times when I know that only the love of her faithful dog has kept her from doing anything drastic.
Let’s all make a point of spreading the news that mental illness is nothing to be ashamed of and hidden away.

I don't think the royals talking about it has helped, who can relate to them?

They do not have to wait months for counselling, do not have to wait a week for a five minute talk to a G.P.

I watched an excellent programme on BBC Wales this week, Charlotte Church whose mother has Bipolar talked to her mother, talked to scientists who are researching the workings of the brain , had a DNA test in a lab where they are working on the question of is it inherited .talked to scientists about the good and not good effects of prescribed drugs.

So interesting to hear how much research is being carried out.

but I question the power of drug companies, every generation we know of the new magic pill, from the years of Valium to the years of Prozac which has caused sucicides .

Perhaps because of the years I worked with people with mental health illnesses, my own experiences in the past and my experiences with the fight for help for my daughter I am not hopeful for the millions suffering now.

What is important is speaking out, not feeling ashamed or embarrassed

Firstly, Anniebach - no words, just .

My nephew has been suffering from a psychotic illness for many years and is now almost 40 with no brightness in his future. He has cut links with his family, although his father never gives up on him and travels miles each month, despite his own terminal illness, just to try to see him.

My nephew has been sectioned several times and is currently meant to be in hospital, although he has escaped and we don't know where he is. He had no coat or other belongings with him, so it's a big worry. He's not dangerous to others, just to himself, and so very, very sad.

Talking about him usually elicits the response of "does it run in the family?" As it happens, it doesn't, but even if it did, what do they think it would mean?

I think one of the difficulties with mental health problems is that it can’t be seen in the way a physical problem can. Few of my friends know that I suffer because I put a big smile on my face for them. If I am having a bad day I simply don’t go anywhere which is not necessarily the best thing to do. I think it’s great that people are starting to talk about it more openly.