My dil...

I think that in your shoes I would be inclined to smile very sweetly and assure her that you are old enough now to make your own choices and that if and when your doctor advises you to lose weight for health reasons then she can be assured that you will ask her advice on how to do so. Smiling sweetly all the time should keep it civilised.

What about doing the opposite when she visits you ? Pile her plate and tell her sweetly to keep her strength up

Good answer Jomarie!

I think she's actually being very rude! Yes, Jomarie's suggestion is a good one.

'The bread is placed on the other side of the table and when I ask for it to be passed to me she'll be all charming but pointedly ask me if I think that's really such a good idea?'

thats SO rude!

Tell her you're an adult and pretty sure you can eat carbs so no need to worry. If you were morbidly obese, or it effected your health and relied on them for help then i could see her worry.

And take your own bread next time, a nuce big crusty loaf

How bloody rude. It seems that these days the only people that are game is the overweight, try making a joke about an anorexic and all hell will break loose, try jokes about someones religion, sexual orientation, colour or country of origin and the "outraged" and "disgusted" hand wringers of this world will pull you to bits, calling you every name under the sun but if you are chubby then according to the "outraged thats just fine

I think she is being rude too and patronising. You make your own choices so tell her to get off her pedestal and let you worry about your weight when it's necessary.
Jomarie has the right idea.

If she asked me if having a slice of bread was a Good Idea I'd be tempted to say, 'Why, did you make it yourself?'

Store up a few cutting comments. To hell with putting up with her rudeness. She needs to realise she's making you feel uncomfortable.

Cheek!

Gosh, I would be SO insulted by that! I must admit, my DS (who goes to the gym every day) keeps giving me hints as to how I could lose weight and I'm sure she means it kindly but it does niggle me a bit.

I can see that you don't want things to become uncomfortable so if any further comments are made I would just reply "why, is there something wrong?" She is going to either have to explain her comments or back down

I wouldn't dream of passing comment about someone's weight!
Very insensitive, to say the least!

I guess you don't want to upset your daughter in law but she is upsetting you. I agree with others, you need to object to the comments, but quietly and with humour if you can manage it.

"I'd really love some bread, it does look like a really good idea, thanks for asking."

Grannyben has the answer in think.

You are being kind but she is being extremely rude I think the answers you have been given are good ones (I doubt I d have been so diplomatic I m afraid )

How often do you have lunch/ eat at her house? Can't you just be the grown up here and ignore the comments? You say she's not mean and it's not coming from a bad place. I am tempted to ask you how overweight you are and if her behaviour has changed recently in response to any recent weight gain by you. Just let it go - it the great scheme of dil relationship problems, this is a non starter.
grannypiper where on earth did all that come from?

There are often threads seeking advice about how to tackle a problem e.g. a friend who smells, has a dirty house, unkempt children, heavy smoker, etc. The general view is to be kind and try to drop hints, such as 'would you like me to help you tidy-up', or other such less than subtle hints

You say you're only 'slightly heavy' - are you perhaps kidding yourself and DIL is trying to be helpful?

having someone belittling you about your weight is not at all helpful ! Perhaps your dil doesnt realise how hurtful her comment are. I think you should have a quiet word with your dil and tell her that her comments about your weight are hurtful and ask her to keep them to herself.

I would not let it go , why should you ? it is rude and condescending . I like merlograns answer or grannybens if you would like an explanation ! It is easy for the younger generation to think that they have all the answers and will never be a bit overweight themselves . I am heavier than I used to be but it is not to do with what I eat , more to do with health problems , the natural slowing of metabolic rate , inability to excersise enough to make a difference and medication .

OP does she make direct comments or is more oblique plus the bread out of reach actions etc?

We are all so concerned about not upsetting anyone that we overlook the fact that our own feelings are being hurt. If you are on good terms with her could you not have a quiet word with her and explain that whilst you appreciate she doesn't intend to be hurtful nevertheless her remarks are upsetting you.

She is being rude. I am a porker and that is my business!!!

To invite someone for a meal and take pride in strategically placing some of the food out of reach is vile behaviour.

When she comes round to your home, don't feed her at all and have 2 bags of Malteesers to celebrate when she goes home.

We are obsessed by obesity in very unhealthy ways,just as we are with smoking, both potentially bad for us, nonetheless out own business as long as other are not affected.

This controlling aspect of young women is far more sinister and damaging to other people than a few pies or fags is.

I would tell her to bugger off with her good advice.

My elder daughter has put on a lot of weight and I tend to do the same as your DIL I'm afraid minimo though I try to restrain myself it's prompted by concerns for her health . (Its not like I'm sylphlike and she has inherited my body type)
Dare one ask how overweight you actually are ?I have recently lost 20lbs .I need to lose another 3 to get to a healthy BMI so obviously wasn't obese .I have an underactive thyroid which slows my metabolism and arthritic knees which can make exercise a challenge .I've done it slowly over 9 months, prompted by a raised cholesterol level and the premature death of my only sibling which has made my younger daughter (health service professional)very anxious about health of DH and myself. (And indeed her sister)While I agree its not your DIL place and she's not going about it very tactfully perhaps she is genuinely concerned about your weight ?Would you accept what she says from a daughter?