Grumpy husband - is it just old age?

I'm married to Victor Meldrew disguised as a Danish chap!!!

Moan, moan, moan about almost anything, and don't get me started on his blood pressure/not feeling well issues ... he starts on that and my BP instantly goes soaring!!!

Plus the road rage moaning begins before we're even out our street.

Of course we all get a bit grumpy at times, but we ladies seem able to keep it to ourselves better.

Testosterone levels drop as men age and I've read that this is why they tend to become grumpy. Conversely, as our oestrogen and progesterone levels drop, testosterone becomes more prominent, so we can become more bossy, or as I prefer to say, more self confident and assertive.

In older men > 50, the normal testosterone level is 6.7 > 25.7 nmol/L.

6 months ago my reading was 3, it is now 32.55, over the high normal, I am no less grumpy that I was 6 months ago, so for me testosterone does not change grumpiness rating. In fact I do not experience any symptoms that are related to low/high testosterone. My consultant is concerned about the low reading as it can lead to osteoporosis. My low readings are due to a brain tumour.

My medication has just been reduced to bring me into the normal range.

I thought I was on my own. My husband's lack of respect or kindness towards me really gets me down. He has reduced his working hours as he dislikes his job and is now partially retired whilst I still work full time. He teaches yet still seems to be miserable even when on long holidays!

He is so miserable at home and his constant sighing gets me down. I try to remain cheerful but feel very resentful that he can be so mean and angry with me and yet be so kind to our children and two grand children. I am on edge the moment he comes into the room.

We do go out and about together and I can only hope that he will cheer up when he eventually retires for real.

I suspect many men get grumpy in later age because they realise that their youth is gone and yearn for things they can no longer achieve. At work many men feel overtaken by younger workers and worthless. Men are notoriously bad at talking openly about their feelings and fall into a grumpy gloom.

This has made me feel so much better hearing others with the same difficulty. Tonight my other half walked off to take the dog for his walk without even saying ok I'm off. On coming back I asked if he could give me a shout on leaving, he replied " to what end?" I am mistified, I thought that's just what we did, he seems to be angry most of the time. We are comfortably off with lovely children and grandchildren. Not an isolated incident. It's so upsetting.

Why tie yourself to a person so much older than you? Would you tolerate this behaviour from a truculent three year old? Put boundaries on bad behaviour, all you ladies stop being doormats, appeasing and cajoling. In dementia problem solving ability disappears, be observant, if it is then get help.

As a man, I do find the behaviour of some of your partners beyond reason. I am amazed that you put up with it. Time to lay down the law. I think I get grumpy, but looks like I am a beacon of humour and light.

Yes but GandT you have insight but many of these men don't seem to realise what they are like. The ones who perk up with friends are taking out their misery on their wives . DH is weather dependent so if the weather is grim he is. I tell him to book a holidaying the sun.

Some of the descriptions I am seeing, sound very much like myself before I was diagnosed with depression, since councilling and ongoing medication, I still get grumpy, but not for so long now.

I woke up feeling perky this morning (NO, not like that! ) MrsP sadi "what's up with you this morning, go and get the breakfast" You can't win

Grand t. My partner has been on anti-depressants for years. I cannot imagine what he would be like without them. We have the grandchildren staying and we were looking forward to all watching England together. He has just called me something unpleasant in front of them and stomped off into another room. If they were not here I would have gone off somewhere. At least the roads would be quiet! These bouts of bad temper are becoming too frequent!

Are you sure it wasn't "like that" po GandTea?

Yes positive, need a weeks notice these days.

A week's notice GandT? My DP can't remember what I asked him to do yesterday, never mind a week ago. I asked him Wednesday to sort out which of the various pairs of jeans on his chair in bedroom need washing. I'm still waiting, the damn things will walk to the washing machine by themselves soon.

Grumpiness can be a sign of regret, that life is not as we want it or hoped it would be. It might be a realisation in older life of missed opportunities, or that it is too late to do certain things. It is hard to convince people set in this way of thinking, but help to enjoy positive experiences might be helpful.

Seas--- I'm sure you are right, I said something similar earlier in the thread, male menopause.

Somehow missed this thread the first time round, and wonder if any of the posters have discovered medical reasons for their husbands' grumpiness since their initial posts. My husband has always been a moody so-and-so which was bearable (even attractive) in his twenties and thirties, but now in his seventies it is just a bore. We usually get on quite well although he likes to be alone a lot of the time - the latest upset is because of a lot of undiagnosed pain he has and not telling me the full extent of his misery. If he doesn't explain things to me how the h*ll can I respond properly? It doesn't help either that he is refusing to go for blood tests as he fears it will show prostate cancer. Attempts to persuade him to do so just prompts a lot of shouting and door-banging. I despair.

Good post seasidenana

Worth resurrecting this thread, it seems to be a perennial moan by most wives!

acanthus catch him in a good mood and get him to open up a bit?

Thank you rosearered - it's the catching him in a good mood that's the hard bit right now. So far the mood has lasted a week. He managed to see the GP yesterday and has yet another blood test to take, but was monosyllabic when asked what the GP had said.
Heigh-ho....

I bumped into a friend a few days ago who is seriously considering ending her marriage to a grumpy man
He has been like it all his life, whilst she is a sociable, happy person, generally.
She feels that life is passing them by due to his unwillingness to do anything, meet up with anyone, or go anywhere.

It could also be a sign of major health problems. My best friends father underwent a huge personality change and became rude, grumpy and again they could not have friends round. He then had a massive heart attack and died. The doctors said the narrowing of the arteries could have caused a lack of oxygen to the brain and hence the behaviour change. Just a thought.

Oh acanthus I fear you are on a hiding to nothing here.
Grumpy by nature, getting old(er), in pain, in denial, worried about prostate cancer, typically stiff upper lip male monosyllabic.
Are you up for a forthright "conversation"? It sounds overdue. All the tact, sympathy, wifely consideration in the world is unlikely to get to the heart of the matter.
Have a stiff drink and take the bull bynthebproverbial horns, retaining a sense of humour , you will need it.
In a way I can see where he is coming from, but my heart goes out to you!
Can you enlist support from your adult children?