Is there anyone else with no family ?

I am so sorry that you are completely on your own. As you have pets, why not volunteer at a local animal charity shop- perhaps a very local dog or cat charity, not necessarily a national one. You will hopefully find some kindred spirits there. Animal charities need help in other ways too. I wish you all the luck you can get.

Welcome to the forum Mariana. much the same thing happened to me many years ago. I came to terms with it in my own way, and having more children helped, I think that is one reason why you should talk to Sands.As you say,nobody wanted to mention it years ago.the sad fact that you couldn't have children after that has made things so hard for you.
When you retire and have some spare time, volunteer to do something to help children, I guarantee this will help you ( and help them.) there is home start , a great organisation, and helping children learn to read in all sorts of schools.helping and being with young children will be cathartic for you.

How are you Mariana. Your post really hit a chord with me. It seems sometimes, everyone else has family and having a great time with them. Christmas and weekends are the worse, but I try to keep really busy and treat myself when down, time passes and things look a little better.

Thank you all so much for your lovely comments, ideas and advice. I will try and get back here later.

For all who suggested a dog--great idea--but i already have 2, and a cat. ! My dogs are in fact my Lifeline especially now. i got them just after my husband died, so they are 10 years old, my cat is about 12 years old.

And no, I had no counselling after the loss of my baby--counselling was just not around then. The day after my baby died, one of the nurses moaned at me,because I was " moping" instead of doing any knitting for my baby. !!!!!!!!!!!

I was in a ward of my own, because I had an infection, but of course could hear all the other babies crying. When i went back 6 weeks later, to see why I had just started labour at 6 months , they said "We're sorry, we do not know---Goodbye" !! It was inside me for many many years, before I could even tell any of my friends what had happened.

I will check out the Sands site---thank you so much for thinking of me.

found the one i was looking for it is called SANDS (Stillbirth and Neo-natal death). their website is www.uk-sands.org/support and they have a section called 'long bereaved' which would appear to be about those suffering like you did from the treatment in the past. Hope this helps.

welcome Mariana, you will find a wonderful cross section of opinions on here, it is never dull, often infuriating, but always interesting! I too wonder if you would be helped by some sort of closure for the baby daughter you lost? Things used to be so different, almost as if the baby didnt exist, but she did for you and you need to mourn her. There is a charity that helps those who have lost a child just before or after birth, or by still birth, and they may be able to help. I will see what I can find out and post the link for you.

Like you Mariana I am alone. I was widowed 4 years ago after 43 years, we had no children and all my own immediate family live the other side of the world. I do have friends and volunteer at the local charity shop. I find one of the worst things is having no-one to discuss the day with over dinner. I am pleased you have found GN, the people here are wonderfully supportive and give very good advice (most of the time ). I know it is hard to walk into club or meeting alone when you are used to being part of a couple, but most people are very welcoming. I hope you are able to move on from your recent upset.

No wonder you feel down at times Mariana, and you're right to come on here for support and company.
Mollie's suggestion of getting a dog is a good idea, they're always pleased to see you, and protect you too.
Also, someone on the other thread suggested voluntary work. My friend's sister has been a volunteer helper in the nearby Primary school , just 2 afternoons a week, for many years. Listening to children read etc.
I don't know how easy it is to be accepted for something like that, but you could ask.
Everyone has something to offer, it's just a question of finding out what your special ability is, and making good use of it.

mariana, I felt so sad reading your post - I am not in your position, but loneliness, or being alone, can strike any one of us out of the blue, so I'm very grateful for the family I have. You belong to clubs and have friends, so that is a start, but I know it is easy to be lonely in a crowd.

Welcome to GN, I'm so glad you found this site as I hope it will prove to be your lifeline, with lots of friendliness and advice and suggestions and laughter and love. Pop in often, start threads, join in other threads - and look at your local Gransnet, see if there are any meet-ups arranged ('Local' tab at the top, second on the left).

mariana; I so wish I'd had a computer and internet access when my marriage broke up. I do have children but, apart from that no family and all the friends had been my husbands. I was working at the time. However, no matter how much time I spent with other people [I'd joined a singles group also] my house was still an 'empty' house...I even started smoking quite heavily in the evenings because the cigarettes provided some sort of companionship. There's something reassuring about having a computer on [a lot of forums tend to have people like me that stay awake late as well] almost feels like having someone else in the house. I do wonder if you might need to, perhaps have some sort of counselling about the loss of your baby; perhaps you didn't, at the time, talk it through with someone [I'm not saying that that would have made it all better, by the way]. Either way, you will find that there are people on this forum that are around most of the day and, unlike a lot of forums there is chat going on all the time. And, if you are feeling down there will be plenty of hugs for you.

I think a lodger would be an imposition in someone's solitary life but a dog (I say this as a dog-owner) is good as it gets you out and walking and less time to brood - plus you can chat to other dog-walkers.
as a solitary life person myself - I find a dog (though a tie) is good for a welcome when I walk in the door and first thing in the morning
I have one son who I brought up on my own as a single parent who in turn is married with one son so I am not entirely alone - that said they have their own lives to live and I live very much on the periphery of their day to day life. It is difficult and those who live in couples/large families do not appreciate how some of us spend 90% of our time alone which is particularly hard in the winter.
sending you a to brighten your day and hope you find friends where you live
gransnet is fine as it goes but no substitute for 'real' friends or even acquaintances

I'm so sorry you are lonely mariana. Have you heard of the silver line? It is for people who feel lonely. www.thesilverline.org.uk .You can phone them at any time and it's a free telephone number: 0800 4 70 80 90. I hope this helps and you'll make friends with them soon. My best wishes to you.

It sounds like you need to be wrapped in hugs too <hugs>

Have you thought about having a lodger? He/she would provide a little company in your house.

It sounds to me like you are hankering for a permanent companion.
I dont know much about online dating sites, or singles ads. From another thread you are on, you are a christian. There are christian dating sites. And on ordinary ones, I think you can prioritise your faith on them.

That is so sad for you mariana, and it is not easy just to volunteer or join clubs, is it, although it is good advice. I am not in your position, but if you are able to walk, I did find, when my husband was really poorly and I needed something to do, I went for a walk. I did it regularly for several weeks, and I was surprised at how many people I met on a regular basis, who said good-morning. It made a difference to my days.

Welcome from me mariana I hope you stay and join in the chat and postings we do enjoy our time here there is always someone about so you will never be lonely that way.
I can understand how sad it must be with no relatives a friend of mine is in the same boat and i do worry about her sometimes.
As hilda mentioned have you tried volunteering it does help and leads on to other things in the long run,keep posting and dropping in you will be made most welcome.

Welcome mariana - I hope that you find some kindred spirits to talk to here and will start some threads we can all join in.

mariana, I am not in your position but I do have real down moments so feel I sort of understand a little...anyway just want to say how sorry I am and to say 'hello'.

Many people come in here and get a lot of support from the lovely people here so I hope you can do that.

Joining clubs is a good idea but sometimes everyone seems to have much more interesting lives. I get a lot out of volunteering for people who really need help (adults with learning difficulties). Its odd but by helping those who have such real problems does help me.

Anyway, welcome and all the best.