Paying grandparents for childcare

My first GD lived close by but, to do her nutty mother justice, she never presumed. Mind you, I was teaching full time and serving as a Councillor, school governor etc. But I was free to do the fun things like picnics and cinema at the weekend, not to mention visiting the cake counter in the supermarket.

I think that's possibly what crimson was getting at, Annobel. You were working full-time and had other responsibilities, whereas I was working part-time and DD knew my boss was flexible. I would have loved to have been a weekend Nana, but I was too exhausted!

I find the 2 afternoons that I do for DGS1 are fine ( was a whole day before we moved closer) and I often have my DGD2 as well as they are good playmates and amuse one another with their crazy games. I would not want paying..that is why I offered to help with some care... to keep the cost down. if I was doing full time might feel differently...certainly would be very tired! I do not want to do more care..we usually see them at weekends too at some point. We still have plenty of time for our own friends, interests etc.

I'm going to sound very selfish here.
In the respect of childcare I'm glad I live 90mins away from DD as I'm sure I would have been asked (wouldn't have been able to say no) to have DGS before she left work to have DGS2. (DGS1 went to nursery) But then this would have been different to having him 24/7 for approx 6wks when added altogether as I have had to do during her difficult PG and time DD and SIL had to spend in London with Samuel. I have to confess I was only too happy to take him home each time, as I was exhausted

8am-6pm Mon-Fri would be a different prospect.

forgot to say, I did get taken out to dinner, and received a couple of prezzies for my trouble

Is Samuel still doing well nina? I often think of the dreadful time you all went through.

I think I'm going to have the best of both worlds. Am lucky enough to be working in own firm - can therefore take a day off in week if want to. DOH does not work on Fridays. DDIL will be going back to work very shortly three days a week. Her parents will be having DGS1 two days and we will be having him on Fridays. We will be alternating Thursday nights. DS is a teacher so will not be having DGS1 during school holidays.

Arrangement means DGS1 gets to spend quality time with both sets of GPs and more importantly, with DS on a one to one basis. Also, this way, there is no large financial burden on either set of GPs - they will collect and we will collect from them and drop him off at home/meet up with DS or DDIL to drop off.

Of course we will still see them all at weekends and during holidays in same way as do now.

DOH and I are younger and more active than DDIL's parents and will be doing different things - we'll do the walking, running, surfing, beachy, muddy things while DDIL's parents will do the quieter shoppy, crafty, visity things. Hopefully DGS1 will find that he has the best of both worlds and can have different relationships with us all.

Nobody feels left out and nobody feels put-upon. We do seem to be incredibly lucky that we have been able to work it out this way.

Phew as you know I have DGD living with me permanently she has done since she was 4.
When DD was alive we worked during the week and she worked long shifts at the hospital weekends ,this was not a satisfactory arrangement really as my marriage was failing and there where too many stresses to resolve,shortly after my marriage broke down DGD came to live with me permanently,and for various reasons wasn't able to continue working,I have recently been training as a childminder and just waiting to register but I have changed. My mind because I feel even over the last 6 months my energy levels have fallen this year is my diamond jubilee as well I do get at the moment a residency allowance for her and my partner is retraining at college in order to secure more work,we never took any money from DD as she was a single parent and we had to help support her financially also.

My daughter has asked me to look after her baby son when she goes back to work in January 2013. She wants to pay me-travel expenses plus a bit extra-this is because I have just retired, am divorced and have a small pension. She would pay for childcare but doesn't want to leave the baby with strangers. I have said yes to 2 days per week on a trial basis. She lives a 50 minute drive away so it is quite a commitment. However I would like to do this for her-not for the money but to help her and to spend time with my GS. I would not be able to afford to do this without the money she will give me-surely there is nothing wrong with this?
Even between families it is sometimes better to have an official arrangement rather than just 'good will'. As for government vouchers-I think this would be a brilliant idea!

That sounds like the ideal arrangement, Speldnan. As you say, it is quite a commitment and it's perfectly reasonable to accept travel expenses plus extra. It's a win-win situation! A lot of grandparents do volunteer, or feel pressured into giving childcare for free because their children can't afford nursery fees, and in some cases it can cause stress and/or ill-feeling. We do the best we can!

Crimson....agree so much...with your thoughts

Still in a state of shock about what's happened I've been browsing the internet and found an article that I'm going to send to my daughter [as she's not talking to me]. I can't cut and paste things, but it's from a site called grandparents.com [American version of gransnet?] and it's headed 'I'm the grandmother, not the babysitter'. Pretty much sums up how I'm feeling and, hopefully, as it's written by someone else she may understand the points raised.