Be kind

It’s very hard to reply objectively to some posts, because we only ever hear one side of a problem. Sometimes you can read between the lines a bit, but even then, it’s impossible to see the whole picture.

I think a lot of grandmothers forget what it’s like to be a daughter in law, or a busy working mum, not everything resolves around us, and neither should it.

Oh yes, elegran, thanks for the reminder about Grannynet!

Jingl often had a few choice words to say about it.

Welcome Jo61 but don't expect total kindness and understanding.
It's very easy, as I have discovered to my cost, to say something seemingly innocent only to find I have offended half a dozen people and am labelled passive aggressive whatever that means

How can you be too old Annsixty ? that makes no sense. All ages on here.

I have learned so much since joining a couple of years ago, it's a lifeline and met some of you in RL which is a bonus..

I'm happy to be kind, until someone is unkind to me or mine. Then I bite back. Same on GN as in real life .

Rufus The last paragraph of my post at 12:28:24 picks up how, once relationships with some posters goes wrong, that colours their reaction to everything posted by the one they fell out with. It is the same in real life - sometimes a certain person just can't be right for being wrong. That is clear from some of the threads on estranged family members, where what was said in anger years ago is still the dominating theme.

Each thread should be a separate conversation, without animosity leaking in from previous ones, but human nature does have a long memory.

Sarahmob - I agree with that sentiment.
Didn't mean to get off on the wrong foot.
Have a good day everyone

When I first joined GN just a few months ago I wanted to be kind.
As I am in real life.
But I wasn't treated that way .
"My feelsz got hurted!"

So I decided I would bite back more, though hopefully not in a rude way I know now that if you do not go along with certain posters then you will be called names at worst or just disagreed with. Which is fine.

But do avoid politics things go crazy on there!

Annsixty do not leave ! You are part of here...and you cannot be too old. And I am sensitive too. It is ok here for us.

Most of the threads on Gransnet contain no nastiness at all
Elegran Can I beg to differ without being reported? Or having my head bitten off?
If I could work out how the crazy GN Search function works I could show you a few beauties.!
Most things I say now are "reported" as bullying, without evidence other than "thoughts", but I'm in discussions with HQ, so I guess it's sub judice under GN Guidelines!
OoRoo

Jo61. I understand where you are coming from. A little kindness goes a long way.

However, I think when you are new you look at some of the responses and think they appear sharp. With time you will realise that some subjects, particularly politics and the like, attract posters who are passionate about the subject and you are going to get different opinions. I think it's just like real life.

I occasionally "put my foot in it", not intentionally but the printed word comes over differently, unfortunately, than it was intended.

Lots of good advice on here and nice people and some of the permanent support threads on here have the most caring posters who support their group and are always there for each other.

I would just go with the flow, keep reading and posting.

I read most posts, but rarely comment. I'm off to find the nose post - sounds fun!

When I wrote "^leave and go elsewhere^" I meant, of course, go to a different subject on Gransnet, not "Go away!" That is a prime example of how what you mean to say can come out as something else entirely!

When Gransnet was fairly new (eight years ago) another social media site started up, with a similar name, aimed at the same people. It was heavily moderated (unlike Gransnet, which waits for members to alert them before moderating posts) and it put a lot of emphasis on "nice" posts.

To be quite honest, I felt it was BORING and not worth visiting, and that is from me who doesn't like sarcasm and personal insults. Their members must have thought the same, because it got fewer and fewer posts, and eventually faded to nothing and closed down.

Most of the threads on Gransnet contain no nastiness at all, and almost all posters write sensibly without blasting anyone who disagrees with them. On some subjects, posts get polarised and posters start to be heated.

The secret is if you don't like to read their quarrels, leave and go elsewhere If you were the one on the receiving end, go back and read what you said yourself, and see whether it could have been misinterpreted by someone who didn't know you and couldn't see your face. If it could, post at once saying something like, "I didn't mean it as you have taken it, I meant . . . "

At least half of the fiery exchanges on here are caused by someone getting the wrong end of the stick and misunderstanding. A lot of the others are between people who fell out years ago over something completely different, but are still sniping at each other automatically. Leave them to it and go to a different conversation.

I think some of you are overreacting

I don’t take kindly to a lecture on how to behave and possibly your first post will have an adverse effect on what you are hoping to find on a mature forum.

May I point out that talking about a thread from another thread is against GN rules.

annsixty Stay put! You can’t leave us. You would be sorely missed by so many.

I don’t think jo is lecturing us, maybe it doesn’t hurt sometimes to have a gentle reminder to be a big kinder.

That’s not to say that we aren’t all lovely kind tolerant people.

I completely agree with janea about new people lecturing existing members.

And, I agree with all those who are telling annsixty that we need her to stay.

And I agree with the people saying that we are basically nice people.

I try to be kind when posting as everyone has their own personal struggles whether it’s health or family,finances, etc etc, I’ve only seen a couple of posts the other day where two ladies were having a dig at each other, I just read and move on, it doesn’t worry me as not everyone has the same views and obviously one poster was trying to put the other in her place, just like some people feel the need to do in the outside world if someone is getting above their station, I genuinely like gransnet and enjoy the forum,

ann I spent a few mins each week hiding all the threads I don't like the little of .

It would be a boring world if everyone held the same view of every subject and of course people are entitled to their opinions, but would it really hurt to voice those differences in a more mature and tactful way?

I feel a lot of posters just want to jump onto their soapboxes to crow about how superior they are. Usually makes me think twice before I post anything, as it's so easy to get into a situation where others can find the slightest thing to denigrate the OP, so I find it safer not to bother in the end!

annsixty your not going anywhere...we shall shackle you to the laptop (give you just enough rope to reach the kettle and the biscuit tin)

You've been here since "year Dot" same as me

Just sit back a while and lurk (like me) lol

I'm afraid the thread police bring out the worst in me. If somebody is rude or sarcastic to me I'll reply in a similar way. It's called standing up for yourself.

If a group of halo polishers then turn up and congratulate eachother on how perfect they are I ignore them because unless HQ state otherwise, we're all entitled to post however we like.

Whilst I do think some posters are harsh in some of their responses and being kind costs nothing, I also have to say posters must understand that when they start a thread they must expect people to disagree with them - possibly vigorously. Not everyone is going to agree with your point of view.

I don’t think that’s being mean or as is often stated ‘ bullying’ , it merely a difference of opinion.

So, I agree with ladymuch , a different view is not being horrible .

True Sara. I think also that the written word can cause confusion. Most people dislike long posts, and so we try to condense what we're trying to say. This can come across as terse and blunt, which gives totally the wrong impression.

I think a lot of the problems stem from us not really knowing each other, we can have a laugh with our friends regarding things, for example, like Meghans nose! Nobody takes offence, because we’re all familiar with each other.

A lot of things sound spiteful when probably no malice was intended.

Certainly there is no excuse for deliberate unpleasantness. It has to be said that it happens on all the chat sites, not just this one. A small number of people seem to get pleasure out of being nasty.
However, when someone has asked for opinions, I think we should be honest. Sometimes a person needs to see things from a different point of view.
I'm sure I'm not the only one who often is reluctant to respond to a thread because I fear the remarks which may result, especially when I see the familiar names!

People often leave the actual subject and focus instead on something which has been said, and it descends into a slanging match.