I want to declutter, partner does not want to?

I once knew a lady whose husband had a penchant for smart suits. They lived in a long walk in wardrobe and some of them were 20 years old and more. Despite this he would continue to buy new suits. On the arrival of the next resident, the lady would remove one he had bought years ago and donate it to charity so the suits were actually contained in the wardrobe and he never even noticed one was missing.

I wouldn't do it.
I'd collect the things I thought were unimportant (including my own) and say "are you bothered about any of these or can I give them to Oxfam?"

I think seeing them in one reasonably small collection at a time is unlikely to ruffle feathers.

I would hate it if someone did it to me.

I mean if they got rid of my "clutter" without asking.

Tbh if partner did this with my things, I would be grateful. I am reaching the point where a lot of things are just anchors that are holding me back. I had a lot of puzzles that I held onto, but felt super relieved when I donated them.

What about stuff you'll never use? Like a blanket with no sentimental value that the dog tore up?

Tbh if partner did this with my things, I would be grateful

But I think you are saying that he would not be?

Thank you for replying quickly by the way.

A lot of threads on here are started by a poster I have not noticed before, they start a post, and often never return to say anything else.

Personally, I would never throw out my husband’s ‘stuff’ without checking with him first.

I too would hate it if anyone did that with my stuff.

The cause of many a row in our house. I don't keep anything unnecessarily but my husband retains everything. I usually clear out some of my stuff ostentatiously then ask him what he is getting rid of. He has the lions share of storage in our house and three barns full of
crap useful stuff.

I'd quietly remove stuff.
Its ridiculous keeping things that have no value, either sentimental or money wise.

Sodapop I usually clear out some of my stuff ostentatiously then ask him what he is getting rid of.

That seems a bit rude and confrontational to me (but maybe he doesn't mind?)
I'd be more inclined to just pick one or two things he almost certainly won't need and ask nicely if you can pass them on?

I wouldn't start decluttering as though it is a challenge and a face-off.
I can't see that working to be honest.

Can you just declutter your own stuff, for now? He might be inspired by the difference it makes and make him want to do his own.

MissAdventure I'm not sure what funny little things might be sentimental to my husband to be honest.

He has some things I know about - but even after half a century we still have our own thoughts.

Yes i can respect tjat, and I'd steer clear of those. .but a torn blankef that the dog dug up????

I always thought I was good at decluttering because I've moved 15 times in 20 years but the biggest lesson I learnt was when my landlord decided to provide my neighbour and me with new very large black bins (the sort you see outside cafés). I create very little rubbish so I thought it would be an ideal place to store 'things'. An upright cupboard really. How useful!! 😄 My neighbour naturally assumed it was full of rubbish and because I was away that week she very kindly put it out for collection. So, crockery, games, tools etc etc etc all went in the rubbish van. I felt sorry for the waste of useful things but I didn't miss any of it, so it was a real, if very steep, learning curve about holding on to 'stuff'.

NotSpaghetti

I wouldn't do it.
I'd collect the things I thought were unimportant (including my own) and say "are you bothered about any of these or can I give them to Oxfam?"

I think seeing them in one reasonably small collection at a time is unlikely to ruffle feathers.

I would hate it if someone did it to me.

Neat idea. Just in case something turns up with sentimental value you didn't know of.

Or - have you a garage where you can box up and store his never used stuff with labels listing whats in it of his stuff and just tell him you are doing it?

ah, a joy of living alone, just my own stuff to de clutter....I have boxes of selected significant stuff from the past to keep and some aren't ready to go, some may never go, but they dont lie around, as one appreciates the Stuff left all the more.

This thread makes me so glad to be living alone, in charge of my own space. I keep things that are useful, beautiful or of significant emotional value and get rid of the rest. When I was married my husband was constantly asking after things that I’d chucked and I’d deny all knowledge. Now I don’t have that problem. I’d bag things up that you want to get rid of OP and if he hasn’t asked after them for a while, just dispose of them.

I struggle with my wife's clutter, stuf that is kept e Auden it might be needed, but buys new anyway. The freezer the fridge kitchen cupboards wardrobes stacked with stuff that sits there for years unused.
I purged the freezer a few weeks ago, fridge next,

The older I get, the more I need a peaceful house! I try to declutter things as I'm going along, so no great piles, but it is hard. Especially with clothes - I'm currently a size 12 , having come down from a size 20 over the last year, but I'm still having problems letting the bigger sizes go. A work in progress!
Re husband/partner's stuff - Mr LP is quite good at getting rid of stuff, but sometimes needs 'encouraging'. So if I'm clearing out a drawer for eg, anything of his I will lay out on the table and ask if he needs/wants any of this, or can it go ( bin/charity). He finds it easier to look and decide quickly. Stuff gets disposed of, and we're both happy.
Currently plucking up the courage ( and the energy! ) to tackle the loft!
xxx

There's a decluttering thread, if it might help?
No expectations, no pressure, just a bit of chat, a bit of support, and sharing our successes, for example 1 bra out, 2 empty carrier bags gone
I don't think anyone's in their lofts yet, though!

I’ve been doing some decluttering lately, and made the mistake of asking dh about something. It was a bundle of maybe a dozen letters from among a childless aunt’s things after she died (with dementia) in her care home.

She had been estranged for a long time from her husband (never actually divorced) but in later years they’d kept in touch, so there were several letters from him. I did read one or two - they seemed to be very loving, so I felt bad reading something so private.

I was just going to shred them the other day - what was the point in hanging on to them, just something else for dds (who never really knew her) to have to get rid of one day? There will be more than enough stuff for them to deal with anyway.*

Dh was firmly against the idea of shredding them, he thought I should hang on to them - but for what??
I shall quietly do it anyway soon.
*I have already told them, and will put it in writing, that apart from a list of anything valuable, for goodness sake just get a house clearance firm in.

We did a Swedish Death Clearance 3/4 years ago and then moved house last year so we are clutter free and it will stay that way.

My husband who was reluctant to throw anything away is a convert!

He says he now wishes he had cleared out years ago, he was hoarding family stuff that our children don’t want.

We miss nothing.

Letters are one of the things that people do get sentimental about even if it doesn't feel logical.

Some young people are fascinated by historical pictures or letters its depends what they are like. My DS appears to have no sentimentally in him but I know he'd like them along with albums etc and some pictures and not a lot more. But it depends what they are like.

Happily both of us are neat freaks and don't keep extra things adopting a one in one out philosophy. In a small house you have to be tidy I think - well I do. Sadly my darling DD2 divorced and moved house this weekend when she came face to face with her spending and hoarding as did we helping to move and unpack. Hopefully she will appreciate her smaller house and her smaller budget and stop hoarding.