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husband has had a stroke

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labazs Mon 20-Jul-26 10:20:51

i do not want to make this all about me as its not but i am needing some advice.
firstly me. i have a long history of self harm depression anxiety etc but have been fairly stable. I have recently been diagnosed as having arthritis in my knee with intense pain as they think I am having the same in my hip but am waiting for an MRI scan to confirm. A steroid injection in my knee did help and again waiting for an apt to go to theatre to have injections in my hip.
Saturday morning me and Ron my partner were going to go out to lunch. Since he lost his mother and father 4 years ago finding out his brother is only half brother he has had a really awful temper on him. He has hit me before now he has really changed many times I have wanted to leave but not being able to access benefits I stayed recently moving to a lovely bungalow that has all we need but is a good mile out of town,
One of those tele sales rang up on about dog food I whispered to him our dog hates it but he ignored me and signed up. When he had finished I said honest I was trying to tell you Moo our dog hates it. He went mad throwing things etc then said he was goin to the bathroom. As he came back through the door he was staggering all over the place and sort of fell on the sofa but his bottom was on the edge and he slumped sideways then rolled onto the floor. His speech was slurred and he said his leg was dead. He started crying get me up but I rang an ambulance as I thought he was classic stroke symptons. It turns out the blood pressure pills he was given 10 years ago and has never taken were for a good reason. His blood pressure was 225 over 160 because of this veins in his head had popped and he had a bleed. Its been a total nightmare he is diabetic 2 and he lives on chocolate and red bull never takes his pills again. He has lost his right arm feelin his speech is terrible they say today they will be getting various people seeing him like diabetic nurse physio speech therapist etc etc.
The only way I have to get to the hospital which is a good 60 mile round trip is my sister and daughters. My one daughter is a nurse there but she brought me back last night but it was gone 9 having been at the hospital since 10.
I am told he could be in for 7 weeks then maybe moved to our local hospital which though I cannot walk to would possibly be able to get community transport to as they only do this area.
My sister is taking me tomorrow and buying me lunch as its my bday wednesday my one daughter taking me wed and I shall have a day home thursday then my other daughter working friday so another long day.
I woke up this morning and had a panic attack I'm on pills for that and do not want anymore but yesterday I kept feelin sick and panicky. It could be shock as sat I was running on adrenaline.
Its not goin to be good he won't be able to drive etc so I just do not know what kind of life it will be for him or me. I know I should not look that far but its hard for him. He does not read listen to pod casts do puzzles etc which I do so would be fine! I can see him getting angry and frustrated takin it out on me again.
How can I stop my mental health failin me? I am putting too much on my hip and knee but need to do it so also how can I factor in any apts I have like for the MRI eventually
Thank you for reading

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Cossy Mon 20-Jul-26 10:32:38

Morning, I’m so so sorry to hear all this.

I hope you find the help you need both for him and for you.

BP tablets are always there for a reason. My friends sister did the same as your husband, didn’t take her pills, had a stroke.

Good luck thanks

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labazs Mon 20-Jul-26 10:36:55

I have begged and pleaded with him to take them especially as his mother had a stroke from which she did not come back. I have known a lot of people with strokes with varying degrees of recovery. People keep saying this will be a wake up call but I do not think it has changed him. I honestly think once he does get home he will still go on his own sweet way

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Luckygirl3 Mon 20-Jul-26 10:45:11

I am sorry that your circumstances are so difficult.

When the time comes for you to discuss your OH's discharge from hospital you need to be very open with those helping you to organise his care about the sort of man he is and the problems you face: physical, mental health and also the abusive behaviour from him. They need to have the whole picture in order to help you make the right decisions for both of you.

In the meantime you can contact your local Age UK and DV services just to get some information up your sleeve - knowledge is power! That way you do not go into the next step knowing nothing and feeling powerless.

Take some days off from going to see your OH and recharge your batteries.

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JenniRen Mon 20-Jul-26 10:45:14

I'm really sorry to hear about your husband, labazs.

However, the saying "Fasten your own oxygen mask first" comes to mind so please take care of yourself as a priority. Your husband is being cared for and then you say will be sent to your local hospital. If it is proposed that he comes home at any point, tell them you cannot have him home until a care package is set up.

Please look after yourself and accept any help offered.
His outbursts were perhaps due to his high blood pressure and a reminder to us all, they are not prescribed for nothing.

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J52 Mon 20-Jul-26 12:00:17

I’m sorry you’re in such a difficult position. The advice from Luckygirl13 is good.
Apart from your husband’s medical situation, you are in an abusive relationship and being physically abused is not acceptable. It sounds as if this has been going on for a while, of course what you do about it is entirely up to you, but you should get some professional advice and make contact with Woman’s Aide and possibly report the abuse to the police. Now is the time to care for yourself. Good luck.

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valdali Mon 20-Jul-26 12:10:23

labazs

I have begged and pleaded with him to take them especially as his mother had a stroke from which she did not come back. I have known a lot of people with strokes with varying degrees of recovery. People keep saying this will be a wake up call but I do not think it has changed him. I honestly think once he does get home he will still go on his own sweet way

Don't beg & plead. To me he sounds contrary and stubborn, the more you ask him to do something the less likely he is to do it. Some men are just like that. & he will feel even more resentful & hard-done by now he's had a stroke (he won't realise he contributed to it, he'll just feel hard-done-by)
I would just say to him, 'these are the tablets the doctor told you to take, I'll leave them here if you want them. If you can't find them, ask me. I'm not going to nag or remind you.'
I hope he does make a good recovery, it is always hard early on with bleeds to predict how it will go, fingers crossed for you both.

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