Black Dog 30

Scaredycat Must be so very hard to lose a friend like that. As you say , his wife with Alzheimers has been mercifully spared such grief ,and yes, I agree that sometimes its kindest to pass away when the body has to go through so much. One of the worst things of getting older is seeing others pass away. I am sorry.
Oh that leg wound sounds nasty. My aunt has banged her shins a few times and they can take so long to heal. Sod's lore the surgery being shut right when you needed it . Keep it covered in bed and hope its stopped bleeding. You're having a tough time of it at present. X
Wyllow Do hope your DGD L gets that op . It must be so hard for your son and DIL to see her going through all this as L grows.
As I said in earlier post, I try not to ever drive in the dark. I think your confidence in driving is quite good - you have driven to your holiday destination earlier too and that takes some doing on unfamiliar roads- though going to your BIL and cousins could be too much especially if you're feeling fatigued.
You have been so disciplined with keeping your body healthy - yoga and gym- you deserve the rewards.
Yes, there are times when my DH needs to find out for himself what he can and cant do. Its quite a fine line to tread-- pushing ourselves but also being realistic.
Nadateturbe Thinking of you and we know you read too. Sending love.

Got a few things in like 'travel stuff' in small containers and bought a plastic container to replace the glass jar of coffee. Trying to make things as light as possible to relieve strain . Saw son who wasnt feeling too great today. Hope he's not going to be unwell for holiday. He said he feels a bit bruised after being on this rough ride roller - coaster when he took family to theme park the other day.

Take care everyone. Wishing all a peaceful night.

Wyllow I did try art when it started but was really bad .. the people who do it are talented and every year have a theme Which is made into a calendar. And I am busy in the kitchen when they are on which suits me better. I hope your gd gets on well in London.

EllieAnne Not much energy but felt I have to speak to you. I go to an art group. Some of us are terrible painters! Some are wonderful artists. We don't care. It really doesn't matter, as long as you enjoy it.
You are as important and valuable as anyone else. God made you and loves you. Don't worry what anyone else thinks. Be yourself. Express your views. And wear your glasses! Glasses are lovely.
Can I recommend a book I read years ago, Feel the Fear. Short and very helpful.Also Louise Hay, she has written about self esteem and self love.
I think you need to restore your self confidence and esteem.

Wyllow3 It's so annoying when washing gets so wet like that. It's been overcast here and rained for about 5 minutes, but I put some washing on a clothes horse. My aqua friend was going out with her daughter, to Trentham Monkey Forest, so I didn't stay for long. She's one of those people who knows everyone - she grew up and went to school around here (she's now in her 60s), and she also knows lots of people from going to ALL the Nottingham Forest matches (even ones abroad). I do so hope that your GD will be suitable for the surgery, and that it will be of great benefit to her.

SweetpeaSue The reason the GP reckoned they couldn't give me any extra BP pills is that I've been on 5 different ones and had bad side effects with them all. The GP actually stopped 2 of them. One caused the Vasculitis. Until I got Covid then had the stroke, I wasn't on anything except ADs. My Vasculitis is fine now, thanks. It was the heat that made it flare up.

Nadateturbe That was a really nice post to EllieAnne.
EllieAnneIts so hard when youve no self- esteem. I totally understand the hairdressers dreaded appt- Ive avoided them for 4 yrs and my hair is not good. Like you - hate looking in mirror.
Im glad you like to contribute in the kitchen and that is very valued so please dont think its any less. Its no less than any of the other jobs.

SweetpeaSue Your son is braver than mine - fancy going on a rollercoaster! No wonder he feels knocked about.

EllieAnne Am I right in saying you've got glasses but don't like wearing them? I have to wear mine all the time, then have others for reading and close-up stuff, Perhaps a different style is needed? I get mine from Glasses Direct (online), using the prescription from the optician. They're much cheaper to buy that way.

Nadateturbe Wise words to EllieAnne. Hope you're looking after yourself.

Love to all for a restful night x

Hvdy I don’t mind wearing glasses. I used to wear contacts but during Covid didn’t see any point and I’ve never gone back to them. It’s just seeing myself that bothers me.
Thanks for all the kind words.

Hi all
HVDY- I,m pleased with my hair- phew!! My DD and I have been going to our hairdresser for many years and he now has his own salon. He knows all the family so is more like a friend. But that doesn’t help the looking in the mirror thing as a completely different face now looks back at me 😩I also take my glasses off.
My shin is still raw as there’s not much skin on them is there.
The nurse put a lovely damp dressing on that won’t stick so shouldn’t pull off stuff when we take it off.yuk.
I,m glad your Vasculitis has calmed down . As for the BP it’s the worst scary thing for me ever since a really nasty nurse frightened me about mine.
My DH helps a lot more now in the house - even learnt to cook a bit.Hes younger than me so that helps!!!😀😀😀
Hope Jaffa continues to improve.
EllieAnne- I wish we could all convince you what a dear ,kind lady you are.. Your self esteem has been been so eroded but you have so many good qualities- please give yourself a break.
Your DH needs a reality check. His Birthday weekend has been arranged so he has family celebrations. He’s not the only one who needs nice things done for them. I feel so cross for you.
Without lovely people like you- always willing,selfless etc we,d all be in a pickle. What you do is important but should never ever be taken for granted.
SweetPeaSue- Ohnyou didn’t need that tooth problem on top of everything else. It’s a double whammy too isn’t it . The horrible treatment and then a sacking great bill😩
Your Church story was touching - what a lovely thing to be able to write a prayer message for DH. Old churches are full of spirits and emotions- centuries of life both happy and sad. I love the light from a stained glass window reflected on the stone.
I do hope you can relax on your holiday- a time of contrast . Family fun and a bit of noise and then nice quiet time with DH
Doodle- your day at the hospice became a lovely meet up- what a special place it seems to wrap you in a kind hug.
What a thing to happen to your pacemaker - you play it down but it’s must have been really scary.
You fill your time with friends new and old and your lovely family so your days pass mainly contentedly. Your DH is always with you but the physical presence is what you long for and miss so much. He would be so proud of you.
I,d rather be on a Motorway any day - it’s little roads I hate. When DH and I were first married I,d only just learned to drive. We went to live abroad for 2 years so I drove back and forth regularly - as you well know it’s amazing what you can do if you have to.
Wyllow- so hope L can have her Operation- a stressful time for DS and DiL .
Sad you couldn’t go too but there,ll be other times once your shattered confidence heals.
Smiles are the International language of friendship and approachability. Your Yoga and healthy lifestyle have certainly paid off for you.
We don’t have much choice here as we use motorways a lot,including the dreaded M25.
My DD came over for a chat this morning as the men were golfing. My SiL Dad went to rehab yesterday so a step nearer to going home.
Must have been nice to have a quiet evening with your friend after the busy days .
Nadateturbe- Such kind words for EllieAnne- true and caring. Take Care.

Love to all

HVDY Im sorry ,I remember now about the BP tablets unsuitablility. It must pose a problem to the Dr- I hope they find something else to lower it. Glad the Vasculitus rash is going.
Oh my son wasnt going to go on that roller-coaster but his son had been wanting to and was scared so DS said hed go on with him - then DGS backed out last minute and left his dad in the queue alone!
Nadateturbe I read that book too- 'Feel the Fear and do it Anyway'. Thought it made a lot of sense actually. I think I need to re-read it now!
Scaredycat I know its saying the obvious - but do be careful of knocking your poorly shin . It sounds so nasty and they can take ages to heal. I hope your DS's wound is healing too.
Yes, the holiday is just as you say , first half Son,DIL and DGS then the quiet bit. My step granddaughter would have been coming too - she and my DGS get on well together but shes abroad on holiday with her other parent. F is coming too though - hope she behaves.

* Wyllow* Doodle** EllieAnne* Hoping your day has been OK.

Got most things packed for early start tomorrow. Guts been a bit dicey but its just a bit of anxiety.
If I cant come in as often it will be the wi-fi , they've said it can be intermittent.
Love to all .xx

Wyllow we had a thunderstorm while in church this afternoon. Short lived but welcome. I’ve been out on my balcony in my rocker the air was so damp and fresh it was lovely.
I mainly just try and smile and talk to people. I do get I. Better with older people especially those who are bereaved. It’s like being part of a group that no one wants to be in but we all understand that between us. We were talking about it in bereavement group this afternoon. How no one else gets it. Lovely little group.
Sweetpeasue I had no idea there was anything wrong with my pacemaker I thought I’d got a chest infection. I was in hospital with DH and struggling to cope. I couldn’t walk down the corridor without stopping because I couldn’t breathe. I went to A and E but they couldn’t find anything wrong, Then I thought maybe panic attacks due to the situation. It was only when my GP sent me for a chest X-ray and they found one of my lungs had a large amount of fluid and blood in it did they realise anything was wrong.
I hate driving in the dark. I used to do it all the time but I’ve got the beginning of cataracts and I think that makes the lights dazzle.
Ellie Anne I can thoroughly recommend an art class. I have no talent whatsoever. Can’t draw of sketch. But I can lose myself for hours in art class.

Ellie Anne you could try and find another art group. They are not all the same. What do you do in the kitchen?
Sweetpeasue try and relax and have a good time.
Scaredycat good the dressing is a gentle one. Some of them can tear the skin when you take them off. Hope it heals soon.
You’re right I do feel a sense of peace at the hospice. Such a calm and caring place.
I do have lovely friends and a lot of company. I am very lucky. Sadly, contented is something I’m not. That safe, mellow happy feeling isn’t there anymore. It ont be until I’m with DH again. I do really miss being content and happy.
So pleased your SIL s father is on the mend and in rehab, that’s good, Nice to have your daughter close so she can just pop over.
HVDY glad the vascular is is better. Now it’s cooler that should help too. BP tablets often upset the system. You could ask to be referred to a Hypertension consultant (not sure if that’s what they’re called. DH went to one when so many of the tablets made him ill.
Ellie Anne when I said I was no oil painting I meant it. My nose is large and bumpy (my most prominent feature) skin is pale and dry. Eyes ok I suppose. What matters most is how you engage with others and if you have low self esteem and keep quiet you’ll miss those conversations you could have with others who are lonely or need a friend.
Night night all. Been a busy day for me. Church this afternoon which was nice.

Doodle I think I remember now you having to go to A&E when your DH was in hospital too. Its awful that they didnt x-ray your chest or anything in A&E ,that seems bad to me. They're all in so much of a rush now to get through patients its like a conveyor belt sometimes. You must have felt quite scared when you knew something was wrong and you were also trying to be there for your DH.
You went through so much and it was an exhausting situation enough without extra complications. When people wonder how others get through - well I expect you winder yourself but theres no choice is there.
Oh Im glad its cooler now for you. Sounds a lovely place to be , on your balcony on a rocker with the view of the river. Night God bless x

ScaredyCat Finding a good hairdresser is so important, isn't it? Nice that you see him as a friend. Hope your shin is less painful and that it's better soon. You're right - the skin on shins is really fragile. Jaffa must be feeling a bit better, as he had a play with one of his toys earlier. Glad your DIL's dad is recovering, and hope it won't be long until he can go home.

SweetpeaSue This Vasulitis rash never goes - it starts as a red, pinprick rash, but then turns orange/brown after a few days. Luckily, it looks like freckles (I am freckly anyway). At least it doesn't hurt now. I hope you have a lovely holiday. Glad that heatwave is over.

Doodle It must help to chat with people who are in the same boat as you - bereaved, with all the emotions that go with that. The trouble you had with your pacemaker like that must have been terrifying, as well as painful. Awful. One of the GPs I saw ages ago mentioned the possibility of me being referred to a bloody pressure clinic of some sort at the hospital. Perhaps that's what they'll do. I find all of it quite a pain, to be honest.

Roast pork dinner at day centre (I don't like pork, so had a vegetable fritter thing). LG here 5 until 8.30, as the parents took LG's big sister out for a meal to celebrate her getting excellent grades in her GCSEs. LG was a bit of a madam - didn't touch her dinner, refused to get in the bath (and had a screaming fit about it), helped herself to an apple, then threw it away after 2 bites. She was tired. (and so are we now. Hope everyone had a comfortable night x

Thank you all but really art is not for me.
In the kitchen I wash dishes make tea and coffee and put out baking.

Hello all, it feels a long time since I came in! Been very tired and pre-occupied but calm. DGDL is all covered with EEG and ECG monitors for 24 hours, didnt look happy, but it’s not intrusive and DS is there all the time.

I don’t know how they find the energy, as DS and family are going in holiday on Monday - to a posh lodge camp outside Paris. I forget the energy of my mid 40’s.

I think your travel plans seem so sensible, *Sweetpeasue. Making things light an convenient. That kind panning takes some time but a blessing once you travel.

Note - I would never go on a roller coaster, thinking of your son!

Now, travel safe, travel well, I know you will take care, report in, and hoping for thievery best

If you feel comfiest in the kitchen, EllieAnne, stay with it. It gives everyone comfort and a cuppa, invaluable to have someone who does that! I wear my glasses for being out and about, TV, Driving, walking around outside. I cant go out with out them, but when talking to people like to take them off, not for show, but I sort of dont like the barrier? I stick them on my head.
I have a nice pair from Specsavers and have spares as I am always mislaying them.

I’d say spend a bob or two more on ones that look nice. Helps with the confidence: yes, I know it involves mirrors, but maybe someone nice in the shop will help you by recommending a pair. “What have you that you think will suit me - I can never decide - I can afford such and such” And what Scardeycat said, big time.

That is a good recommendation, nadateturbe. Time for a re-read of “Feel the Fear” methinks.

Your local friend HVDY is handy to have knowing everywhere to have outings! As regards your Vasculitis, another reason for enjoying the cooler weather. Which I have been doing. And the rain too. I have been drying clothes on radiators which is nice in the cooler evening anyway. That rash takes a lot of looking after. Actually, I quite like the veggie fritter idea.

Oh, LG didnt like the attention on someone else, did she? Whoops….

Aw Scardeycat I really hope the dressing has helped your shin. And yes re the smiles. International is right. The warmth when it’s in the eyes is a language all of its own. Children like it, they spot white hair and a warm twinkle. Now take it easy now, you are going through a lot with friends and your dear sis and so on.

Oh, isnt this fresh weather lovely, Doodle. Sigh. I like a bit of drama with the weather but no actual Thunderstorms. You might be right re the cataracts and driving in the dark - useful thought - optician says I have little ones too, but its normal for age, blah blah..et al…
How can one get that mellow feeling back? Well… it will never be the same, for sure. It was so, so, very secure, your marriage, and so so long.
Any feelings of wellbeing you manage will be different, but I have no equivalent experience to know how it might be - all I can say is although my faith is very different from yours, it remains an abiding help as long as I am well, which I have been despite “stuff”xxx

Today I took it more easy. I have had to try and get a plumber PDQ, hopefully next week at the latest, I contacted him first thing and only went and sent the pictures of what was needed doing to the wrong person as I was so dozy 🤣 but realised in time.
But I went on down to the gym and did and easy session and my leg, which had been really bad tbh, is eased, and I have an appointment with the top trainer on Monday, its free as I am a member. And next week get the shoe inserts for the other leg, not high ones, just helpful enough.

Popped by to see a friend on the way home, then at last got an afternoon sleep, a nice Q zoom. Now its rather late, and I have to get up for a man early with the new car key to sort out both keys agreeing with each other (don’t ask how) but I guess a respectable dressing gown will be OK.

Sweetpeasue Safe travels. I hope you and your husband enjoy your holiday, especially having your sons family with you for part of it, which will be lovely. x

Hi all
SweetPeaSue- hope you have a lovely holiday. You have done good sensible packing now just enjoy beautiful Wales.
I,m sure F will help you get things organised once she arrives!!
Make some lovely memories.
HVDY- Glad Jaffa is feeling well enough to have a bit of a play- a good sign.
My SiL parents are both 92 and now will not be able to be alone at any time. The logistics for that are so difficult as their family and friends plus carers are all doing their best but it’s not sustainable.
I would have chosen the frittata too- they do make varied food though don’t they.
Oh dear LG had a strop- not like her is it. She’s probably tired after all the heat and perhaps it was her first realisation that she was not included in the celebrations. She,ll be her dear little self again today.
ElieAnne- you play a very important part within your group but I agree with others you could maybe have a try at more than one Art group. If not what about a cooking class for more exotic food.
Doodle- I too remember you having a problem while at the hospital with DH. The description of what was wrong is horrific - I would have freaked!!
Yes I,m lucky DD is so close - she’s stressed at the moment worrying about family stuff so it’s good to be there for her too.
Wyllow. - Ah poor L it will be uncomfortable for her but I guess she’s quite used to hospitals. Having Dad there is such a reassurance.
This morning was coffee out with DH- we always see a lovely little lady there who gets taken there by various family members. She is 94 and bright as a button and always has her hair done on Fridays. She’s wonderful.
This afternoon we are taking my friend to hospital as she is having a PET scan. Nobody is allowed in with her so we will go home and someone will take her home.
Hope the Key man turned up on time
Love to all - another weekend already!!

Wyllow3 Hope your son and his family have a lovely holiday. Are they going for a week? I remember having lots of energy in my 40s. I wish I had that now. LG came here straight from nursery (8 until 4.30), so she hadn't been at home at all. Long day out for her. Glad your leg is feeling easier. Hope you got the key situation sorted out ok, and that you manage to get a plumber asap.

ScaredyCat You're so kind to all your friends. Hope your friend's PET scan goes well. The week has gone by quickly, hasn't it?

The usual chores today, and I'm now going to aqua aerobics with my friend. Hope everyone has a decent day x

The WhatsApps about DGD L from DS came through at midday.
I'd been sniffling as something else big happened earlier (a busy morning too)

Okay they just told us we are almost certain to be on the trial
Needs formal sign off but they are happy and they made the diagnosis

Me - "oh, oh my, oh my… 🥰🎶🎶 (more sniffling)

Then after yesterdays sad picture of her with electrodes all over it was awful, looking so unhappy

she was then having a simply fab happy time at the GOSH Disneyland section - I found a picture of it -
thewaltdisneycompany.com/news/disney-designed-childrens-play-area-opens-at-londons-great-ormond-street-hospital/
Bless, her memory isn't that good and a lot of yesterday will be forgotton and she did sleep well
I hope DS did drop off on a chair - but he is one of those sorts who can drop off anytime.

They leave for Paris on Sunday I think or Monday by train all the way to Paris.

I want to be bright as a button at her age, Scardeycat!

Nah, the leg is the same as I didn.t move round enough in the right way, but a walk out in the High Peak planned for tomorrow all being well. Rain or no.

Sweetpeasue as you say, it’s amazing what you can do when you have no choice. Yes much cooler today. I even got my cardigan out of the cupboard.
HVDY your typo made me laugh. We can get cross at times with all the health problems.
Such good news about LGs big sister. You must all be pleased.
Ellie Anne do you enjoy helping out or just do it as a chore.? I do a lot of washing up at church and cutting cake and cleaning up etc. I don’t mind. It keeps me busy.
Wyllow I’m so pleased about the latest update on you DGD. I can’t imagine how difficult it must be for all the family waiting nervously for results. So pleased for you all. Anything to do with children is extra worry. Hope they have a nice holiday, hope you can relax a bit now.
Scaredycat I must admit the day they told me my pacemaker lead had punctured my heart and lung I was stunned. I was so sure it couldn’t be, The chances of it happening are such a tiny percent. So unusual that the consultant I saw said he’d now idea how they’d fix it but I would need to see a specialist.
Sorry about your DDs worries. Their worries are ours too now matter how old they are, hope it all works out ok.
It is difficult for families to cope when elderly parents need more help at home. Our DIL gave up work recently so she could look after her 92 year old mum.
Have a good and peaceful weekend all

That is a very special thing to do... I honestly don't know if I could have.

Doodle, I hadn't recalled that at all, the pacemaker - never heard of it before. what a time that was xx

Tired out, been prone listening to music for hours, a shower and not the usual late night as I want to be up early for a walk before the relevant car park on my fave place gets full up. There won't be much walking, but there doesn't need to be - the views are instant, and lovely. since I was last there at the end of June, I'm wondering how the ferns and heather have fared in the heat.

I hope you have arrived safely, Sweetpeasue, and thinking of absent BD's. x

Hi everyone xx Well. I have sold my house it took a whole 4 days! I have also had an offer accepted on a bungalow. Hopefully moving end of Nov. I think it will be New year but lets wait and see.

Hi all
Nanny2507- that’s great news . What a quick sale🤞 it goes through without a hitch. Now this time you can put down some roots somewhere you feel content in. So pleased for you.
Wyllow- So glad about L it’s wonderful news . Have a lovely walk tomorrow - such beautiful scenery and it has become very loved by us too as my Sis lives there.

Doodle- you’re so right my DD has many worries at the moment . Her and SiL were really enjoying their retirement but life had other plans. But as they say that’s, life. Doesn’t make it any easier though does it.
Thank goodness your pacemaker problem was able to be sorted- it must have been terrifying.
HVDY- yes lack of energy is so frustrating. I have been lucky and had loads of energy until the AF struck in my early seventies.
My friend is home again after her scan and feels ok. She’s had some food too . She has to drink a lot of water this evening- not fun. Thank you for thinking of her.
SweetPeaSue- wishing you Happy Holidays.

Love to all

I enjoy working in the kitchen. I often work with a male helper and we get on well together. This is unusual for me because I often feel nervous or uncomfortable with men.

Thats so nice, EllieAnne, a wee haven.

So good to hear your news, nanny, hey well done on that sale.

Well, it's the consequences Scaredycat feeling uncomfy and trips to the loo. When will she get the results?

It's nice you know my countryside.

Oh my yes, lack of energy. The Wyllow who cycled 17km last September. 😡 Getting angry doesn't help: but I still am. I dont know what has happened to MrA, and I dont give a D, but those - in a worship setting - who failed to support and the one or two who told me a s assault had not happened - well, I cant let that anger go yet, until I get more energy back - I havent had an apology, you know! Having a couple f new friends has widened my life, except limited energy in enjoying their company - last weeks seeing friends family involved 6 hour outings, something just 10 months ago I would have thought noting of - means the last few days have been very limited. indeed you, the family emotional family stuff on too.

So - and worse for nadateturbe - frustrating.

Best nights,