How do I cope?

You’re having such a tough time HappyBumbleBee and done extraordinarily well, that virus has been the final straw making everything worse.
Go gently, at your own pace, but please share with your family, I’m sure they can take it xx

Don’t feel bad about leaning on the family they probably feel powerless and need to feel there is something they can do for you.
And you don’t always need to be strong, bawl your eyes out and howl at the moon if you feel like it, or just curl up in bed.
Sending hugs 🤗 and 💐💐

Monica I find the best place for a good cry is in a nice warm/ hot shower it just seems to wash all the tears away

BlueBelle

Monica I find the best place for a good cry is in a nice warm/ hot shower it just seems to wash all the tears away

Snap!
Also it is so my DH whom I care for can’t hear me.

Sending you my best wishes. Speaking from experience, if you find the right counsellor, they don't tell you things, they let you speak and guide you towards working things out for yourself which can be very helpful. Otherwise, you could try writing a diary. At least this gets any difficult thoughts out of your head and onto the paper. You might not want or need to read it again but at least you would have an outlet for your feelings.

HappyBumbleBee please don’t dismiss counselling. Having someone to talk to without having to consider their feelings can be an enormous help. Given all you are facing you need all the support you can get. Is there a Maggie’s anywhere near you. It’s a charity that specialises in supporting people living with cancer AND their families. They also have an online service which I found very helpful.

Your family will want you to lean on them.
Its not easy, of course, but they'll want to give support.

Feeling that you're not able to do the only thing that you can, when someone you love is suffering is awful.
Please believe that.

I wouldn’t rule out speaking to a counsellor. Now, I hope I’m not being insensitive by suggesting this but when I first had a mobility problem years ago which stopped me getting out and about, I made a point of watching all the films I had on dvd or video that I hadn’t had time to watch. My mobility improved but has now deteriorated again so I’m going to do the same thing. I’d find eg a director that I hadn’t known very well and watched all of their back catalogue. I’m also planning to start listening to books on audible. It was good to immerse myself in something. Don’t rule out taking anti depressants if anyone suggests them; I took them for a while once and they lifted me out of the black hole I’d descended into. And you can always pour everything out on here you know.

Thankyou ❤️💐 I’ve just sat down with a cup of coffee and read everyone’s replies - it’s hard to explain how much it helps, but it really does and to those of you that have been through or are going through your own struggles, I truly appreciate you taking the time to reply to me. X
I made the conscious effort of getting up early and baking a cake and making some rocky road. I have an office chair in the kitchen so I can sit or wheel myself around if need be, and I’ve just proved it all up to disperse between everyone!
I have to do that or I’ll sit and eat the lot!!
I’m exhausted but a good exhausted and I don’t feel guilty now having a rest xx
💐

I add my best wishes to everyone else’s and glad you are happier and a busier bumble bee today. Hope the cake tastes good. I don’t bake but do love a bit of cake occasionally as a treat.

There is to be a lot of kindness on here.

There is a lot of kindness on here

Nothing to add but sending you (((hugs))) don't know what chemo you are having but I was told to suck frozen pineapple pieces or ice Lolly whilst having my chemo to prevent a site mouth.

HappyBumbleBee

Thankyou ❤️💐 I’ve just sat down with a cup of coffee and read everyone’s replies - it’s hard to explain how much it helps, but it really does and to those of you that have been through or are going through your own struggles, I truly appreciate you taking the time to reply to me. X
I made the conscious effort of getting up early and baking a cake and making some rocky road. I have an office chair in the kitchen so I can sit or wheel myself around if need be, and I’ve just proved it all up to disperse between everyone!
I have to do that or I’ll sit and eat the lot!!
I’m exhausted but a good exhausted and I don’t feel guilty now having a rest xx
💐

Oh that's good to hear, well done for baking, sounds delicious and baking can lift your spirits. Glad you have taken comfort from all the friendly replies. Keep smiling.

You have and still are coping with a lot. Is there a Maggies Centre near you by any chance. Wonderful organisation for those going through what you are. Why not a counsellor? Speaking with someone even though as you say you are repeating what you've already said or feel, they can be an outlet for your thoughts and you will not feel you are burdening anyone eg family members. We all at times need help in all different ways and accepting we do is a bigvstep to coping with what's going on in our life.

Oh HappyBumbleBee. Send a drone with a slice of cake please to go with my mug of tea.

I'll wave it down from my window

Please don't feel guilty. It wasn't your choice to become ill.
Please consider councilling from experts in this field.
Take your own advice as in what you would say to someone you cared about. Be kind to yourself.
I'm sending you a gentle hug and best wishes

Love, hugs, flowers and all my best wishes HappyBumbleBee for better days to come. Never be afraid to ask for help whether it be family or health professionals it can be a lifeline for your mental health. Be kind to yourself and vent on here as often as you like 💐💐 xx

You are amazing HBB. You have so much to contend with already so just have a good old cry when you feel like it!

MY son is going through a similar scenario with pancreatic cancer and, like most men, doesn’t really show or talk about his feelings. I do his crying for him when I go to bed and nobody can hear me! I also message and receive replies regularly from a nurse at Pancreatic Cancer UK. She is an amazing support and I pass all her messages on to him which he appreciates. I find it easier to message rather than phone.

Sending positive thoughts. Xx

Sending you a hug. I think anything I might write with the deep wish to be helpful will be something you have already thought of. If I could help, I would with all my heart. One of those things you have already thought of i am sure is to do a small thing for someone else - it sounds a lot to suggest to someone with so much to face in your own life, but a friendly note to someone else (who probably has far less to face than you) will almost certainly lift their spirits and paradoxically lift your own spirits too. I hope this makes sense and that you can see it is offered in a spirit of love and respect for how you have managed your incredibly challenging journey till now..

I have many health problems but none as serious as yours. You are copy and managing and I take my hat off to you., you will soldier on as you have managed so far. The virus was an extra cannon ball that was one thing too many. As others have said, take things day by day and keep as occupied as you can manage. Well done fire getting the baking done.

I have a dreaded appointment coming up and cope by being in my garden, doing as much as I can and get pleasure from being out in the fresh air. Sending you all best wishes and hang on in there.

Coping !,

I have no practical advice but just wanted to add please be kind to yourself and deal with your horrible issues in your own way.

We are always here with lots of shoulders and thoughts X

This must be so worrying for you. Feeling depressed with all these diagnosis’s is very common. You are physically and emotionally going through a tough time. Right now you are trying to live the same life but your circumstances are different. Eat healthy, take supplements if necessary. Take an afternoon nap, mild exercise, like a short walk. Allow yourself to feel tired and sad but not all the time. Do nice things for yourself, a facial, get your hair done, a mani/pedi. Just be kinder to yourself, you’ve spent years looking after others, so now look after yourself.

Illness does mean a period of rest. It happens to many people at certain moments in their life. It’s frustrating and debilitating, but you will come through it and then you can accomplish all the things you are waiting to do. Families are there to comfort at times like this, the time will come when you can be on hand to return the compliment. Look after yourself now and enjoy the fact that you have a lovely family.

Yes, one foot in front of the other ❤️ but it's hard so be kind to yourself and don't expect too much. Big virtual HUG!