Husband’s pain

I had awful sciatica not long after my twins were born. Gp tried drugs but I couldn't doze myself up having 3 children to look after. DH's work meant he was away alot with an erratic schedule. Surgery was mentioned but would mean I'd be out of action for 3 months. The surgeon I saw suggested physiotherapist and very quietly wrote down the names of two
physios saying he'd recommend either as being very proficient at dealing with sciatica. Bith were quite a distance away but I chose one and he worked wonders. I'd come home exhausted even though I hadn't actually moved much, but he had manipulated my limbs and back so positively I felt worn out. 9 months treatment and worth every penny.

Thank you everyone for supportive and helpful replies. How would I find a support group online? Thanks again to all

Online support groups for sciatica provide forums to share experiences, coping strategies, and peer support for back pain and nerve injury. Key groups include The Brain Charity and Brain & Spine Foundation for specialized support, alongside various active Facebook groups Pain Concern and www.controlyourpain.co.uk also provide helpful resources for chronic pain sufferers.

I do sympathise with you as my husband was rendered disabled by failed spinal surgery back in 1991. Like you I've often been jealous of couples who can walk holding hands or arm in arm when my husband walks with a stick. However, I'm thankful that he no longer uses a rollator or, prior to that, a wheelchair. I hope your husband is seeking medical advice re: nerve blocks or pain management. As a carer, you need to look after yourself, too. Wishing you both well.

I understand what you are saying so well - the envy etc and then I am feeling so worn out and down since my husbands mnd progressed and miss doing things we used to do like any travel so much . We recently started having carers and although I am grateful for the help as cannot do all the hoisting and so on my self I struggle to accept this. If anyone else says you just have to accept where you are and so on I will scream . It’s not the doing stuff on one’s own we miss it’s the doing it together as planned at this stage in our life .

Poorer, it must be awful seeing your husband in pain and not being able to do anything bar sympathise and support him.
About looking at other couples and being envious of them, I have done that for the past 26 years after my husband died when I was 51. I feel really sad that he has missed so many events. He was a very hardworking man who never got to enjoy retirement and the travel we expected to have. The biggest thing was that he never saw his children get married or the grandchildren being born and growing up.
Yes I’m envious but also bitter although I try very hard not to be.

Pippa, you were a young widow, that's sad 😢.

It must have been very difficult coping alone, and lonely. You never considered a new relationship? If that happened to my mum I would have given her my blessing to start again because she is a very sociable person and it's difficult when you're surrounded by couples.

Mum is in her early 80s now, dad has been gone 10 years. Her friend is also a widow so they spend a lot of time together, days out, evenings out, coach holidays around Britain and Spain.

I hope that you're not lonely and you do enjoy your life. You'll be reunited with your husband some day. Take care 💐.

I have no idea if there is a cure for your OH's pain but I can put myself in your position and I totally understand why you feel the way you do. Life isn't fair, is it? I think it's absolutely normal to feel resentful when life throws something at us that is out of our control. If you can, I think you should try to find an outlet that gives you some pleasure. Perhaps something that takes you away from the "everyday" difficulties of caring for someone who is in constant pain. It might make you happier and it will make you a better carer too,don't let your caring role subsume you as a person. My thoughts are with you.

Thank you all
- so much appreciated- sending love to everyone - it’s helpful to share

Try Acupuncture it worked for me.
Many years ago. I had really bad Sciatica pain from the bottom of my lower back down my right leg.

At that tine my local Community Hospital were trialling Acupuncture to help with chronic pain

I took part in the trial and was given a course of either 4 or 6 six sessions . Can't remember which Delivered by an experienced Senior NHS physio.

After a few weeks the pain was still there. So l thought nothing had happened

But after 6 to 8 weeks. My Sciatica pain had almost disappeared. I couldn't believe it.

After thirty years.. l do have the odd twinge. Which l fix with stretching exercises.

Also Do not use any type of massage or a massage gun on Sciatica.

Capsaicin type, topical cream ointment may help with the pain. If you can find it. No longer available on the NHS. Fels quite burny.

Try Physio relax cream in the red tube off the Internet. Or in Spain if you are on holiday.

My heart goes out to you and your husband. Hope he can get some relief soon.

Best Wishes
🫰🙏👍😻
X

Thank you. He is sceptical of acupuncture but will read him your message x

How much is acupuncture in your neck of the woods it’s £50 a pop here which limits who can have it
I really believe acupuncture can help so many things it’s a shame it’s so expensive

You absolutely shouldn't beat yourself up having negative feelings about your new caring role and having to witness your husband's pain.
My OH, at 80 years of age, has had ill-health for the past two to three years. That in itself has been a shock because previously to say that he was a man of robust health was to understate the case.
Witnessing someone's pain and discomfort and being aware of their own pain and worry is actually incredibly stressful.
Of course we all have to keep our feelings to ourselves in front of the patient so as not to upset them . Fear is contagious so you have to keep that to yourself.
I second everyone who has advised to find some activity and hopefully a group of people outside the home that you enjoy. It will keep you sane and more balanced and the more "normal" you can manage to be , the better for your OH and the better for you. Also you can talk to others about the difficulties of caring and take a bit of pressure off. Others can be very kind listeners if you choose the right ones.
I am very sorry that your OH has Sciatica. Mine had a bout about 7 years ago and it's very painful. I hope that the medical profession finds a way to help you.💐💐

pooger24

Thank you. He is sceptical of acupuncture but will read him your message x

Tell DH, I didn't believe it either. I do now.

I was a total sceptic, converted to acupuncture after seeing the miraculous instant relief it gave to our needle-phobic arthritic dog (by vet).

So when I acquired sciatica and a NHS GP who does acupuncture I gave it a go. The effect was instant, total pain relief, like a tap being turned off. She later used it on my frozen shoulder, same effect.

pooger24
"Sometimes I dislike myself for feeling envious of other people who have able-bodied partners as life has become very limited."

Pooger, I am sorry for ypur emotional paun while watching his physical pain. I have been in similar shoes. Sciatica is downrigbt scary. I understand you envy and since you dislike your envy, that means everything is working correctly. We cant control all thing in our lives - tthe misfortunes do show up - but we can search for the good parts and chase away thoughts that are unhelpful.

I will go on unproven speculation here but I will guess this: You are a good and strong wife and that is something to be proud of. Sometumes we have to give 110% to our marriage. Others might be envious of the relationship you have. Just do your best and know that its right.