My daughter's BFF has anorexia

Although it is worrying for your daughter and also yourself I don't think you should say anything.

Your daughter should just be the same friend she has always been and be there to support her, and listen if she needs to be listened too.

In my experience interfering though well intentioned, rarely helps.

I think the best thing for your daughter to do is not mention her weight, but ask if there’s anything she can do to relieve the stress a little, see her more often, take her out for little treats, walks, coffee, a manicure together, or whatever. Little gestures to let her know she cares and is there to listen, without interfering.

Surely “best friends forever” are able to talk about anything and everything, including concerns about each other’s health? Sensitively handled of course.

Eating disorders are one thing. Overwork, stress and family bereavement with weight loss are quite another.

If the staff where she works haven’t said anything then you shouldn’t either, nor should her friend. I’m sure the HR / occupational health department/s are aware.

What’s your plan- air dropping some donuts and tins of peanut butter?
Seriously, it’s nobody’s business.

If she is usually slim, and eats regularly it is probably not AX but the stress and worry of long hours, very ill sister and recent family loss. Be a calm friend - chat, snack with if practical, be a good listener.

Yes she should if it's her friend. If she pussy foots around too much the penny might not drop, she should know how to judge this.
Your DD won't forgive herself if something bad happens.
However as she works in Health Care, I expect they will have noticed, they might not be so tactful.
Her manager in Heath care needs to talk to her, they also have access to directly refer her to Occupational health or counselling these doors are open to all staff especially if she works in a Hospital, it's Duty of Care.
Hopefully, it will be nothing just bereavement stress, but that needs helping too. Hope she will be fine.

If it’s a true close friend I would mention it in a very easy way if it was only a colleague or a not very close friend then I wouldn’t say anything

One of my granddaughters developed anorexia during Covid lockdown. My daughter got excellent help very quickly and the child recovered but we were told firmly not to mention the condition or food or weight.
This girl’s family will be aware of her condition. Leave it to them.

VenusDeVillendorf

Eating disorders are one thing. Overwork, stress and family bereavement with weight loss are quite another.

If the staff where she works haven’t said anything then you shouldn’t either, nor should her friend. I’m sure the HR / occupational health department/s are aware.

What’s your plan- air dropping some donuts and tins of peanut butter?
Seriously, it’s nobody’s business.

Anorexia can be very damaging and result in death
Not really a thing to joke about

Thanks for your replies and advice. She confided in daughter yesterday and said she was very overweight (which is true) and was trying to loose weight. Said she needs to put on a bit now, and was trying to eat more. But daughter spent all day and evening with her and all she had was water to drink, a milkshake and half a sandwich. So I think the problem is definitely there. She needs professional help, but that should be up to her OH and sons. Daughter won't mention it again unless she broaches the subject. She has excellent knowledge of balanced diet and nutrition, so knows she's underweight due to her professional medical training.

Anorexia is certainly not something to joke about it is an addiction it can start for one reason and can turn into an uncontrollable addiction that the person who is struggling really doesn’t want to have but find themselves unable to stop. If it were me I would have a heart to heart talk with my friend just to let her know that I’m concerned out of love for her and the changes that I’ve noticed. It’s one thing if this is a body image issue it’s another if it’s out of depression bereavement anxiety etc..

In my life as an addiction counselor I can let you know that as anorexia develops along with bulimia it’s one of the most difficult diseases to conquer but again I never think that it’s wrong to share with someone you care about that you were concerned. Simple words without making a diagnosis yourself which will open the door out of compassion for the friend to perhaps open up and talk about what’s bothering her.

I feel for your daughter my friend developed anorexia in our mid teens took years to get her back to a healthy weight. I hope her friend gets the help she needs soon

I do not agree that you or your daughter should say and do nothing.

It is the role of a friend to express concern both when their friend is overworking and when a person suddenly looses weight. This may well be causes by the bereavment this person has recently suffered, but if it is caused by some or other illness the sooner that is diagnosed and treated the better.

So I think your daughter should tell her friend she is concerned without suggesting what she thinks might be wrong, but if possible encouraging her friend to see her doctor.

'Eating disorders 'have a wonderful website and support group, which I am sure she is aware of, but others (her friends and family) may want to read up on it, so much good advice on there.

There are also very unhelpful groups on the internet, encouraging people with anorexia to keep in control, lose more weight and combatting any strategies that doctors & friends are using to protect their health.

Bump