Depression because of a problem that cannot be solved

So sorry, allsorts

I thought I had posted and cannot see it.

Addressing depression doesnt and shouldn't be tied to solving the reason why

Some events are out of our control and cannot be fixed

As for your daughter not being there for you in your old age, it is a very generic statement.
What does it mean for her " be there for you"?
It is very different to become a full time carer compared to calling you and visiting you regularly -both well in the definition of "be there for you"

Here is the book I talked about earlier.

Stop thinking, Start Living.
Richard Carlson.

I’m hesitant to paraphrase him. However his basic premise is that it is our thoughts that generate much of our long term unhappiness. He gives (if I remember) the example of sitting in front of the television really enjoying a programme and then the thought of what has caused your unhappiness or anxiety comes into your mind and immediately you feel that unhappiness again.
And yet nothing has changed from a few seconds before when you were content, except what is in your mind.

His second main point is that every day thousands of thoughts come into our mind and we dismiss them in a second, to the extent that we can then say, “what was I thinking about?”

The book is basically about how to apply this ability to dismiss thoughts to those that trouble you or cause you grief.

Not everyone can apply a book to their problem but it did help me. Knowing I would never have grandchildren was an ever present grief to me but I have turned that around and I can honestly say it’s now just an occasional wish rather than a big thing in my life.

I think a good counsellor could help you achieve this allsorts.
And I’d once again say think about hypnotherapy. Take all the help you can get. Some things are too big to manage on our own.

Wow! I could have written that. I was prescribed antidepressants which did dull my feelings but the situation is still the same. I do the same as the op but absence of joy is a good phrase to use. I’m sorry I have no answers. I did have some counselling and was advised to get outside interests but I do that anyway

Hi allsorts very much the same as yourself re problems within the family. You might remember my story from another thread.

Myself and my daughter had counselling to help us cope with and deal with our lose.

As Elizabethsays you can’t change the problem but you can change the way you look at it and deal with it. I was very sceptical at first but I did persevere and I’m glad I did.

It might be worth a try.

I did go privately for the help but your GP should be able to help you.

What ever you decide to do I wish you well.

If you don’t mind I will say The serenity prayer for you I do that daily for myself and others anyway.

Some good points made thank you. Deepgreen, you sum it up really, Elizabeth what you say is true but my mind won't accept it. I cannot make my family want me, I can't make my estranged daughter ever see me, She told me years ago when I baby sat my adored gc she would not be there for me in old age as it was her life and she had seen me look after my parents. I brushed it off I was so involved working full time and looking after family. The trouble is I love and can't switch that off, or accept it, which knowing the reality is stupid, it hurts my heart. It's not irrational to feel as I do but it is destructive as I can't alter the situation, I just loved my family, looked after them all, I thought all family felt as I do. I have to put all my past in a kind of box and forget, switch off feelings I have. I am a logical person, know meducatation can't help, money or anything, so I'm stuck as I am, but thank you all for your kind replies.

If you cannot change the situation then you can only change your attitude towards it, so hypnotherapy or cognitive behaviour therapy to change your way of thinking will be best for you.

I hope you find something that works.

Allsorts I know exactly how you feel, funny how so many of us deal with this and keep quiet. Ask your doctor to refer you for therapy and then ask the therapist is you can try EDMR. I had it years ago when I had PTSD, it makes your brain sort of file things, it really worked for me and I was a right mess and amazingly it only took 3 sessions. Good luck ?

Probably all in the mind deep green. As long as it works and it’s better than the brandy bottle?

There’s a really good book about getting on top of your thinking. It’s on my Kindle somewhere. I’ll see if I can find it.

Bit away from the OPs problem now though. Don’t want to hijack her thread.

Wow! Thank you Lathyrus, I’m so pleased it worked for you. Very interesting.
They must have been a really good practitioner

Thank you for this post. It highlights the gulf between two types of joy- absence:
a) Some irrational inexplicable misery despite having nothing to worry about, which therefore must be a mental disorder needing treatment
b) Some inevitable non-enjoyment of an unalterable external situation.

Normal human lives will contain grief and problems, but during our current lifetimes, in the affluent West, this can be 'pathologised' and 'medicalised' for profit.

There's no need for O.P. to explain the unalterable external situation. There will be millions of people with their own versions. It seems worryingly easy to hand all of them a label of mental illness, and a bottle of pills, or even send them to talk to someone for a few sessions of 'mental illness talking therapy'.

It isn't mentally ill, to have a normal response to a situation.

However, the placebo effect is brilliant, as others say, you don't even need to believe in Reiki or something else: Whatever works, works. It probably is partly at least the Attention.

Lately, experiments have shown that results from some prescription drugs are no different than from bottles of pills plainly marked 'Placebo', and with the participants clearly informed there is no active ingredient.

(Chronic pain and even need for surgery can be 'cured', which is probably the explanation for homeopathy and other 'alternative' methods. They must all be far preferable to drugs, because they don't have side effects. )

Logically !

I suppose because it worked for me!?

I’ve only been twice, once many years ago. But more recently when I was feeling very “what is the point. I’m done.” Truthfully. As if I’d done all the important things in life and there really was no point in me being around any longer.

I actually lay there fully with it, thinking well this isn’t working. My eyes don’t feel heavy, I’m not relaxed, I thinking about a hundred other things rather than your nice words about how I’m going to feel life is good and I have a purpose, blah, blah blah…..

Then the next day I woke up feeling so much better and with some real enjoyment of life. It didn’t cure it all with a bang. But it definitely improved things. And she gave me a little mantra that seems to work too.

Le16 hi ally I don’t believe in it, like I don’t believe in Reiki. Except that it seems to work.

Lathyrus can you explain why you think that hypnotherapy is a good idea please?
I don’t know much about it, but instinctively feel uneasy about it, beyond it treating addictions.
I like to be in control of my mind.

It’s hard to know what to say without knowing what the thing is that you can’t let go. We all have different ways of dealing with the things that can never be right.

There are ways of not letting them dominate your life though. Can you find a really good counsellor who will help you discover them?

Like Juliet27 I’d recommend hypnotherapy too.

I take antidepressants for anxiety.
I have Generalised Anxiety Disorder, and I do think that help , especially as far a getting that overwhelmed feeling.
They help me to keep things in perspective

Due to estrangement not of my choosing I to feel like you Allsorts, so I empathise with you.
I have done various talking therapies, I do not need antidepressants as I'm not depressed just immensely sad at the situation im in.
Most of the time I get on with life but occasionally the sadness is overwhelming, but its emotion and does pass, its like grief you have to learn to live around it.
Look after yourself, it can be very draining.

Allsorts I'm sorry you're feeling so low.
Have you had any counselling? Your GP can help with this or you can self-refer. Two people I know have found it very helpful.

Hello Allsorts, I’m sorry to hear that you are feeling so down.
Have you had any type of talking therapy?
I’m sure that it would be useful for you. It does sound as if you need to talk about this issue which seems to be overwhelming you.
I have a therapist / counsellor, she specialises in Compassion Based Therapy.
You mentioned antidepressants, have you any experience of them?

Is it something that hypnotherapy could ease?