Just had bad news

I am so sorry to hear your so sad news Craftycat and the way it was told.
But take heart because things are advancing so much in the treatment of cancer and with treatment your DIL could still be here for many years yet. It is more likely to appear in one area and that can be cured or held back by treatment. And so it goes on. I had breast cancer and was clear for 23 years until I was diagnosed with metatastic breast cancer with metastases on my spine last year. It cant be cured but can be treated as can your DIL's. Please read about it on the Macmillan or cancer care pages. I am sure it will help you a lot. I know what a shock it must have been for you and your family but you will find there is a lot of positive information available online. Big hugs to you.

You will feel life has really knocked you for six. Awful to be living with the threat of spread. You say it may be over years, could you possibly in some small way be able to hope that with the research and treatments that are ongoing there may be some treatment available to help. Yes, I do understand about the writing down. Lost my DD in April and I occasionally vent my feeling by writing.

I really feel for what you are going through. It's very sad but not uncommon. My girlfriend died of cancer when her daughter was two. It was traumatic for all of us. Just be there for her. Listen if she wants to talk or sit with her in silence if she doesn't. If it turns to.custard at least she has you there to love the kids.maybe she can write then letters to mark milestones or record videos. Try and create happy memories and photos of mummy and the kids doing happy things. They will be better things for them to look at if she doesn't make it.

Craftycat I am so terribly sad and sorry to read of you and your family’s bad news. Heartfelt best wishes to you all. ?

Heartfelt empathy Craftycat. From someone who has been in your shoes and whose DIL lost the battle, the future will feel very uncertain. I have never felt so helpless, but have since learned that "just being there" was supportive, and you will find little ways of helping as you take it in turns to "lose it". Let her know she is loved and appreciated (without making it a big thing or it's just because of the health issue). When the final diagnosis was made and time was limited we tried to make it as happy and memorable as possible, this was good for our future without her as well as that present with and for her. We talk of her often, with love and laughter - and private tears.

I am so very sorry to hear your news. I can understand your need to weep long and deep. Thank goodness your daughter-in-law knows she can depend on your help and support; you sound like a lovely, close-knit family. You will find reserves of strength you never knew you had and, once you all adjust to the news, life will still be rich and wonderful with plenty of new memories to be made. Children too, never fail to amaze me in their resilience, and your presence will help them tremendously. I wonder, would it be an idea to get a second opinion on the prognosis, even if it only confirms the same? I am sure your daughter is receiving all the help and medication available, and, as has been said on here already, advances in cancer treatment are progressing all the time so that more people are living with cancer for much longer. (I have been treated for cancer myself (breast); the thought of return is so frightening.) I hope your DIL is satisfied with her treatment so far, but she has the right to choose another hospital should she feel it necessary. I only mention this as I know this can happen sometimes and not everyone is aware of options. You are in my thoughts and prayers. xxx

I am very sorry.

So sorry to hear your news, but as others have said, there is progress being made all the time with new treatments. Very best wishes to you all

i would ask for a 2nd opinion.i have had cervical cancer 4 and i had mine lasered out at least 10 years ago. i was told the same thing ,but nothing happened .ok i know i got a cyst on my ovaries ,but after a scan thay said it was tiny. so i let things roll. and today there is still a cyst.my mum died of ovarian cancer ,so maybe i hold the cancerous gene.been tested for ovarian cancer and i am clear. so i would go back for a 2nd opinion if its true contact macmillan ,they really good with advice etc..enjoy your life now .make memory boxes..just be there to help with little things that would mean a lot to them ,and above all PRAY...////

Not quite the same, but my son has terminal cancer, he received his diagnosis in 2015 when they discovered he had cancer of the Oesophagus, which had moved to his lungs, and liver. He had surgery several times, chemo and radio, but to delay the inevitable. 2 years ago, they found a new primary tumour in his prostate which had moved into his bones.

He now has palliative care, he should be taking things easy, being the sick young man (33), but despite a variety of tubes he just carries on.

When he was First diagnosed I went into panic mode, but as time has gone by, he has had various complications, a few weeks in ICU with infections etc., but he is still living as a normal young man, working, getting drunk (apparently using a syringe rushes the effect and it's cheaper), & planning his wedding, somehow we have stopped being desperate, his inevitable death doesn't mean anything.

I can't describe the love I feel or the fear for the future , but the feeling is no longer desperate or imminent. Life is going on, and will keep going on until he changes.

The news that you have had is horrible, but love will go on, if you want to support your son and his family, try not to be worried, everyone is different, your daughter in law could continue with an active life for years, what they need is consistency, just be there for them.

SallyB392

Just read your post, my heart goes out to you, you all sound brave and stoical, and supporting each other.