The Black Dog Gang

Annie you have probably already thought of this but, just in case you haven't, do you have a local taxi service or one of those volunteer groups which provides transport for the elderly to hospitals etc? If you do, could you call one of them and establish a relationship, explaining what your issues are? If you could do this then maybe, eventually, one of them could drive you over the bridge with a blindfold on? Maybe even just take you for a drive wearing a blindfold and not tell you when you were going over the bridge? This is the only thing I can think of which might help you take that first baby step.

Not sure whether to post this or not as I am pretty sure some of you will not be happy with what I am about to say. This is about me, not any of you, my journey only.

About 12 years ago I became seriously ill and was hospitalised. I was told then, and since, that my depression was 'chemical' and that I would be on meds for the rest of my life. More recently I had some counselling sessions where the counsellor told me that she didn't think I was mentally ill, that I had reacted to really bad things in my life, including the death of my son last year. The Coroner could find no cause of death which in some ways makes it harder to cope with.

My meds were changed about 18 months ago because the ones I was on were not such a good idea for older people. The new ones had a known side effect of making the patient crave carbs which they did. I also have another condition which causes weight gain so had a double whammy. Having lots of clothes I couldn't get into hasn't done a lot for my self esteem!

As life looks pretty stable for the immediate future I decided to ask the doc if I could reduce the meds. I looked online for what to expect and it sounded pretty horrifying but I went ahead anyway. The first week was pretty awful but it improved so I then decided to halve the pills which meant I was on a lower dose than could be prescribed. I have now stopped completely. It has only been a couple of weeks so too short a time to judge but already I find I don't need to eat so much and, the main point, I don't feel worse than I already did.

I don't know if this will last and am not suggesting that anyone else try it but it looks like it is working for me. I think I had reached a stage where the grief for my son had overtaken everything and made me refocus on the here and now.

DH had a gastrointestinal bleed, probably caused by his meds, and has found that he can function without a lot of them. I am of the opinion that whatever we take for one condition may cause a problem elsewhere which we are unaware of so, from a personal point of view, I don't want to take anything I don't have to.

It is very easy for GPs to keep handing out the prescriptions and probably most patients need to keep taking them but, if we don't try, how do we know if we really need them?

Please don't copy me unless you are sure you really are ready to try going without. It has not been as bad as I expected but it now seems that I may be able to manage without them.

Nonnie I hope this recovery continues x

When it comes to medication it is not a case of one size fits all, it has it’s place though and can help through dark times .

Of course its great that you feel better Nonnie. I suppose every medication may have side effects but one of the side effects of depression is feeling terrible 24/7.

I think antidepressants take weeks /months to build up in the body and therefore may take the same amount of time to leave? I don't know. I have no medical knowledge.

Anyhow, Good Luck in this new phase.

Thanks both. I got beyond "feeling terrible 24/7" I got so I couldn't feel anything at all, beyond crying, beyond caring about anything, just not able to cope with living at all. I know it is impossible to judge how bad anyone else is but please believe I was very seriously ill, so much so that DH thought I was beyond help. If I hadn't had the meds I probably wouldn't be here now but I did and they made a difference, now I have to find out how I am without them. If I don't try I will never know and, as a really positive thinker, I must find out.

batty, I did ring local MIND, the Community Wellbeing Manager came to see me today. He apologised for the distress someone had caused me and is arranging for me to see a counsellor and a physiotherapist about my badly swollen knee .

Thank you x

You all know from my previous posts how I hate depression and am determined to do what I can to get the better of it- have signed up to the GLAD study, a study by dr’s at Kings to try to see if there is an hereditary link to depression. Sent off my saliva DNA sample today, as a well known supermarket says ‘ every little helps! ‘ All the best to all you other black dog gals!

A couple of things aggravate my black dog, one when I feel less than good physical health wise. The recent bronchitis & chest infection have left me feeling physically weak and tired, which in turn make me feel low mentally.

The other, as I'm sure many experience, is the changing of the seasons/clocks darkness.

I know that some love the "cosyness" of the darker nights.

Loathe it when the clocks go back- really struggled with a feeling of not far short of absolute panic since the weekend.

Nanna58 It's a real bugger, isn't it? I feel that not that many people really understand how much it can have an effect.

I feel it closing in, the darkness.

I feel a bit like this myself today and not sure why.
I have been out this morning and have things planned for the weekend, and it is a beautiful day.
When i got home i just curled up on the bed and wanted to sleep.
But i made myself get up and do something, but it is hanging over me , hoping it will pass soon.

old batty...some antidepressants leave the system in a shorter time. Citalopram )which I was on) is 14 days.

I felt terrible yesterday - no energy, no motivation to do anything. I didn't even get dresses until 2.30pm! Lazy cow, I know. I didn't want to talk or do anything. My long-suffering husband is so good. I cried and was miserable, but I'd promised my friend I'd pick her up and go to Zumba....and once there, I felt a lot better. Today, I feel different again. Happy, sociable, I went to work and was fine. Strange how one day I'm fine, another day I'm not. It's frustrating, isn't it?

Please GNHQ can we avoid offering advice on stopping/starting medication. Thanks. This is a medical matter to be discussed with a doctor.

Lynn, well done on going out?

Sorry batty, but stopping talk of starting / stopping medication would also cause a stop of any mention of medication .

You are right Annie, I knew I didn't express myself well there.

I just feel uneasy at some folk ( not on this thread ) advising " doing without because they are addictive".

Thanks, oldbatty.....sometimes forcing myself to do something (particularly when other people are depending on me being there or doing something with them) helps. It's good to have a purpose, I suppose.

Any fellow SAD's out there? Not doing so well today.

Don't know if I suffer from SAD but the Black Dog does start snapping at my heels at this time of year. I hope your day gets a bit better oldbatty

Many use a light box batty, if you do then not in the evening. Getting out into natural day light every day and sitting near a window, these are recommended by the SAD Association.

Thanks Annie. I have a light box which sits on the floor unplugged.

That's a novel way of using it, batty.

Yes, Miss A it is a foot rest.

You funny woman! That really made me laugh.