A&E and mental health

Imp. So sorry to hear this, you and your son must both be totally exhausted. Hope he gets a bed soon and the help he needs. Its been such a struggle.
Wishing you well for today. Keep on keeping on, if you can...and you can.

Thank you Silverlining We do what we have to don't we... and your username might be prophetic today. The psychiatrist here is the first person we feel has 'got it's for my son in recent months. Just praying this is at last the start of correct treatment xx

I've been following your trials and tribulations with your son. I really don't mean to be impertinent but is there any possibility that your obvious high stress levels and lack of sleep is transmitting itself to your son and exacerbating his negative mental state? Is there any chance of another family member relieving you this weekend and allowing you a break?
Apart from that the old helpers are a good walk in the country and some good nutritious food. Chocolate is a natural SSRI !

Jane10 thank you for your concern. I am only human and of course that is a worry. But this is my 'safe' space to vent. I work hard not to transmit it to my son. But l am worn and frustrated to be so wrung out.He is doing so well today, l think he has been truly amazing and l. very proud of his strength.
za

Goodness, imperfect, what a long, uncomfortable and worrying night for you both. Our mental health services are sadly often chaotic which of course just doesn't help anyone seeking stability. You have both shown such strength and determination, sleepless nights really don't help anyone. I'm hoping this morning has brought appropriate support and the psychiatrist can intervene so you can step back a tiny bit, even if only for a little while. Love to you both.

I would be concerned at pinning your hopes on just seeing a psychiatrist. It sounds like your DSs current state is an exacerbation of a lifelong condition. DBT is time consuming and there are long waits. There are no meds for personality disorder just short term anxiety reduction/sedatives which may bring problems of their own.
Bottom line, I think you'll need to accept that you're going to be supporting him long term and work out what you need to do for yourself to develop the necessary coping strategies.

I know virtual {hugs} are sometimes given lightly and may not be much help but I really do want you to know I am thinking of you and send what comfort and support I can.
How you are keeping going is a wonder but hang on in there, there must be light at the end of the tunnel.
or a strong cup of whichever works best at 9 in the morning. xx

Wishing you strength imperfect
He is lucky to have you in his corner, I hope he very soon gets what he needs.

Oh dear; how very worrying for you to have a son so unwell - as you say, the staff are kind but are tied by lack of resources. It really is no good at all.

My nephew was in a crazy state, shouting, threatening the family with knives, smashing the furniture etc., and a call to the Crisis Team resulted in them saying that they could not attend as he was "not on their books" - unbelievable.

Something needs to happen with the mental heath services, or poor souls like your son with severe depression are left out in the cold - and such a worry for you - I have seen in this situation with a DD.

I so hope that help is forthcoming for him - the strain on you must be enormous.

Luckygirl if your nephew does this again it's a matter for the police. They would be able to take him to the appropriate place where he could be assessed. They have the skills to disarm him and physically get him out of the house in a way that an 'outreach' team with no prior knowledge of him would not be. Sometimes people are so out of control that a couple of nurses just couldn't talk him down.

Thinking of you, imperfect.
Lets hope there is light at the end of the tunnel now, and your son gets some help.
Stay strong, as of course I know you will x x

So sorry Imp27. I do hope he quickly gets the help and support he needs. It's so difficult to bear when you have to stand by powerlessly whilst your loved one is suffering and can't access treatment. My brother was diagnosed with a mental illness when he was at Uni and has needed life long support from my parents. To be positive although there were upsetting crises when he was young, and he has never worked, these days he is stable on meds, has his own place and manages his life ok, and has a long term, non live in partner. I hope it works out for your DS

Jane10 this is indeed just another step on a 15 year journey to date. He manages well at times, sometimes not and has needed medical interventions in bursts over many years. We know what his problems are and the ins and outs of how the systems (don't) work and we are well versed in supporting him. When l post here l tell the story as it is because l want people to know how dire the situation in MH support has become. We are still in A&E, now 15 + hours on. They still cannot get an acute bed. He has been very volatile / aggitated and they know he is not safe... We will be there for him whatever. Worst case scenario he will be sent away on much stronger meds with crisis team in place. Just woeful. I am not listing in 'high distress', rather sadness and managed anger, but it needs highlighting. We will be giving feedback later.

Lazigirl that is just what l needed to hear. Thank you. Yes, we feel the meds balance is still not there and DS needs to find 'the right job' as he clearly cannot do anything and everything. But we work to help him to be as independent as can be. You have given me heart today, thank you. ?

Thanks all for your very kind messages ...it does make a difference xx

Lazigirl I was so pleased to read your post. My DD has long-standing MH problems and has just embarked on an MA - but I fear she will drop out, or return to live at home as she seems unable to cope with living anywhere by herself when she doesn't kow anyone. My great hope for her is that one day she will overcome this. She is having recently-started regular therapy sessions which I hope will help (not least because they are so expensive).

Oh Imp I've only just seen this and my heart goes out to you. I hope and pray that your son gets the help that is so obviously needed. Do, please, keep coming on here and telling us how it is - GN, as a safe place to just say what's going on, was a lifeline for me many times in the past.

Hope your son has been given an acute bed by now and hope you get a good nights sleep tonight. Hugs

Hi all - update.

DS was eventually transferred to his home health trust and given an acute bed. The process took a full 24 hours. I gather it can sometimes take longer and in the circumstances, he is 'lucky.'
During his time in A&E, my DS was left to his own devices / our care for the first 14 hours, other than an initial triage and then psych assessment. He had arrived highly agitated and there came a point where, much as he had tried to manage, he could not cope any longer - we had highlighted that he was getting desperate many times and were promised medical attention that still did not come for 4 hours after that so a very hard first 18 hours including a sleepless night. It was a painful wait with no updates and he eventually 'lost it' and needed to be pacified and calming meds eventually given.

We had the chief CEO and senior nursing staff sister come to visit and apologise after that and then heard, quite quickly that a bed had been found. Apparently the CEO of Medway services and the CEO of Oxleas services had been battling over a bed in Oxleas - his home service- all afternoon. Well, not a bed - a person in need of course.

He had to go to an Oxleas hospital service for admission and then final transfer. By this stage, utterly exhausted, I had gone home. Distressing to then get further texts from him to say that he needed calming meds and they couldn't get a dr for him. This, past 10 last night. So very sad. I didn't get it until this morning as I slept so deeply - probably a good thing. By the time I did, they must have sorted him out ...

Today I am having a 'day off' as far as I am able apart from a phone call to check hoe he is doing. Restful morning here, seeing DD1 and GS this afternoon - good therapy. I shall visit my son tomorrow.

Overall, I have to be relieved that he is now in the best place for him at present. When I am better I will address the woeful gaps in his care yesterday, but not so as to 'blame' , rather to try to give some constructive feedback as it was not right that he was ignored for so long at A&E, wasn't given further medical checks and wasn't kept informed of what was happening. But for now, a bit of respite and recovery.

Thnak you again for all your kind messages xx

Thank you for the update imperfect, it must be such a relief to know your son should be, finally, receiving appropriate care. Enjoy your 'day off', as you say good therapy. Yes, do offer some feedback on the experience in A&E as it just may help another person in need.

Yes, it was a relief. Very hard, but we took him to the 'right' A&E, following 999 advice. Frightening to think that , with a choice of 2 other A&E services nearer to hand, we could have gone to the 'wrong' one, where appropriate help would have taken even longer to come by. So I have learned that if you need an A&E service it is worthwhile checking the particulars as some of them have things you need on site and some of them have to get service providers to visit where you have gone to.

And every single professional that helped us yesterday said 'the system is broken' ...

Oh you have been through the mill and I hope today's respite can help to start to restore your equanimity and energy levels.
I so agree about not necessarily seeking to "blame" but to amend and improve a service which failed your son when he needed it and the hope that for now at least, he is in the right hands and on the right track.
When people bleat "lessons will be learned" I fervently wish they meant it but sadly the level of learning is too often like my piano lessons as a child. Easily forgotten.

I've only just caught up with this thread, imp. I am sorry that you had such a distressing time and glad things seem to be settling down a little.

Glad you are having a 'day off' except it's fairly difficult to switch off the worry, isn't it?

As ga said, use gn for support if it helps.

Good morning Imperfect, what a relief that your son has a bed. A close friend recently waited 10 hours in AandE with his 24 year old son. This despite the fact they had a bed arranged via his treating psychiatrist on the ward at the hospital. They went through triage as is the system and were told arrangements would be made to transfer him over to the ward asap. This was a Friday night, you can imagine the number of people under the influence of drugs and alcohol - something our friends son was desperate to avoid. He was psychotic, very distressed and at significant risk harming himself or someone else. My friend wasn't critical of individual staff members but bewildered that the plan in existence somehow got lost. He asked several times if he couldn't just walk his increasingly agitated son over to the ward but was told procedure had to be followed.
I do hope your son gets some effective follow up. I'm aware , as you are, of the difficulties with treatment for personality disorders and the huge pressure on loved ones and relative carers. PD's often come with significant mental health problems. I hope you have a more restful day x