Malnutrition

DD I was referring to the alcohol abuse and wanting to do something about it - not depression which I thought was a chemical imbalance. Either way it is a sad situation and I have sympathy with both of them.

Oh I'm so sorry, it must be so hard for you with moving as well and it sounds as if you've very little support. Could you contact her GP and ask for some help like community nurses to visit or a social worker? Could they suggest a local group? I know it's hard to help people if they choose not to accept it but that doesn't help you.

How about some full fat porridge with fruit? Fruit smoothies are good if somebody can't eat as it keeps up their nutrients. There's lots of recipes online. I really hope things improve.

You have my sympathy too, Annie. Having had alcoholics in our family.
Not much to add to what others have written except that alcohol abuse eventually destroys the stomach lining so she can probably only face and digest bland foods.
It might seem strange, but over-ripe bananas are easy to digest.
Mash up, maybe microwave briefly, eat with a spoon.
Prayers for you both.

She takes anti depressants but as alcohol is a depressant she isn't benefitting from the medication. She has seen the mental health team. With so many now suffering from mental health illnesses she is dismissed as self inflicting her problems , true , but she cannot forgive herself for leaving her husband and children . Yes she lives alone so no structure to her day , she is in such a dark place mentally . I have explained to her many times it is the alcohol which is cutting her off from the world , she has tried in the past, a year ago I finally got her into a rehab centre , I hounded everyone from the GP to the Welsh Assembly for funding. She did well for eight weeks but then came the time to explore the true reasons for drinking, she couldn't cope with group therapy or with her guilt so discharged herself, I was so angry , it took several years to get her there. She then would only contact me by text or telephone, I feel guilt for being angry with her but the whole extended family were supporting her , she is the favourite niece and cousin. If only she could let go of her guilt

Agree with daphnedill too.
Hence my post of 10.53am

I agree with Jalima. If she's still depressed, she should be being treated. It's all very well sayingthat she needs to want to treat herself, but I know from bitter experience that a genuinely depressed person can't do anything. It's a horrible feeling, because you want to do something but just can't - I don't really know how to describe it. You need somebody to coax you firmly - somebody who's pretty thick skinned, because you'll hate them for it.

If she hasn't been prescribed anti-depressants, she could very well benefit, although they take a bit of time to work.

I think she needs more help than she is getting at present. Can she see another GP than the one who set her on this path?

Little and often of high calorie food together with those Ensure drinks (if she can tolerate them, they aren't the nicest).
I am trying to remember what MIL had - went into hospital at about 11 stone and lost so much weight she was sent for convalescence to build up her strength, I think it was the Ensure.
Unfortunately there are no convalescent homes nowadays.
Bengers Food was one which my DM used to enjoy too when she couldn't eat but I'm not sure if it is available now.
Adding milk to soups adds extra calories.

Can she get prescriptions for the nutritional drinks etc as they could cost quite a lot.

Best wishes to you both and her family

Does she drink fizzy drinks? I know they're truly evil, but they're good for putting on weight/maintaining weight.

When I was pregnant (both times) I was losing weight and the consultant said I wasn't getting enough sugar. I had cravings for full sugar Coca Cola, but had resisted. The doc said my body knew what it wanted. It was all a bit complicated, because I'm diabetic, but it did the trick and I stopped losing weight.

PS. Does she like bananas? They're full of carbs, especially mashed up with sugar and milk and quite scrummy.

I hope she's getting some support from the community psychiatric service. If not, could she be persuaded to accept it? The only other thing I can suggest is trying to keep her busy, even if she upsets you.

PPS. My father was and one of my sisters is an alchoholic. It breaks my heart not to be able to do anything.

The whole thing of being an alcoholic is awful - for the family as well as those afflicted. Is she living alone or does she have help etc - days are very long on your own.
My first OH became an alcoholic and it does so much damage - but one of the things I found was that you have to get used to the fact that the person concerned will not sbe cured unless the motivation comes from within themselves. That was the hardest lesson I had and for years I looked for other things being the cause or remedy.
Is she being given ant-abuse or similar - with that you have to watch them take it although that in itself can become a bone of contention.
Does she like things like jelly? If she will eat it made with milk it will be more nutritious too. Good luck with all of this - it is bad enough with a husband but must be absolutely awful seeing a child like it.

I'm so sorry to hear about your daughter, Anniebach. It must be utterly heartbreaking.

As others say, hospital-prescribed liquid foods would be a start and I'd hope they will provide you with some guidance. There's also Complan and the like, available from chemists and shops. I'd go carb and fats heavy, so full-fat everything, milk, butter, cheese. Custards and milk puddings are easy to make (if you have a slow cooker, it makes a wonderful rice pudding). Lots of potatoes, bread, biscuits and cakes, too. She might need to eat little and often to begin with, if she is unused to eating full meals - a bit like weaning a baby from a milk diet to solid foods.

My best wishes to you both.

How far away from you does your daughter live, Annie? Is it going to be difficult to visit often, or could you have her staying at yours for a bit? (although I realise the house isn't shipshape yet!).

What about her children, can they help out?

Such helpful suggestions and kind words , thank you all, I felt so helpless , she knows how much I love her

Thinking of you Annie and your daughter. It is no one's fault. These things happen. You can help by loving her and helping with the practicalities of life. As you know there is no quick fix. You will have this problem with you for a long time so try and remember it's a run and not a sprint. Take care of yourself too and try and take setbacks in your stride. Love and prayersxx

My heart goes out to you Annie. I really hope you can get the support you need in order to help your daughter.
When my brother was very ill and needed building up, we got prescriptions for the high calorie drinks (this was about 5 years ago). I'm not sure if doctors still do that now. I also looked up recipes on cancer support websites and also did some general Internet research.
I adapted some recipes to include high calorie ingredients too, such as butter and cream.
Wishing you and your daughter all the best. ?

Annie I noticed that your daughter eats ice lollies. How about making some with evaporated milk. At least that way she will be getting some full fat.

Annie,
A lot of the build up type drinks can be used in recipes, etc
My daughter uses a vanilla flavoured one to make a morning coffee.
Wishing you and your daughter every good wish.

Fortisip do a range of shakes, juices, yoghurts which are designed for those who for various reasons are not eating. I do hope things improve for your daughter and your family.

So sorry to hear this Annie. I have no advice, except when my late husband didn't want to eat I found he would eat a smoothie made with fruit and ice cream.

Another thought, although your daughter is very weak do encourage her to move as much as she can. Even just standing up and sitting down again or taking a couple of steps, with help if needed, will help her muscles not to deteriorate.

Thank you all. She eats ice lollies,! will get more liquid food substitutes tomorrow and if she can tell me what she may like to eat I will get it

Anya, I still cannot believe I was so stupid, I even paid for taxi to take my grandchildren to school because my daughter had hurt her back! She was never able to tell lies so I believed her . I need to calm down, I am even angry with her father for dying when she was so small.

Al-Anon is just for the alcoholic's family and friends, Ankers.

Are you near enough to visit often Anniebach?
Showing how much you love your daughter, and helping her to feel that she will be all right, could go a long way to assist recovery.

As others said, her GP can prescribe liquid food if she needs it. It can be bought at pharmacies too.

Her district nursing team should may be able to help with nutritional supplements and will liaise with the GP. There should be a phone number where you can get in touch with them for advice.

Would she consider Al-Anon?
With your religious background, she might more likely consider it[not sure how religious Al-Anon is].
Could you go along with her to the meeting?

It's a horrible illness and no one chooses it, it just creeps up on the vulnerable and susceptible. Families don't notice until it's gone too far. They mustn't blame themselves.

Some do overcome it, so hold onto that hope Annie