cancer

I am more of a worrier now than I used to be; I used to think that nothing would happen apart from the normal infections/niggles/joint pains and I would live until I was 90 then keel over with a glass of wine in my hand. Then when things did happen it was a shock and I worry more now.

I don't know which is worse really, glass half full or half empty.

I do worry about everyone else though.

rose what a lovely way to go at 90 with a glass of wine in your hand. lol that thought has cheered me a little, thank you.
Think I will get pissed and sod everything.
mind as I don't drink it wont take much and I just fall asleep so it wont be much fun. I cant even enjoy being drunk

Ethel - you are in a bad place just now, and it does seem that this is an extension of a bad place that has been hard for you for a long time - anxiety is a painful experience and can take over your life.

When my friend was diagnosed with ovarian cancer she went into a similar state to yours at present -so she went to her GP, told him how things were for her, and he gave her something to relieve the anxiety. It eased her passage through her treatment tremendously.

I know that you are a very private person and do not like to appear weak - but this is not weakness; it is being human. You may find it easier to accept the help of a drug treatment to calm your state in preference to talking to people.

I would be the same as you, unable to get the diagnosis out of my mind. But I would be happy to have help from anyone who is able to offer it - this is not your style, and you have to have help that suits you - but you do need help.

I know that you have concerns about MacMillan nurses, but I have several friends who have been where you are and the MacMillan nurses have been a real rock for them over many years - and all these friends are very much still alive!

You have some real challenges ahead of you - we all recognise that and no-one can take that away for you. But we can be here ready to listen, without judging, and without the need for you to meet us face to face. I hope very much that this online support will help you. It is however no substitute for getting along to the doctor and asking for a bit of a prop to see you through the next few weeks.

I am currently suffering from a serious depression which has hit me out of the blue and made me feel totally pathetic and weak; so I do have a bit of an idea where you are coming from emotionally. It is a hard place to be I know but we are all here for you.

mishap, I thought that It was just my nature, I have always been a worrier, I always choose the safe answer if I have a problem, this goes back to my overbearing mothers influence. For instance as a teenager she would say not to go out on a rainy night as there was no sense getting wet so I would stay in and miss going out with my friends, she would tell me to always save money so I would stay in or not buy something etc, I have got to be like her so much and become so anxious that I find its second nature now but it is my nature not an illness, at least I wasn't aware that it was an illness. I go shopping with her and she spends ages working out what is the cheapest items in the supermarket and when I go I feel anxious about what I am buying now. she asked to take over my bank account and spending and sometimes I just want to give in and be like a little girl but at the same time I want to be an adult and now I know I will have to depend upon her after my op, I am anxious that she will take over me completely. She says she just wants whats best and her way is the best way. She says I don't have cancer and ought not to have had the test. I don't know where to turn but I don't have an option. but I really never thought I had need of medication, I just thought I was weak in character. this has been hard for me to write. I may go tot he doc but I am scared they will put me in a mental hospital as I have a horror of them too.
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Dear Ethel , you sure are a worrier , I think it is unreasonable for your Mum to take over your life , I think the compassionate and unjudgmental help of the Nurses would be preferable . They help people get BETTER , they do not force themselves on you but are there to help . Your Mum might mean well but she is undermining the medical help you need

No they will not put you in a mental hospital , think most are closed now anyway

Ethel - being anxious is not necessarily an illness - it is all a matter of degree. Anxiety has its uses, but if it is interfering with the ability to enjoy life, then sometimes a bit of help can be useful. It is entirely understandable that you are feeling anxious at the moment and your GP might be able to help - that might be one route to go down.

You are not weak in character - you are just you; and some of your thinking has been shaped by your Mum's anxieties and it sounds as though this is a problem for you.

It does sound as though her approach to your illness is not helpful for you and that having to be reliant on her during this difficult time for you is not ideal. That might be a good reason to consider some help from others as your treatment proceeds - you need good professional dispassionate advice.

I urge you to go back to your doctor and ask for help. When my cousin was diagnosed he had CBT and it helped him with a more positive attitude.

Yes, do, ethel! It is sad to "hear" you so, understandably, distressed. Take any help that is offered to get you through this.

Good advice above, ethel

You are bound to be anxious and not having anyone to share it with will make it worse.
Go to your GP and tell him/her how anxious you are.

My sis in law had cancer. The Macmillan nurses were wonderful. They asked if ther was anything they could do. They will sort benefit queries. Help with equipment, listen to your fears, and help you cope. Is you need assessment before going home they sort a care package with your feelings taken into consideration. This could be much easier coped with than having your mother take over. Quite unexpectedly Macmillan gave my brother a small bursery to help with expenses. Petrol for round trips to hospital. That will also work with you for good pain relief.

I always heard people talking about macmillan nurses in hushed voices.

EG 'so and so has the macmillan nurses in to visit so he mustn't have long to go'. I always thought of them as 'death nurses' as Ive only heard then help people to die peacefully.

Oh Im so scared.

My daughters friend is a MacMillan nurse and she is very upbeat about people having cancer because it's so important to have a positive outlook, and she is very postive about it being just another illness that has to be treated. In fact I saw the tail end of a programme about Hurricane Higgins last night who had throat cancer and looked terrible; he died because his gambling and addictions took over and he didn't look after himself..he had [and I didn't know this] beaten the disease.

Oh ethelbags, my heart goes out to you, wish could say something that would help. Perhaps it's the fear of the currently unknown that is so frightening for you and others in that situation. Even as a nurse I'd be like you, and the image of Macmillan nurses certainly used to be as you describe. Nowadays all the organisations working with people who have cancer are much more about empowering, education and hope than they were, not just focused on terminal care but about living with a disease, not just cancer. (((((Hugs )))) and a big bunch of for you, and so, so wish I could do more.

Oh dear, Ethel: you are suffering far too much since your diagnosis. All I can offer is empathy and some practical advice.

My brother in law has cancer of the oesophagus. He has finished his chemo and radiotherapy for now, and has been researching his disease. It has only a 5% survival rate, so he is ensuring he is part of that magic 5%. Every day he improves a little through the correct diet (though at present it is all pureed) .

The most important thing is diet: cancer feeds on sugar, so avoid sugar and starch at all costs (starch can break down into sugar). Use the ketogenic diet - ie high fat, low carb: lots of meat, oily fish, green veg, all veg, some fruit - not too much because of the fructose, plenty of eggs and cheese. Forget cholesterol worries - much of it is overstated anyway.

My older brother had brain cancer and after the standard medical treatment, he too went on the ketogenic diet and has been in remission for years.

If you find this a bit over the top, at least cut out sugar in all its forms. The ketogenic diet kept my brother healthy, and is aiding the recovery of my BiL. It works.

I am so very sorry, for your fear as much as for your illness, I just hope for your sake that the worry and fear is going to lessen as the shock of it all wears off. I do think you should be taking some kind of medication to at least help you to feel calmer, otherwise you will lose weight drastically because of all the adrenaline, and will have no reserves of strength to help you to recover or stabilise.

Please don't lose hope, my best friend's brother is very stable with his at the moment, he was only given weeks to live last year and is now planning an extension at my friend's house. He looks very well. Apparently getting cancer when you are older (he is 59) is a good thing as it can be slowed right down if caught at the right point.

Hello Etheltbags
I think you might find this web site useful: https://www.beatingbowelcancer.org/forum/

As you are a regular user of gransnet then you are obviously computer savvy so joining the forum should not be difficult and you may find it helpful.

The acute anxiety you are suffering from (and we all have catastrophic thoughts from time to time!) is a different problem I think and one that may, if you are not careful, get in the way of your recovery. Please make an appointment to see the GP you like and trust most and go to talk to them about how anxious you are. If you cannot face talking to your doctor, try phoning the bowel cancer nurse helpline on:
08450 719301 or 020 8973 0011. These nurses are clinical specialists in bowel cancer and are kindness itself. You may not get through for a while, but it's worth persevering.
Remember bowel cancer is very treatable. My husband is testament to that as are so many of the other grans on this forum! And you may find you have more inner strength than you ever imagined!
When is your next hospital appointment?

Hello ethelbags please call MacMillan and get some help. Like everyone on here, I wish you well and worry about your anxiety which can be helped, there is no need to face all this alone. Offload your fears and anxieties to MacMillan, they will be able to help, it is what they do. Also, although i wouldn't wish to interfere, I seriously think that you need to keep your Mother at arms length, blaming you for getting the diagnosis and then wanting to take over your bank account are not helpful things to do. When you are recovering from cancer, or any major surgery, you need a good healthy well balanced diet not the cheapest stuff in the supermarket. MacMillan will help you with benefits and such to enable you to keep warm and well fed when you get home. Offload here as much as you need, we are all on your side ethel.

Foods rich in Vitamin D are good to boost your immune system (we don't get enough Vitamin D in this country, particularly in the winter), and if possible some Vitamin D tablets. You could ask your GP for a blood test to see if you have low levels of this vitamin and he/she can prescribe tablets for you.

MacMillan nurses are not just there for the dying, they will help in all kinds of ways on your road to recovery. We have a different charity here, and they are really most helpful, kind and cheerful, there to help you deal with your treatment and to listen if you need to offload.

Your mother sounds as if she is in denial, which is making it all more difficult for you.

Keep a firm hold on your bank account! I can see that she thinks she may have to go shopping for you whilst you are recovering, but there must be another way round it without giving her control of your finances. I know she is your mum, but you are not a child any more.

The doctor is not going to put you in a mental hospital; he/she will be able to help you with your very understandable anxiety.

ethel re your mother,when I told my mother I had Breast Cancer she shrugged and said "everyone gets over that now". She didn't tell anyone in the residential home she lived in so that when I didn't visit I was an uncaring daughter until I told them.just rise above it and concentrate on dealing with the treatment and GETTING WELL.

ethel don't beat yourself up about your reaction to your illness. Many of us would be in a similar state( including me) but do try to go to your doctor who I'm sure will be sympathetic and give you something to help your anxiety. Remember we will all be rooting for you. I think your brutally honest about your anxiety and I admire you for that many people wouldn't own up to it. keep us updated and best wishes.

If you are a very private person you don't like people even suspecting that you are terrified. It's perfectly reasonable to be terrified of The unknown and a major operation is the unknown but I think from what you have said you will be in the Newcastle area with some of the finest cancer treatment centres in the UK . If you're worried about people ferreting about in your private life they won't and don't and the surgeon is ferreting about in your innards,something more intimate than your home life and you won't have a clue about any of it because you will have a nice knock you out anaesthetic. And go to the GP they too are human and understand fear but you have to tell them.thay are not mind readers.

ethelbags I am sorry you are going through this difficult time. I hope you can keep yourself as well as you can by eating a plant based diet and cutting out sugar and processed food. joan's comments make a lot of sense, you can concentrate on doing the best you can for your body and could you do some relaxation classes or meditation. Being stressed will make you feel worse.

Don't worry about what other people think, I am sure everyone who is told they have cancer are terrified. Take all the help you can get. Best wishes on a speedy recovery.