gifting grandson money

I can’t make head nor tail of your post. What did you object to? Why weren’t the grandchildren treat equally?

I m really sorry but I don’t understand what you are upset about ? you gave your grandson a bag of presents plus you transferred some money to his bank account which your son drew out and gave to your grandson in cash explaining it was from you…. Have I got it right ?
Are you upset because you wanted it to stay in his bank account as savings and youre sad because it was given him as cash to spend now
Your son told him it was from you so your grandson knows it was your present

Sounds as if there’s been a slight misunderstanding as to how the child receives the money but he has received it and knows who it’s from! Why are you so upset what am I missing ?

I don't understand this either.

What's the problem?

It sounds like you are treating your grandchildren equally by gifting them both money at birthdays and Christmas. Are you feeling upset because the birthday child had cash in hand to spend from Granny and the other child felt left out? If so you could chat to them and explain that you contribute to both their savings accounts on their birthdays. Perhaps your son could withdraw some spending money for the other child.

Once gifted the money is no longer yours and it’s up to the parents if and when the child can access it. So try not to upset yourself over something you can’t control.

Perhaps Sky53 can come back and explain what’s bothering her It seems a small misunderstanding to get her so upset maybe we re all missing something

Thank you. I over-reacted.
I need to ask my son what he wants me to do in future - send a bank transfer or give them cash. As someone told me years ago, it's not my journey as a parent.
I can't understand why he didn't mention it to me in the lead up to the birthday. A few years ago I wanted to either start a junior ISA for them or to buy premium bonds. This conversation resulted in my son giving me the children's bank details and me making regular transfers.
But I guess his parents can do withdraw this money and use it for the little ones in the way they think best.
Thanks for your comments.
I'll appologise and ask what they want me to do going forward.

Perhaps buy some premium bonds for them instead, can be done if the child is under 16. The parent still has responsibility but that stops at age 16.

I understand where the OP is coming from, she decided not to give cash and the parent should have respected that. The child may have requested the cash and the parent also needed to respect that. Withdrawing cash without the child request was wrong

I gave my dgc premium bonds and told them it was specifically for savings. One parent did give their child winnings as cash, the other dgc see their PBs grow as winnings are re-invested. Dgc 1 took note and is now re-investing winnings.

The trouble with giving PBs to children is that it’s possible that one of them will get a big win. How would the parents deal having one millionaire child when the other(s) had small savings pots?

I never bought PBs for mine because of this, unlikely as it may be.

I agree Doodlebug that would be an awful situation

It just seems as if there has been a slight misunderstanding between mum and son Glad you ve calmed down Sky
No need to worry it ll all be good

I would be furious if anyone cashed in my bank transfer to my grandchildren, what’s the point of getting them a child’s bank card? It’s there to teach my grandchildren to manage their own money end off. 🤬🤬

yes Bonnybanko, spot on and I do think my dgc are learning whilst building up towards a future mortgage deposit. They all win something most months and always different amounts from each other. Two even started to buy their own PBs. The 3rd will also as soon as she reaches 16

I have just added to their holdings, one via me doing it directly as she is 15. The other two are doing it themselves via online money transfers to their bank accounts from me. They are learning methods to keep them safe from scams too plus learning independence and about tax-free cash etc

Their ages are 17, 16 and 15. I started when they were 8 9 and 10. All have a goodly amount saved up

I also (like Bonnybanko) felt furious but again I'm only granny and upsets like how this has made me feel are best avoided.
All your comments are so very helpful.
They don't have bank cards and they don't even know that the accounts I transfer the money to exist.
Teaching them how to manage their money is the parents responsibility.

I disagree Bonnybanko. The 10 year old was made aware that the banked money was a gift from Granny. He/she is old enough to understand if some money is withdrawn to spend then the balance is reduced. Possibly leaving them with less than their sibling.

My post crossed with yours sky53. I wrongly thought that the children were aware that you were in the habit of contributing to their accounts.

I still don’t really see what the problem is or why you are so furious if they don’t know the bank account exists They don't have bank cards and they don't even know that the accounts I transfer the money to exist So it’s nothing to do with teaching them about money and how to handle it so what is it ?

Do you mean you secretly put money in their accounts every birthday and Christmas to give them a nest egg when they are 18 or whatever, if so, why not keep those accounts with you why give them to the Dad ?? Then no misunderstanding will exist again

I transfer money to all my GCs on birthdays and Christmas, but only do it that way because I hardly deal in cash these days, nor do they. I have no idea if or when they spend it.

shysal like you, now the grandchildren are all older I just put money in their account and ring them up say Happy birthday /Christmas darling I ve put some money in your account to celebrate they say thanks Nan and that’s it. Not nearly as much fun as when they were small and I could choose presents

I’m another who doesn’t see any problem. I have opened Kids Savings accounts for both my Grandsons, but in joint names - mine and theirs and add to them monthly by SO and also for Easter, Birthdays and Christmas. The older boy (7) understands money, but he won’t have access to the account until he’s older, but I slip him the odd £10 cash, if he’s done well at school or in his swimming lesson or is going to the school fair, etc. Of course, I’ve made sure both boys have an equal amount in the bank, despite the difference in their ages.

I have appologied to my son for over reacting and asked him if we can talk about my gifting money going forward.

Maybe I should tell/have told them that I've transferred money into their bank accounts and I don't know why my son hasn't told them. Quite honestly I don't like to question their (son and dil's) decisions - I learnt the hard way that it's not up to me.

From what you say it was your decision to send money electronically after the conversation Re Isas/ premium bonds.
Your son should have asked you to give them cash when you first started sending money by transfer.
It’s a storm in a teacup.

Not up to your son to tell them Sky53 it’s should be between you and the grandkids
Excellent that you ve realised it was an over re action and apologised
Now moving forward why don’t you take controlled of their saved money from YOU and give them when you see fit 18/21 whatever is you’re choice I see no earthly reason to use your son as a middle man should be between you and the grandkids only
Anyway all over onwards and upwards

I agree with BlueBelle. Not worth a family feud. Give the children cash as a treat and save for the future in an account you control. I am not sure how I feel about cards for children that tell parents how they spent their money. At some point they need some autonomy about what they buy.

Thank you all very much for your advice. You've given me a lot to think about until I talk about the situation with my son.

I suppose what you do next hinges on the type of family dynamics you have, but if you want to gift money to your grandchildren as a kind of nest egg for when they get older, isn't that up to you how you choose to do it?

I'm not sure why you feel you have to keep consulting your son about how you should build up the savings for them. It's your money to start with and your grandchildren are the recipients, but it seems your son is in control of it. Whilst it's always wise to take a bit of a step back as a grandparent and accept that you're not the parent, it seems a bit extreme to me that you can't choose how to treat your own grandchildren.

But whatever you do next I'm sure it will all smooth over.