Grandchildren moving away

If they are a military family, chances are they will be redeployed every two years.

Are you going to move every time they do.

Speaking as a military Mum, just visit as and when.

Hes isnt going to move

Don’t move, as has been said military families can be moved around, and in any case your DH and yourself probably have friends and interests where you live, don’t just give it all up.
When you visit book into a B&B/hotel and stay for a few days in order to catch up with the GCs, and try to organise holidays together.
It isn’t the end of the world though I can understand your immediate reaction to this.

I look after my grandaughter every day.the thought of not being involved in her and the new babies life is so difficult to think about. My son who has learning diffuculties adores his sister and he will struggle if he doesnt see them. So torn

Military life is still a moving life. If you follow your daughter t the south of England what will you do if theya re then reposted to Newcastle and then on to Salibury? Move house each time?

I grew up as an army brat - 20 homes in 25 years and 10 schools and through all that my love and devotion to my maternal grandmother never wavered.

Your money will be better spent on visiting them every month or so. Our 2 grandchildren have lived 200 miles from us all their lives and it has not stopped us being a close family.the children are now off to university, but we keep in contact almost daily and we go on holiday together and meet regularly.

I feel really sorry for you haydnpat. I hope as others say, you will be able to visit, and even though your DD will be a military wife, hopefully nothing to stop her from visiting you, especially if her husband is sent abroad.

Thank you. I think i may follow them anyway😏

Haydnpat

Hes isnt going to move

You can never say that, especially in the current febrile international situation.

Army people are moved as needed. He may be being sent where he is with the intention that it is a permanent posting, but nothing is permanent in the forces.. He could also decide to leave the army at some time and take a job elsewhere in the country.

Witt three generations of the armed forces in my family plus friends in the forces. Never ever believe anyone who tells you a forces posting is permanent, it might be, but........on the other hand..

Make the most of your grandchildren while they are near you and then find some other interest to fill your time.

Remember absence makes the heart grow fonder.

By all means follow them, is your call, but have you asked your DD about this, does she know that you are thinking of leaving your home and DH to follow her and your GCs??
She may not be expecting this and might then feel responsible for your wellbeing after making such a big sacrifice, as well as looking after her own family.

Sorry correction didn’t mean to say you are leaving your DH, mistakenly thought that was on the cards.

Its the RAF.

Dd wants us to move with them

Haydnpat

Its the RAF.

Army, navy, air force. It doesn't make any difference.

Have you moved to a new place before where you have to establish yourself in a new community, where you know no one? You cannot just relie on your daughter and family for all your social life.

I dont expect to.

Both my daughter and her husband are in the forces and over the years they have had to move around and due to me and dh working we were unable to move with them, but I spoke to her and my grandchildren several times a week and visited as often as we could, we would also meet halfway and take the children home with us for school holidays.
I know it’s not the same but it’s better than nothing, we have now retired so have moved 100 miles to live close to her as they still have a 6yr old and she no longer has to move around the country, so keep in mind it won’t be forever and do everything possible to keep visual contact with your grandchildren

I totally understand that this news is devastating.

However what on earth does your DD think she is doing, encouraging you to follow her?

It might work for this first posting but the they could be posted anywhere, not even within the UK.

I was born in a military hospital in Singapore and we moved twice before I was three.

It was because my biological father unexpectedly died (not in active service) that my mother and I returned to England.

Your DD will have the company and support from other RAF wives and families.

If it was me, I’d visit regularly, set up WhatsApp video calling a few times a week and preparing your DS for his sisters departure.

I do hope you find a happy medium where you can still be involved very much in your DD and families lives.

Good luck

M0nica

Military life is still a moving life. If you follow your daughter t the south of England what will you do if theya re then reposted to Newcastle and then on to Salibury? Move house each time?

I grew up as an army brat - 20 homes in 25 years and 10 schools and through all that my love and devotion to my maternal grandmother never wavered.

Your money will be better spent on visiting them every month or so. Our 2 grandchildren have lived 200 miles from us all their lives and it has not stopped us being a close family.the children are now off to university, but we keep in contact almost daily and we go on holiday together and meet regularly.

Great advice

It sounds like your daughter doesn't understand the reality of life in the RAF. My nephew has been based in Yorkshire, Anglesey, the Falklands and Central London. If your daughter's partner wants to progress he will have to go where he is told.

Haydnpat

Dd wants us to move with them

What will you do if the next posting is to Cyprus, Gibraltar or even the Falklands? It could be somewhere in the UK but would you follow them and rent? If you could find a property that is affordable that is.
Yes, my advice would be to stay where you are and visit when you can.

Your son might be unsettled at first but would probably be more so if he is uprooted every couple of years, following his sister and her family around. Will he miss his father?
What does your son-in-law think of the idea too?

Your daughter is an adult with a family of her own now and you will be able to visit them and perhaps you can stay with them to help when the new baby arrives.
Don't rush into anything.

I would hold off making any decisions while you are feeling emotional about this. Of course it's a hard thing to come to terms with.

Your daughter may want you to move with them but has she really thought this request through? In her place, I would advise my mother not to move with me. Not because of any relationship I have with her but because they could move, and move again. You shouldn't be moving to follow them. Your own stable community is important too. I'd focus on visits

I can understand how you feel - I even felt devastated when COVID prevented us looking after the grandchildren on a regular basis for a few months, so I think I can appreciate how you feel now that your DD and family are moving away. I would be extremely upset too, I don’t mind admitting, in your situation. I would agree with the consensus here, that your DD and family will probably move around very regularly, so would you uproot yourself each time to follow them? It’s a difficult one, but do think it through very, very carefully. Best wishes for whatever you decide.

Haydnpat

Hi.my dd is going to become a military wife and will be moving to the south of England. We have one grandaughter aged 2 and 1/2 and another on the way. I am devasted! I want to move to be closer but my husband is against the idea as we will have to buy a smaller house which he doesnt want to do.help

Has DD husband only just joined the military (RAF) if she is to become a military wife?

Do you intend following them about every time they relocate - because regular postings is very likely.

I’m with your OH on this one …

I can understand how hard you are finding this at the moment, It can seem a shock, and for a while you cant see past that. But perhaps you can start to think of being a grandparent in a slightly different way. You can look at all the various things like whats app and ways of keeping in touch. Not making it into a rigid has to be kept to time, but evolving patterns, so that you might speak to each other on the phone every week besides keeping up with various emails and perhaps your son could also manage to have a contact time with his sister regularly. As others have said , you will be able to visit them at times and I think the idea of a b/b would be great to allow you to have time together and also a little time on your own to do something you enjoy. Perhaps you might keep a notebook, not a diary , but a book that you just put in what you have been doing, what changes are going on in your home etc., which in the future might be interesting for both your daughter and your grandchildren to read , and remind you when you look back too,of different things that you have been doing. As your grandchildren grow, they will be able to talk to you and send you messages and I know it will be a different kind of relationship to being close by, but it can be something special. When I lived abroad I used to write letters as and when I had any news about what I was doing, what was happening such as special days or the harvest or whatever. These letters my mother kept and I quite enjoyed rereading them and being reminded of what I had done all those years ago.I do hope that you will get over the first shock and then be able to start to think in a different way, about how you will be able to keep in touch and in time perhaps even come to enjoy some of the different things, and places that you might visit near their new home. You will always be mum and granny, wherever they are or you are, and I hope you will find a way to keep up your relationship in a very different but still important situation.

I think it's better to just make yourself accept changes you can't control and refuse to dwell on them because it doesn't help and only makes you more unhappy than you need to be.

I'm sure you'll work out ways to see them and be in contact at a distance too, as much as possible. It will be okay!