New grandchild & feeling guilty

Thank you for updating us ASHANTY and I'm glad all worked out well in the end.

Enjoy your next visit.

And isn't it nice when the OP returns to let us know that all is well eazybee .

What a pleasing outcome.

So very glad to hear you stayed, and that the minimising and questioning of your feelings by some didn’t upset you. As women we are often second guessed about our feelings and perceptions in ways that men seldom are.

Even happier your husband realized he was wrong and is now very supportive of your time with your family. You followed your heart, and this benefitted everyone. A little sacrifice for family is a normal thing and how wonderful it is for him to realize this.

I remember your thread about the AirBnb as well, so I am double happy that even this arrangement worked out well. With you transitioning to the house, it was probably best only you stayed in the home when your DIL was freshly released from the hospital anyway. Now grandpa gets to see his beautiful new grandbaby with mum more settled post birth. I am sure your son and DIL are very grateful for what you did for them. It’s a precious time for all of you. May these last few weeks continue to bind your family tightly together. Wishing your family good health and unity always .

Thanks for the update ASHANTY.

It's good to know that you've had such a lovely time and that your DH will be meeting his GD in a few weeks.

a bit selfish is a much fairer description of your DH's reaction to you staying on. I hope the offensive and judgemental comments about him made on this thread haven't upset you.

Congratulations again .

Thank you for all of your responses, albeit some are a little argumentative.
I stayed for another week, and enjoyed every second of it. I spent so much time with my toddler grandson that I’ll remember those precious moments forever. My new granddaughter is precious and meeting her within 24 hours is something I’ll treasure.
My DS & DIL had originally asked me & my DH to book into an Airbnb before the birth (which we did & actually enjoyed) but were desperate for me to stay with them once my GD was born. This worked out well for all of us. They both realised they needed my help & it really brought us much closer as a family.
My DH & my DD at home finally accepted that I would be staying longer than expected, despite complaining. The lack of a car for my husband was an issue, as we live in a fairly remote area, but he dealt with it.
In hindsight, my DH realised that he was being a bit selfish, realising he didn’t even manage to meet our GD. On my return home he was super supportive. We’re going back to see our family in a few weeks, where he’ll get the chance to meet his GD.

Stay.
Your husband chose to leave so it is your entitlement to choose to stay if that’s what you want to do.
It’s like he’s saying it’s alright for me to do want I want, but not alright for you to.
He needs to grow up

...we know she has "been there for them"!

I hope the OP stayed. I’ve done things in the past to appease a husband. He is the ex husband now and I kick myself for ever listening to him in the past. Your children have asked for help and hopefully you have been there for them.

We don't know the ethnicity /background of the OP .
I have an Asian and an African friend with this name.
I can't imagine either friend telling her husband to stuff it .
Let's be polite ladies.

Your habitual responses to my comments say otherwise, but I digress…

Happy Saturday to you and the OP! Hoping everyone is enjoying time spent with loved ones

You're right of course, the OP doesn't have to convince me of anything and I didn't say she did. I wont be losing any sleep over whether or not I've convinced you of anything here on anywhere else on GN BlessedArt. It makes no difference to me either way.

OP doesn’t have to convince you of anything, Smileless. She knows herself and her husband. Her feelings aren’t for you to judge. I’m not convinced you commented in good faith and weren’t attempting to undermine her feelings by questioning the truth of the origins of said feelings. I have a good guess as to why, and your position on this was quite predictable, but that doesn’t matter. All that matters is that the OP has followed her heart and helped her family.

I hope she did too BlessedArt.

No one's attempting to invalidate the OP's feelings and it is not for you to judge whether or not those whose comments are not in line with yours are commenting in good faith.

My comments are not in line with yours and they seldom are but they've been made in good faith on this thread, and are made in good faith every time I make them.

I am not convinced that any feelings of guilt the OP may have are solely because of what her husband has said, which is why I've asked her and until she replies which of course she doesn't have too, I will remain unconvinced.

I hope the OP stayed and enjoyed her precious, limited time with her grandchildren without any guilt whatsoever.

He didn’t simply say he misses her in isolation, for the umpteenth time.

He said he misses her and the son and DIL made the decision to have children close so they can’t expect her to stay until they can manage. Not hard to grasp. It’s in the OP.

Context matters to those who are honest and aren’t attempting to invalidate the OP’s feelings. By honing in on the “misses her” comment and refusing to acknowledge the other part of his comments, that’s exactly what a small minority here are doing. But I realize that not everyone comments in good faith.

Will she come back and give us an update? I hope so JenniRen but as we're on page 5 and she's not been back at all IMO it looks unlikely.

If her daughter at home is young (and she could be), presumably she stayed with her grandparents when her parents were away. If she is an adult then she and her father would be capable of looking after themselves.

Perhaps the husband just finished phone calls with 'Missing you" which is perfectly normal.
(Or is he missing the car?)

We simply don't know and Ashanty could be going home tomorrow. Will she come back and give us an update?

That's a good one and did make me laugh NotEnoughThyme.

I don't have a self image to preserve. I have no fault in our estrangement and neither does Mr. S. and I know how much that irritates some and has done for nearly 14 years, but it makes no difference to me if I'm believed or not here on GN and never has TBH.

Well I thought the same thing NotSpaghetti about being missed by your H and missing them too and posted so, but was accused of ignoring what the OP says .

I do think it's a shame that she hasn't been back with more information for example did her husband simply say he misses her or was there more to it. Did he say she should feel guilty for not being there for her elderly parents and their D who still lives at home? Did he use the word neglect or has that come from her?

I know it's Friday and I'm late to the thread. I really hope you stayed and had a lovely few days with your family and new granddaughter!

It comes down to who needs you more at this time. Unless your husband is dependent on you healthcare wise obviously you’re more needed with your new grandchild.

But presumably missing a spouse is normal...?
I would be missing my husband by now, (and would be disappointed if he wasn't missing me too) but my response would be to ask him to come back.
Problem solved.

Many congratulations and please stay and look after the babies and mum. As a paternal grandmother too I also had that privilege to be asked and able and loved it. 💐

Delila

I’m taking Ashanti at her word when she say “my husband is making me feel guilty for accepting to stay”, and responding accordingly.

Surely we don’t need to hear other perspectives on the situation, we have the OP’s, and she is asking for opinions based on how she is feeling.

Exactly

icanhandthemback

*BlessedArt*, if you have only heard one "reported" side of the story, you cannot make a judgement about whether somebody is manipulative. What you can do is say that she shouldn't feel guilty about wanting to stay because I don't know many women who wouldn't want to help their children in these circumstances. I have explained why I think as I do and I am happy not to make a judgement on a conversation where I don't know whether the husband was just expressing his feelings but was willing to accept that his wife felt differently and was happy to act as she saw fit. You carry on being prepared to make judgements without hearing the whole story, I'll continue to be prepared to less accusative. I have said my bit, I hope the OP has enjoyed her time with her new grandchild and was able to set any guilt aside because I really don't think she should have any which is surely the main point.

As some love to point out, we will ever only hear one side of the story. I’ve made no assertions that I know any side but hers. I trust the OP knows herself and her husband better than we do.

I have every right to take her at her word and assess what she relayed about her husband as selfish and manipulative. You’ve speculated on whether or not she blows things out proportion based on nothing but your imagination. That’s dismissive.

You seem to be okay with the husband judging the son and DIL for their procreative choices. I am judging him for such an attitude toward his family. No high ground there. People make judgements for various reasons. That’s life. It’s dishonest to pretend otherwise or that you don’t.

We can agree to disagree on how we view the behaviour of people who press their wants over their loved ones. I accept we all have different standards of how we behave in relationships.