New grandchild & feeling guilty

My way of making decisions is to make lists! I look at them as dispassionately as I can and make the final decision based on the greatest need. So, in this particular case:

List everyone in order of immediate importance.
What are everyone's individual needs?
How well could they cope if those needs aren't met and what might be the lasting effects of that?
What are your own needs?
How will you cope if my needs aren't met and what might be the lasting effects on you?
Could you cope if there were a a negative knock-on situation?
Will the whole furore die down eventually, or is there a chance that a family feud might develop?

If I were facing this, I'd say it's a no-brainer - stay and help, at least for the 4 days requested.
Have an open-ended time frame to allow for possible complications (within reason - I'd re-assess things periodically and change my focus as the situation changes).

To me, the baby is the most important person, followed closely by its sibling.
Next, the children's mother (who has physical stresses as well as emotional), then their father (who hasn't).
My husband would probably come next, or even somewhat lower down the list if complications crop up!
I don't want to criticise someone I haven't even met but he sounds a little immature if he can't take a little bit of disruption on a temporary basis - not even for his own family. If he wanted the car, he should have taken it when he left and come back to pick you up when you were ready. You could try reminding him (gently) that he is not the centre of the universe! (On the other hand, you know what his reaction is likely to be to that, so only you can gauge his reaction to that piece of news.)
Sorry if I sound cold and calculating, but I do get somewhat wound up by people who act like spoilt children when there are other people (some of whom are children!) whose needs are greater.
Good luck, anyway, whatever you decide.
And congratulations to all concerned!

monami

good heavens the marshmallow generaton, i had 2 children under 4 and it was no problem at all, hubby worked 40 hour week , i looked after children and it wasnt heavy weather, my mum had 6, victorans had 9, get a grip , leave them to it, by the way dd you get any help with yours ?

Your life is yours. It’s not anyone else’s standard by which to live and it doesn’t make you better than any other parent who needed a bit of help. Save your judgement for the grown man that can’t spend a few days away from his wife.

Stay, tell husband to grow up and stop being a baby.

Your husband suggesting they should not have had their children so close together - what is that all about?
You are so fortunate to be asked to stay and help - how lovely is that !
You must ask yourself ' what do I really want to do' not ' what does my husband want me to do! Answer yourself with honesty and then do it. Easier said than done I recognise that.
When you do return home you will not be seeing them as often as you would like because of the distance. So enjoy it while you can , its a privilege to be asked to stay. Your husband will manage!

My GD lives in Dubai. In June my wife and i went over to the UAE to help out. I stayed for 10 days, she stayed on for another 4 weeks, as planned. No problem, we all coped, husband is being a bit of a poor me wet blanket in your case.

PS. I had to go out to shop for baby formula as she was told she didn’t need it. Wrong. Her baby did need it! I am still cross.
Young mothers should listen to their own parents first and then make the decision that feels right for their new baby.
If you are not able to do that which most are then go to great grandparents or a wiser new mother!!

I too am a paternal grandparent and was delighted when my lovely DIL wanted my involvement from day one. That early bond is so very precious , do stay !
DH was a tad put out but as has been said by others no guilt trip please. Enjoy.

You are not being unrealistic.
Enjoy your time with your new grandchild.
The others are grown ups they can also manage.
As for your husband. Not so grown up. If he misses you then he could have stayed with you and helped to shoulder the load and responsibilities for a little while longer.
You are lucky to spend the time with them. I would in a heartbeat. We saw our DG hours after she was born and took a large homemade cottage pie for them. After that we were told to give them two weeks to get used to the new addition and routine! I was heartbroken 💔 especially as the young midwife was giving all the wrong advice to my DD! Awful when I saw them the next time and how much weight their baby had lost because of the stupid midwife who had never given birth herself.

Stay as long as you want to. Make the most of it and enjoy this special time. Your husband is old enough to look after himself! Don't let him make you feel guilty, it's not as if you live close by and can visit at the drop of a hat.

good heavens the marshmallow generaton, i had 2 children under 4 and it was no problem at all, hubby worked 40 hour week , i looked after children and it wasnt heavy weather, my mum had 6, victorans had 9, get a grip , leave them to it, by the way dd you get any help with yours ?

Perhaps your husband resents the attention you’re giving to your son’s little family, suggesting they only need your help because of their thoughtlessness in having a second child too close to their first.

He and your daughter will come to no harm if left to their own devices, and you are providing invaluable support where it’s most needed.

Stick to your guns and don’t feel guilty - you’re doing the right thing (& if you caved in and went home early you’d feel guilty as soon as you left).

STAY! You are so lucky to have been asked to stay. My eldest son and also my daughter didn’t want me near them when they had their children. Your husband is being unreasonable and blooming childish. You will be back with him soon enough! Don’t feel bullied out of this one. Hugs. 🤗

It is a privilege to be asked to stay and help the young family.
My daughter was glad of help before her second child was born but then wanted time as a new family after a couple of days.
My husband came to say hello but then returned to his own activities, with no pressure on me- but we each had our own car. He wouldn’t have left me with the only car!
Stay as long as you can.

Stop feeling guilty. You are free to do as you wish. I would stay.

ASHANTY - Stay ... frankly your husband deserves a kick up the proverbial for returning home just because baby takes her own time to arrive. Only last week we had a post about an adult daughter decreeing no visits for x months from g.parents so that she and daddy can bond with the baby - utter rubbish in terms of evidence that this makes any difference. You have a wonderful dil who wants you to help, who sees your value and who will always be grateful and bonded with you. Bounce that guilt right back at hubby and enjoy your time. I'd much rather be in your shoes than in the those of grandparents who are kept at bay.

the arrival of a grandchild is a wonderful thing! I helped for several weeks with 4 of my grandchildren and it is now part of the 'story' of their lives - and mine! Those early weeks are so hard for the young parents that your help will mean a lot. I hope your husband will find a way to cope - but he is an adult and i hope too that he will see that this is a unique time for the family descended from you both.

Congratulations on your grandbaby number 2 - I'm sure hubby can take care of himself for a few more days or he could get the train to go back and help you! Tell him to put his big boy pants on and if he stays home he can plan something nice to do for you both on your return - that should keep him occupied

Husband's are replaceable (especially selfish ones), children and grandchildren aren't.

Lol.*typo- acting like a big baby.

Yes do stay,its only a few days,after all,your hubby CHOSE to return home.He's acting like a big baby.

Stay..Definitely .

1. Stay. If your husband misses you so much, he can come back- and spend time with his new grandchild! And please treasure this time and recognize how blessed you are to be well enough- and loved so much- to be able to do this. No guilt!
2. She may have a bit of post-partum depression (and there's something called pre-partum depression, too) and I suggest an open, loving talk about this with him and/or her. Here in America, the stigma around this very common experience is lifting. She may really need you.
3. Can you help her find some resources? Walking groups would give her and older child social opportunities that are less germy- and "forest walks" are great for us all.
4. I remember this time with my own kids, a husband who had to work (even overtime), and no family nearby. I was exhausted- but exhilirated. I hope the same is so for her.
Blessings to all!

Can you suggest that your husband hires a car if he needs one for work or for driving your daughter.around.
It's kind of nice to be missed, but not in a controlling way.
Definitely stay and feel glad that your DS and DiL trust you at this time.

The language he used was overtly manipulative toward her and disparaging toward his son and DIL. We don’t know the full story but there are red flags here. He is aware of his ability to survive without the car, hence suggesting the train. Car issue isn’t enough to convince her so then he turns to guilt-tripping about “missing” the OP. The fact that such a small issue caused the OP to post about it indicates a larger issue with this husband. Healthy marriages don’t entail one partner competing with their own offspring for their spouse’s attention and I think the OP knows this or she wouldn’t have sought outside perspective.

I agree , stay and hopefully enjoy your time with them.
I would have been made up to help out but was never asked, although I did take meals around.
And big congrats 💐