Daughter says no visitors for three months

Yes, true, but two things she doesn’t realise yet of course as she’s still fantasising how idyllic it all will be! A) she will be utterly exhausted and often very bored and b) she will be desperate to show off her baby like no other!! Lots of love and luck to you and she will need you, she just doesn’t realise yet!!

I’m so sorry for you. 💐
We look forward to having grandchildren if it’s possible.
Sadly these online forums are causing a lot of distress and heartbreak.
Your daughter is being very selfish and not normal in my opinion.
However a lot of parents do similar at various times. It’s happening to me now. I was there for them and travelled miles when required but now my grandchild is a lot older I’m not allowed to visit and they do not visit me even though not far away these days. Sadly I’ve come to accept this but heartbroken just the same. I will never understand why or who is behind this.
I have issues with health maybe that’s why.
I nearly died last year.

I’d be very busy after the 3 months or on holiday.

Some of the happiest times of my life were in the few days after giving birth. The attention from friends and relatives, the gifts, the pride of my beautiful baby being adored and fawned over. I don’t understand this modern nonsense.

Hmm, not sure what your point is.
I'm from a farming community and most parents these days share the chores and the childcare.
Don't know anyone in the forces but hopefully they have moved with the times regarding parental rights, too.

Of course.

The Forces can be excused from duty, flown home for each birth! Farmers can ask the animals to have a day off.

Not everyone has an office job where someone else can cover easily.

JenniRen
That is not the point. In the UK, Ireland and the US (where I think, most of Gransnet posters are based), society is more equal. Men and women can work, sail hunt and travel, thankfully.

keepcalmandcavachon

MarieElla

Why only female relatives keepcalmandcavachon?
My brother was living nearby when my eldest was born.
He was very supportive.

I don't know*MarieElla*, I dare say all over the world throughout history a fair few would have been hunting, travelling , sailing, working.....

And still might be.

Well, that's not the case anymore and men in today's society are expected to be equally involved in their children's lives.
(We, definitely in the UK)

MarieElla

Why only female relatives keepcalmandcavachon?
My brother was living nearby when my eldest was born.
He was very supportive.

I don't know*MarieElla*, I dare say all over the world throughout history a fair few would have been hunting, travelling , sailing, working.....

“I never needed help. I think if you need help, you’re not ready for full blown motherhood.”

I didn’t get “help” from my mum having given birth away, but this is pure naive hogwash. Everyone’s experience is different. That’s the beauty of life, diversity of experience. I’m not more impressed by a mum who went it alone anymore than a mum who needed support. Every experience is valid and no one has the right to diminish other mums for having a different experience to their own. It’s as arrogant as those grans who just assume they will be needed to save the day when their daughters and DILs give birth.

Ultimately, women need to learn how to start respecting the choices of other women, regardless of what anyone’s title in the family is. If we want to teach boys and men to do better, we must start with ourselves.

Why only female relatives keepcalmandcavachon?
My brother was living nearby when my eldest was born.
He was very supportive.

Macaydia

I think I am the only one here in support of your daughter. I agree with not having visitors for 12 weeks while the child gets used to life outside the womb and the mother begims the long proceas of healing. Having visitors over would probably cause stress for her when all she needs is rest with her baby. The only interference she needs is when her DH is home. I wish the best for your daughter and her child. First one is always the careful one so just allow her to have self-confidence since becoming a mother is a huge step in one's growth. Give her support - not critisism about how she is supposed to behave. A congratulations card in the mail is not interfering with her wishes and also makes a nice keepsake for the baby.

I'm unable to think of any culture now or in the past where a new mum is left free of visitors for three months.
I think it more usual around the world for aunties, sisters, friends and grannies to be a comfort and support rather than a source of stress.
IMO, it is a terrible pity if an expectant mum is reading things on social media which are encouraging this.
I'm sure I rolled my eyes at the odd 'well meaning' visitor now and then, but 3 months of isolation could be quite damaging to a new mum's well being and mental health.

I never needed help. I think if you need help, youre not ready for full-blown motherhood.

People need help for all sorts of reasons.
My daughter had a caesarian section for both her babies and couldn't drive for six weeks, so among other things I helped with that after her partner had gone back to work.

Isn't it known as the fourth trimester ?
There are some hints of schadenfreude on here that rather proves why she might want to keep apart.
I think respect for other's decisions that are theirs to make is the correct response.

What exactly is full-blown motherhood?

A woman's mother is not always the best person to give advice as has already been pointed out on this thread.
My cousin caught her mother trying to give her newborn a bottle because she was against breastfeeding!
My own mother was critical and lazy and I counted the days until she went home when she visited after our first baby.was born.
While I couldn't wait until l my husband got home from work every day as I knew he would share the load.

Sueinkent
Just so you know, many of us never asked for help (unless it was an emergency).
Time with grandparents was always just for pleasure.

Is it her first? If so, don’t worry too much. She will soon be on the phone to you for help.

M0nica

I have yet to meet anyone devoid of opinions or not judgemental. All non-judgmental means is that everyone is agreed on the matter or person under discussion.

I have yet to hear anyone by non-judgmental about someone who is abusive or stole the plastic gnomes from their garden.

Non judgemental about the baby?

Or visiting the baby?

Or?

I have yet to meet anyone devoid of opinions or not judgemental. All non-judgmental means is that everyone is agreed on the matter or person under discussion.

I have yet to hear anyone by non-judgmental about someone who is abusive or stole the plastic gnomes from their garden.

Just let it go.

Maremia

It's the broken nights paddyann, especially if you are breastfeeding.
Lovely Aunts and Co would give me chats and advice.
I just wanted to sleep.
'Let us babysit so you can go out and have a wee break.'
I just wanted to stay at home and sleep.

That's why I was so thankful for my parents being there for a while; my mother would look after the baby while I went for a sleep.

Of course, that was in the days before paternity leave.

Somebody yesterday accused posters on here of being opinionated and judgemental, presumably not realising that opinions are voiced on every single Gransnet thread!

In fact that’s exactly what the OP asked for!

It's the broken nights paddyann, especially if you are breastfeeding.
Lovely Aunts and Co would give me chats and advice.
I just wanted to sleep.
'Let us babysit so you can go out and have a wee break.'
I just wanted to stay at home and sleep.