In a Dilemma

Remind him that you have been a GREAT mother giving him, his wife and child a free home without any thought for yourself, and if he thinks that is bad parenting, then he knows where the door is.

I do not know how you cannot see DGS if he is in your house. Do not stay in your room but use the whole house as if they were not there - take ownership back.

They are trying to driveyou out so they can have the house.Kick them out.

Oopsadaisy1

I think 2 months notice, so that they can find somewhere else to live might be the answer to this one.
How dare they make you stay in your room because you feel so uncomfortable in your own home?
If the house is too big for you, get some Estate Agents around and put it on the market.
Entitled or what!

Yep. This is the solution.

I agree with Oopsadaisy. Co fined to your room! 🤬 Why are they staying in YOUR house and treating you like that? Disgusting. Tell them to find their own place!

Son...not done!!!

Wow I would be showing them the door and telling them to walk through it. I don't see my grandsons but tbh its the price I accept for not having to put up with my awful dil. Do not stay in your room and ask them to leave. It is not his house it is yours and his disrespect will mot change if you continue to let them rule your life. He will go nc at first opportunity or put you in a home as soon as he thinks he can. What an dreadful couple and showing their Don how to treat parents. Vile!!

Does you sister realize your situation and are you allowed to invite her into your home?

I’m sorry I would not have anyone living with me that I was afraid of son or not, I’m wondering how he can stop you seeing your grandson if he is living with you
Hope you don’t mind me asking but how old are you and are you infirm

Gurms I think you are enabling your son and DIL to treat you badly.
I appreciate you love your grandson but his parents sound foul!
Sorry, I know he's your son but he is angry, rude, loud and very entitled. It's YOUR house and you are caving in, giving them an easy ride.

They are also using the child as a blackmailing tool. Doesn't sound like that will change, no matter how you grovel.

Your 'crime' in divulging the pregnancy to your sister was hardly major and not ill-intentioned. Their anger is disproportionate.

You are being abused.
They need to leave. I dare say when they need child care help they may reach out, but in the meantime it's sounds like you are living in a very nasty atmosphere and being bullied and taken advantage of.

Find the strength to assert yourself if you possibly can.

mrsgreenfingers56

Gurms, are you in the UK?

OP is in Canada

Gurms - you are scared of two people who are parasites on your nature which sorry to say, shows you as weak as this has been going on for years. You run to the safety of your room when they vent at you and threaten you with separation from your grandchild. Frankly, I believe that any adult child who uses a grandchild to blackmail a grandparent into doing or not doing something is despicable. Too many adult children assume an entitled air believing that their parents owe them something when they don't. Your son says you're a bad mother yet you continue to house him and his family? You're enabling this behaviour and what you actually need to do is put your foot down, get legal advice, evict them and face up to the fact that you may not see your grandchildren again but at least you will have your self-respect.

I’m with Ooopsadaisy and Jenniwren. These fecking adult kids at times are too much, I bet he’s an only child (your son) start with looking at one & two bed properties

Gurms, are you in the UK?

You need urgent help and advice.
And actual real life support.
Contact any domestic abuse charity local to you.
All the best.

It would be very difficult for you to do as you are being advised above if you are alone. If you can bring yourself to face the issues and confront your son it would need to be done with someone at your side. Preferably a social worker but failing that your sister or another family member. The local church is another possibility. Their attitudes would at least be witnessed and might make them think again what they are doing.

Good grief woman, kick them out,

Great advice above. I'd just add don't try and soften the blow to getting this abusive pair out by giving money or a share of the proceeds if you move. All that does is convey to them that you are intimidated and they will redouble their efforts. Get support first.

OP lives in Canada.

Could your sister move in with you to make you feel safe while you get them out?
It's hard to pluck up courage and take action. But you can, get help from the sources people have already mentioned. Good Luck. xx

Please please don’t ignore all this heartfelt and extremely sensible and good advice.

Please speak with a trusted person NOW! Whilst you’re still able too.

You simply have to face the fact that your son is a bullying, coercive, nasty man.

Stand up to them, but have someone, a trusted someone, or even two people beside you when you do this.

Have you been hiding your son’s behaviour from your friends and family?

I understand why, but this needs to stop and it needs to stop NOW!

They are living in your house, but keeping their son away from you, and apparently both your son and daughter-in-law are treating you like dirt under their feet!

What have you to lose by asking them to find accommodation elsewhere?

You are already estranged from them,

You are made so uncomfortable that you stay in you own room, instead of going where you want in what is, after all, your house.

If they move out, you will be able to go where you want and do what you want in your own house.

If they are not paying rent and their share of utilities' bills, home insurance etc. then you will be better of f without them.

Frankly, if money is an issue, you would be better off renting a room or two to a total stranger, who could be expected to treat you with respect.

I admit, I do not remember all the details of your previous situation with them, but honestly, it cannot get worse.

In your place, I would give them two or three months' notice and refuse to extend it, irrespective of how hard it may be for them to find other accommodation.

Has your DIL no family, they could live with for a change, if they either cannot find a house, or cannot afford one?

V3ra

Gurms this may not have cropped up yet, but please do not set up the Power of Attorney documents with either your son or daughter-in-law named on them! 😳

Gosh yes! If indeed you have set anything up in terms of PoA please revoke it by contacting Age UK or Citizens Advice (or a solicitor if you can afford it).

Oh God you poor thing. You can see how this could happen. "Cab we stay with you mum while we get sorted" etc. Then, you find you're outnumbered and even an unwelcome visitor in your own home. Oh please tell me you didn't sign the property over to him! This is elder abuse surely? If you ask them to leave you may never see them again and only a mother/grandmother will truly know what that means. Yet I could see them asking YOU to leave if you're not proactive. I don't know about anyone else reading this but it made me feel so angry and yet so helpless.

They certainly wouldn't be living with me any more

Firstly why do you allow such disrespect in your own home. With regard to a birthday, my suggestion would be to set up online a premium bond account, a gift for his future.