Supporting one grandchild financially?

Oops - fat fingers !

If you favour one member of your family please don't expect your generosity to be
accepted .

My elder girl considered her sister to have been favoured by her grandfather though she was not always right .
Her sister thought that her older sister was more entitled and again - she was not always correct in her assumptions.
It's caused a great deal of bad feeling and resentment .
At times I've been the piggy in the middle of all the conflict .

I'm tempted to be more generous in my will towards one of my grandchildren,because she is neurodiverse and very unlikely to support herself.
I know that it will cause jealousy and anger .

If you favour one member if your fa

Interesting the different perspectives here. I try to treat children and grandchildren equally, but circumstances are so different in each case.
In OP's scenario, I would help the one going to uni. I do think one has to take into account other things, like whether parents have good incomes- life choices already made etc.

Heip hin with tuition and reasonable accomodation fees.

He will then hopefully be in less debt when he finishes his degree

But no noney support for everyday food bills and spending money. He needs to budget and learn to cook
.
And tell him he needs to get some kind of part job/work to pay for this.

Then when the time comes. Support the other children in a similar way with the same amount of money.

A good future for you all.
🤞
X

I help one GC who is currently doing a second qualification at University with his living expenses. It helps not just him but also my daughter who is divorced. I don't feel any guilt about that. Things have a habit of evening out. One child/adult in the family has a disability and has always been helped with more, normally through his mother. No-one in the family takes umbrage at this. They know he will never earn what they can and will never have their opportunities. Life is not always fair. They get the same for birthdays, Christmas, special age birthdays. Feel no guilt about it. University is expensive these days. You can always find ways to give the others when GC has completed University and is earning.

I don’t have GC but my mother has always treated myself , my siblings and her dgc equally. When my DC went to uni she did a DD to my bank and I transferred the money to my AC . She did the same for my siblings for their DC .
In my experience families talk and it’s best to be open about any monies . Otherwise you might get resentment.

If your GC is in private rented accommodation rather than university accommodation it might be an idea to have a regular food shop delivered.

I help whoever needs it. You could always help him and then take it out of any inheritance

In total agreement with Dolly D. I supported eldest grandchild with accommodation fees. The next two did not need any support the last grandchild needed my support so I have just paid as and when.
There is absolutely no need to make it a topic of conversation but I am prepared to help all my grandchildren if asked.

There is a system somewhere which means you can pay the fees direct If you can afford it. They will probably keep on going up though.

Other regular payments can be allowed by HMRC if they come out of income, not savings.

I give my 5 GC the same every month. Not a lot but it means they can have a break with it. 2 buy their football season tickets and the resulting travel. One goes on the train to see his girlfriend. One is saving up for something or other. The last one is doing A levels and is saving up for a big keyboard!

Cabbie21

Interesting to read the different perspectives.
The older two from the other family are working. I didn’t help them through uni or its equivalent as they were living at home. They get loads of support from their other grandparents who have no other grandchildren.

If I decide to support the youngest. the others will not find out.

May be best not comparing what any other grandparent gives?

Nothing stays secret, in my experience.

Interesting to read the different perspectives.
The older two from the other family are working. I didn’t help them through uni or its equivalent as they were living at home. They get loads of support from their other grandparents who have no other grandchildren.

If I decide to support the youngest. the others will not find out.

Has you GC looked into what student finance they would be entitled to?

Only one grandchild who isnot of an age for much financial support. However have 2 daughters, one of whom has needed a lot of financial input due to her as*h*l of an ex. The other has always been much more independent and has always repaid any help we've given. Never any resentment between them but now she's in a position that we can help her financially so her time has come. If you want to help, and can, go ahead and tell the others that their turn will come when they really need it.

As others have suggested, I would give the student grandson a small amount by standing order each month, say £100. I wouldn’t mention it to anyone else. However, I would stash away the same amount each month to keep to give to the other grandchildren at a later date when you feel they need it, maybe to pay for driving lessons or similar.

friendlygingercat. I find that appalling. My elder daughter has two children, but the younger one has decided, luckily the same as her partner, that she doesn't want children, but there is no way that I would favour the one with children over my younger daughter. Whenever I've helped one out, I always give the other one the same money. Not that I've ever given them a fortune. I only have the money that I have due to what I inherited from my mum, and she didn't have a fortune, just the proceeds from the sale of her property and some savings. divided between me and my brother and sister.

I don't see it as favouritism, I will fund my grandson thorough his university this year and the coming years. I see it as pragmatic to the situation as is now. The other grandson is planning on going to live in Canada sometime in the future, so it is likely that I will fund some of that adventure, but he doesn't need any help now like the other one does. Indeed who needs to know its between you and your grandchild.

If one needed help financially I always gave equivalent to the others. Only last week on rare meet up with GD in city I paid £90 for clothing she liked. I sent bank transfer to GS for same amount. Perhaps you could discuss situation with other GC explaining what you would like to do and why to get their feelings on whether or not they would feel as if missing out.

Support your university grandson and tell the others you will do the same for them if they too decide to enter university. That way the gift is for university education and available to all who strive for it. One might rethink their pathway but they may be happy enough to continue in employment. Good luck to your grandchild.

It's your money you do what you need to. One might need help now others later. We are not obliged to help put in any case, we do it because we want to. I helped my daughter get on the property ladder my sons gave their blessing they didn't demand the same amoun, they both have property. I think if you help one and can't help the others ( who don't get in touch) so be it, I wouldn't feel guilty. If they kick off they are just behaving entitled when they are not entitled to any money

Our oldest grandchild is at university and we give her £100 a month, hardly a fortune these days, but she is grateful as it helps with her food bills. The other three have no desire to go to university and are still at school or college. They’re not remotely bothered by this, I don’t think it’s even crossed their minds, and hopefully it won’t!

If you have plans to give the others something in the future, I think it is fine to help out, I would go for a set monthly amount make it condition that the DGC & his parents don't boast/ mention it to other members of the family to upset the apple cart. You can say that you have plans for the others in the future. Wish him well for his future and remind him to work hard and be can help you out when you get old.😍

family talk even if they do not meet regularly, they also like to boast about something like this. I would never give one and not the others. Years ago my late brother borrowed £400 from my parents, he sadly died without repaying it, so my parents soon after presented me with an envelope with the equal amount of money. I had no idea he had borrowed £400 as I live in a different country and had little contact with my late brother.

If it was me (my gc are younger) I would do what we’ve done with our sons as they’ve grown up, given support as and when it seemed appropriate (rather than just a regular payment or a lump sum). So they’ve each received some financial help as and when it seemed most needed. Perhaps you could transfer for example, something into his bank account at the start of his year to help him….and then on and off as his course proceeds. If you’re in touch with him, maybe some money to buy some course materials or books….a little more on his birthday…..pay for a computer/device….new phone….rail card…..different things as he needs them. Would he need bedding…maybe a store gift card. I’m not suggesting you overwhelm him but I think there are subtle ways to help him during his uni years as and when he’d most need it and without it being so obvious to others in the family.

If you intend to leave money in your will to each of your grandchildren, then you could give the one hoping to go to university finacial help now, adding a codicil to your will stating that this money is to be deducted from his inheritance from you.

Otherwise the only fair way would be to lend him the money on the proviso that it is to be paid back by a certain time after he qualifies. But you should really only do this, if you can afford to lend the other grandchildren similar amounts, if or when they might need them.

And if the money is not paid back then the young man's inheritance has the amount deducted.