Daughter doesn’t refer to us as Grandma or Grandpa

My 18 month old grand daughter is learning to name things, she calls me banana and my DH Ro-ro. She does call her parents mama and dada but also calls every man she sees dada.
Love this age and don’t care what she calls us. Am happy to be a banana 🤣

I don't think any of that sounds concerning, I wouldn't worry about it at all. People raise their children differently and that's ok

I remember when a very young DGD2 kept trying to say 'Grandad' and not managing it. She got exasperated and said "Oh! Jim!" which she could pronounce.

We also follow all her rules and ask before we do anything

Jolly good, keep doing that 🙂

Shelflife

Well IMO you do need a title! We enjoy being referred to as Grandma and Grandpa. I think Grandparents should be able to decide what name/ title the GC knows them by. I may be shot down inflames now but I don't believe it is the parents choice! I decided my title - not my adult children. They are more than happy with our decision.

I’d imagine it’s only an issue If th e grands parents don’t like it. For the most part I think choosing grandparent titles is silly. You’re a grandparent. So grandma or grandpa it is. Beyond that you’ve a Christian name you didn’t choose either 😆.

The grands all call me grandma or sometimes Grammy when little. My own mum ages ago claimed to be to young to be called grandma and tried to pick a “title” I didn’t care for so I just called her grandma to the children and what do you know, that’s what stuck.

It crossed my mind that maybe your daughter has a bit of post natal depression. It all seems a bit obsessive on her part.

If that's all you have to moan about, well lucky you.

My grandchildren call their parents by their first names and don't ever refer to them as 'mum' and 'dad'. I find it odd as the children are quite young at 4 a d 6 but the parents don't seem to mind..As they explained, they have a wide circle of friends and the children have heard their parents called by their names by everyone else and have just picked up the habit.

mabon1

If that's all you have to moan about, well lucky you.

You have no idea what other aspects of the OP's life may be challenging or distressing. Please stop saying this to posters. You said it to me recently and I've had more than my fair share of worry and sadness.

Fae1

My grandchildren call their parents by their first names and don't ever refer to them as 'mum' and 'dad'. I find it odd as the children are quite young at 4 a d 6 but the parents don't seem to mind..As they explained, they have a wide circle of friends and the children have heard their parents called by their names by everyone else and have just picked up the habit.

One of our SiLs does this, has called his mum and dad by their first names all his life so our grandson will also do this with the parents but they are happy for us to be nana and grandpa. Is just what the parents prefer really. As long as it isn’t offensive I don’t really care what I’m called.

GrandmaBeesKnees

Answering all questions: GC is 18 months, teaching littles who people are at this age, makes sense to me. We also don’t live in the same city, so at this point, we are basically strangers. This just feels weird that our D would not interact with GD to say who we are. We get around this when we speak with our GD, to say blah, blah, Grandma, etc.

Yes, we all decided together that I would be Grandma and Dad would be Grandpa. We don’t care what our GD calls us, she’s just learning to talk. Whatever she ends up calling us is fine.

Our daughter doesn’t mind that we take our own photos or post photos on social media. We just find it weird that when her husband’s siblings and their families visit, no photos of them, or all the little cousins together, no photos of the other grandparents. Her husband has to take photos of his family with baby. Before anyone says, “she’s busy looking after the house, baby, working, etc”, pulease. She’s constantly on her phone snapping photos of baby, just not interested in having family in her photos. I have a lot of co-workers my daughter’s age with kids. When I look at their social media, or if they show me photos on their phone, tons of photos of family with their littles.

Yes we walk on eggshells because our daughter has a need to be in control of her kiddo and husband. Her hubby double checks everything with her before he does anything with baby. As an example of her control, we were told at one point not to say “yay!” when GD did something or followed directions, because GD would clap and say, “Yay” back to us. Our daughter found this annoying. The other grandparents did this and would not stop.

Was this something we saw coming? No it wasn’t. Which was why I asked if it is odd we are not referred to in any way and she does not take photos of baby with ANY relatives. I wondered if anyone else had a similar experience.

Your complaints would not matter to me, however you are not me.

Perhaps continue on not demanding anything, going along with mum? Ignore what you don't like and merely be polite?

I called one grandmother by her first name and the other grandma (her request) my own grandchildren call me grandma and I was asked what I preferred out of Nannie or Granny, I hate Nanny as it sounds like paid child care to me so opted for Grandma

@grandmabeesknees We have 22 Grandchildren and 3 great-grandchildren we are either Nan, Nanna, Nanny and Granddad. However, two of the great-grandchildren call me Big Nanna (I am 4’11” and a size 12) to the youngest I am Granna they will choose what they are comfortable with and what they can manage to say. My grandfather was called Grandy because I could not get my mouth round Granddad and it stuck even as adults we called him Grandy.

'13:20Shelflife

Well IMO you do need a title! We enjoy being referred to as Grandma and Grandpa. I think Grandparents should be able to decide what name/ title the GC knows them by. I may be shot down inflames now but I don't believe it is the parents choice! I decided my title - not my adult children. They are more than happy with our decision.'

This is my view too 😃👍 My name is my name, and I choose what I want to be called. I chose nanny and my husband chose grandad. My daughter in law's mum chose ' 'nanny vod vod'. With my parents my mum chose 'nanny ' and my mother in law chose 'nana'. Even when my parents became great grandparents my kids left it to them and they choose 'nana and grandpa'. I feel it's up to the grandparents what they want to be called..

Well IMO you do need a title! We enjoy being referred to as Grandma and Grandpa. I think Grandparents should be able to decide what name/ title the GC knows them by. I may be shot down inflames now but I don't believe it is the parents choice! I decided my title - not my adult children. They are more than happy with our decision.'

That's fine if everyone is happy. However if the AC parents feel strongly about what the children should call grandparents and are willing to create problems over it then it really isnt worth falling out over!

I don't want a "title" I have a perfectly good name.

My husband doesn't call me "Wife", "Wifey", "Spouse" or "Consort".

Just saying.

How did she get on with her grandparents? Does she find the words bring back sad memories? The sharing photo on social could be because she feels the need to be in control to protect her child. Could you gently ask if everything is okay? Is she suffering post natal depression?

I wish my daughter wouldn't refer to us as grandad etc, I prefer first names. My own kids always used my firstname (by their own choice), and I to my own parents also, so I have no idea why she insists on her own child calling us familial terms.

ReadyMeals - since my children have been adults they have occasionally used mum and dad instead of our names - which they never did as children.

Their own children seem to use both names and mum/dad interchangeably in reference to them.

We are called by our names by all our grandchildren.
I don't know why our adult children sometimes use mum/dad now - and never thought to ask!
They all still use her name for for my 100 year old mother-in-law (their grandmother!

ReadyMeals

I wish my daughter wouldn't refer to us as grandad etc, I prefer first names. My own kids always used my firstname (by their own choice), and I to my own parents also, so I have no idea why she insists on her own child calling us familial terms.

My own children when small weren’t allowed to call adults but their first names only. It was mr or mrs so and so or a family title. Perhaps your daughters spouse was raised similarly

Grams2five

ReadyMeals

I wish my daughter wouldn't refer to us as grandad etc, I prefer first names. My own kids always used my firstname (by their own choice), and I to my own parents also, so I have no idea why she insists on her own child calling us familial terms.

My own children when small weren’t allowed to call adults but their first names only. It was mr or mrs so and so or a family title. Perhaps your daughters spouse was raised similarly

She doesn't have a spouse, she chose single-parenthood from the outset. She's very independent. So it feels kind of out of character for her to suddenly want the traditional.

NotSpaghetti

ReadyMeals - since my children have been adults they have occasionally used mum and dad instead of our names - which they never did as children.

Their own children seem to use both names and mum/dad interchangeably in reference to them.

We are called by our names by all our grandchildren.
I don't know why our adult children sometimes use mum/dad now - and never thought to ask!
They all still use her name for for my 100 year old mother-in-law (their grandmother!

Perhaps by a certain age we just become generic old mums and dads no longer requiring the individuality of a name I do hate how newspaper headlines refer to women such as "Mum stabbed while crossing the road" or whatever. It makes me think it was one of her kids who stabbed her otherwise why is the relationship role relevant?

I think "Banana" is one of the best names I've heard

ReadyMeals - mother of 3 in fatal road accident
Yes!

I don’t think GrandmaBeesKnees is at all worried about the name used to refer to her, but rather it’s the fact that they are not being accorded preferential status, as she feels grandparents should.
Of course, I may be wrong, but it’s what I inferred from her original post.