Aggression towards grandparents

I agree with easy eye and squeaker, what a dreadful shock for you. You used the minimum amount of force to get out if a very difficult situation, which could have resulted in a bad injury. No quiet words or discipline can stop them when like that, and they have the strength from somewhere to do a lot of damage. It must upset the child just the same. I doubt this is an isolated incident. . I bet you’re still shaking from the assault. It certainly sounds like Autism or similar. The parent have a difficult job but unfortunately there is little you can do but support them.

Interesting assumption that it is a boy. I don’t think gran mentioned the gender.

I wouldn't say "it sounds like autism", autism is an umbrella, each child can be very different to the next.

However this can manifest in children who are autistic and overwhelmed or unable to cope with a strong emotion.

At 5, many children would only just be starting their journey to a diagnosis, if at all. For girls problems might not show until later.

There are also many other problems that can manifest in this way, like attachment issues or ADHD.

What will work is modelling good behaviour, clear expectations and explanations of what will happen next, not preventing stimming or other self comfort. Consistency, patience and kindness... until someone professional can observe the behaviour.

I am very knowledgeable on autism and quite good at spotting it but I wouldn't presume to diagnose, even if I could put things in place to support

Interesting assumption that it is a boy. I don’t think gran mentioned the gender.

Which shows how important it is to use the correct pronoun.
When the poster used 'their' I assumed it referred to both the children, but possibly she was attempting to conceal the children's identity.

I didn't even notice that there was no gender in the OP

Didn't need one

It's interesting, but I'm going to hazard a guess that in the past the child has got what it wanted by this type of behaviour. Some children do rule the roost. I'm certainly not advocating physical violence but children do have to be able to cope with denial at some point. Personally I would be reluctant to look after the child again and I would not worry about the hair pulling. The issue is really one that the parents need to deal with. If they don't install some sort of behavioural norms the child will be in for a very unhappy time.

They, there and them in definitely better than "it" right

Their, my phone is stupid

Maybe next time you see him it would be a good idea to have a very simple quiet chat - "you were very upset last time I saw you, granny gets upset too when you try and hurt her. I hope you feel better now so that we can have a good time baking cakes (or whatever). "

If it is a continual problem then just tell parents you can't cope with him/her. But at 5 they are still very little and maybe something had troubled him.

My older grandson was a handful, and my mum very, very disabled.
Her next door neighbour had to sprint over the fence and 'save' her from him, once, as he was overpowering her.

That was the last time he was ever left with her, whatever the emergency.

My GS had temper tantrums at five. His mum used to give in to him. He tried one on me when I was collecting him from school and he wanted to have a friend come home with him. He didn't bite but he screamed and yelled I left him sitting on a seat in the playground while I collected his sister. And I ignored him until he settled down. He's never tried it since.
If a child is screaming or violent walk away from them, go into another room if you can. Explain in a quiet voice that when they are quiet you will talk to them then walk away. Then ignore them.

Awful for you squeaker, and I’m sure you felt terrible about the hair pulling. We have had similar problems with our grandchild on occasion and it is terribly upsetting. Hope you find a solution soon. And the hair pulling? You were desperate, forgive yourself.

This is quite sound advice @wildswan. I’m honestly surprised you haven’t received a call , or a word from the parents regarding the hair pulling and perhaps that’s why they haven’t been in contact . Obviously no child should be having tantrums of this nature , in a perfect world . But five is still quite young and these things do happen. What’s important is to use these situations to model appropriate behaviors. While my own children are all grown now when they were small there were periods of tantrums and unpleasant behavior as well and if a trusted caregiver had resorted to hair pulling? Well they would no longer have been a trusted caregiver. You say “we were overwhelmed “. Was your husband with you? And the two of
You , grown adults couldn’t safely subdue a five year old without resorting to things like hair pulling?

The parents should most definitely be in touch with the grandparents to discuss what happened, and why. There are unknown factors such as the relationship and familiarity between the grandparents and grandchildren, whether they were anxious at being away from home, what discipline measures the parents use, whether the child/ children have behavioural issues and what caused the tantrum.

Not our business, but most certainly needs to be aired between the adults involved and the issue confronted, not simply ignored by the parents.

wildswan16

Maybe next time you see him it would be a good idea to have a very simple quiet chat - "you were very upset last time I saw you, granny gets upset too when you try and hurt her. I hope you feel better now so that we can have a good time baking cakes (or whatever). "

If it is a continual problem then just tell parents you can't cope with him/her. But at 5 they are still very little and maybe something had troubled him.

That is a fantastic idea wildswan16, good thinking!