screen addiction breaking my heart

My grandsons are some distance away and I don't get to see them now as it was always us that made the journey & DH now avoids night driving & the G/ sons attend so many activities they're never free now & aren't prepared to give any a miss (they're 6 & 10). They both have devices and now all I get over the phone is grunts & dad has to insist they put the games down & speak to me. I keep upbeat & show interest & listen to them but they no longer have chatter. I feel like I don't know them anymore & it breaks my heart. The only time (it seems) that they want toknow me is to instruct dad or mum the list of things they want from us as presents. The youngest has become v cheeky with his dad & the eldest argumentative over 'game time' as they have rules about it but my son tells me they're always arguing.

My GC are 6,4 and 18 months. Luckily they don't have their own screens yet ando don't think they will for a while yet. The 4 year old especially does love TV but even he gets restless if he is indoors too long. I'm not sure what the answer to screen addiction is other than try not to let them use it until you have done something else so maybe something like 'yes of course you can play x but first we have to, go to the park, to the library, go swimming, bake a cake, make a model, paint etc first.'
I think one of the problems is once they start on a game it's hard to stop so if you try and get them to do something more interesting first at least that's less time on it.

I wondered also,if all this 'clinging' to screens,is because we grandparents are more lenient with them,more likely to allow them extra much wanted time on them( wanted by them) that parents wont? I have mixed aged GC,some (ages 7&11) whose parents are more likely to be a bit more lax on gaming,(not much more) whom dont rush to get out tablets etc when they arrive at my house,but a different 2,ages 6& 9,whose mum is much more strict over screen time,who do rush to get them out hoping ill allow more time on it!but we usually compromise,and they have them while we get sorted& a cuppa and if we are going out,or getting out crafts or a boardgame then they put tablets/ phones away.maybe they just dread boredom,and you can provide crafts or good old- fashioned boardgames yourself? Or teach them knitting or baking? Even boys would surprise you? I once spent an evening teaching my eldest grandson,then 11( now 21) to knit.& all kids love to bake their mum a few buns maybe?or pore over old photos of their parents as a kid?

I'm shocked at how many of you just do what your grandchildren want, you are the adults, screens can be very good in moderation so I don't ban them but limit their time, no pussyfooting around. My grandchildren like to do things with us and we take them out and play games, make art, go for walks, they know gran's house, gran's rules but still love coming. Mind you they do have screen limits at home to a certain extent. They need some tough love, don't fall for their threats, children love to test you!

I also have grandsons aged 8 and 5 but fortunately my DS and DIL strictly ration the elder’s screen time to one hour a day at weekends only. The younger has none yet. They did this because it had started to become an issue as described and he became very bad tempered if not allowed it. I fetch them after school once a week and we go for a picnic in the park, play football etc and have a general run around. The elder has come to terms with the restrictions and is much happier for it, as are all the family! I can’t believe it when I see families out for dinner and everyone of them is on a phone or tablet, including the children - just what is the point?!? It comes down to disciplining and rationing not just for the children but the adults too, self included. I resist the urge to glance at my phone when I’m with the boys as my time with them is precious.

My daughter decided her two teenagers need a day off screens and took them into Cambridge.
She sent us a photo of them in the computer museum, playing lemmings....

I must admit im surprised at young ages some kids (even my GC) are allowed a phone these days,im no fuddy- duddy,im only just 56, but i still held on as long as i could letting my youngest son have a phone,i waited till he was almost 13 and that was only because his older brother left school& then he was on his own there.( he inherited his brothers old one) im amazed my GC have them from 9/10,but its not my decision

My DIL always made sure they wrote or did a drawing or added their own names to a thankyou notelet for gifts once a year which I treasured & told them so. This year nothing, even though they got exactly what they asked for and it cost premium postage (as they weren't available prior to Christmas for us to visit) I used to get a picture of them with gifts. I have wondered if its because I can't afford to be lavish now my income is reduced although I have explained this to my son & DiL. They're still v good gifts I save for. I've noticed the children on the in laws side don't say thanks for theirs either.

I had to laugh at your comment allule,i understand and sympathise completely...

Actually the one thing that does get their interest is a game of Ludo with granny and granda. Aged 12 and 9. We've been playing it for a couple of years and it's as popular as ever.

Most of GC are a trip away from me,only 3 being in next town,(aged 21,20& almost 6yrs) but they are busy too so i dont see them often either,my youngest GC is very busy with rainbows,( like brownies but younger) also swimming,etc and occasionally the elder 2 like an overnight stay,but we make the most of our visits.

It'll sound hopelessly old-fashioned but I think we are losing something precious - the ability to be a bit bored at home, and find something interesting to do.

"Boredom" has become something shameful that no child should have to experience! So they're endlessly trailed to events and activities. When those (often horribly expensive) distractions aren't on offer, many of them just expect screen time to fill the void. It feels like a binary way of living, to always be either out and doing/being entertained, or else at home/travelling and screen facing.

(Tho it occurs to me that a third way is: being out, supposedly for entertainment or a meal, and STILL expecting screen time! Many adults are guilty of this too.)

My grandson is 12 and my granddaughter 7... they have all the gadgets and devices. The difference in their two homes ( mum and dad split) is that just one hour a day is allowed on any screen be it tv or phones or I-pads! See ... strangely my daughter and son in law believe that they are the parents and they alone are in charge of any situation. When the kids are told ‘times up’ it means just that! They get a five minute warning that screen time is coming to an end.... and then it does. The younger one used to kick off, that’s to be expected , but kicking off and getting your own way should NEVER go hand in hand! Say it... mean it .... and just do it!! You are the boss of them when the parents are not there. Act like the adult who knows best.... because you do!

Please Google 'virtual autism.' There is a lot of evidence to show that too much screen time is harmful to children's development, especially under the age of 4.

Coolgran65.... Ludo... Othello.... works for my two as well. Or top trumps!

I negotiate screen time with my grandchildren. They set the timer themselves. We often play board games or do craft on wet days.

They love the adult attention I can provide when they are in the mood. Their parents set them sensible limits re technology so that helps. So they read a book at home too at times between all their many devices.

And I take them out lots. And try to meet up with their friends occasionally. Especially at free stuff locally in the holidays.

But it’s not always easy to get them out, I admit that. Fortunately both are quite sporty in a low key way. So the park & walks, picnics etc are good options.

And they both like cooking, so we try that from time to time...

I think my attitude is flexible re screen time: I am often grateful for the peace it provides!

Yes i have to admit screening and gaming does seem to make them 'brighter' at a younger age,but i always buy them all books too,at christmas or birthdays,as well as a toy or craft ,i don't usually buy them anything Game or screen related,( only my own youngest son) but he too loves a book still,and when he was 7 or 8 would love to read greek mythology!

I completely agree with you Saggi

I remember when mine were young, some friends would tell me how lucky I was that they had a regular bedtime and that they accepted it and stayed in bed.

Although I was restrained enough not to say it aloud I thought to myself, 'who is the adult here, you or the child'?

Ok I am not trying to say that mine were all little angels as they certainly weren't but I knew and they knew that I was the boss, the parent, and what I said went.

I think maybe a lot of grandparents just want to please the children when they visit, and so give in to the demands for screen time.

There is nothing wrong with saying 'my house, my rules' and then plan something else for them to do.

I think only suggestion for OP would be for parents to 'accidentally' forget to pack the screens next visit( or a couple of visits?) So you have to do something else,then maybe they can 'suggest' it to them that they don't need them at grans everytime as they 'have such fun' doing other things now?!

Plus we're soon on run up to christmas,so sure there will be lots to do to prepare for that,making lists,making cards or decorations,making little gifts for their parents or they're other grandparents,planning a special pre- christmas trip,etc.christmas movies( they could even make popcorn too for those?) The list is endless I for one am going to enjoy ecmvery minute,so too i think are my GC.

Sorry for typo-Meant Every minute!

Yes,you have to be a bit firm sometimes,my GD had once forgot her tablet and instantly asked for mine,but i said "no not today,sorry"& she accepted it calmly.

My solution is simple. Take the screens away and let them scream and shout and sulk until they realise that they are not getting anywhere. My grandchildren do as they are told not what they want. Do something fun outside. Buy toys like bikes swings swing all water pistols are always fun. Children today are too spoilt. It’s a shame

your house your rules?

I completely agree with Gonegirl.
No pussyfooting around and yes use them as entertainment for you’re advantage. When cooking dinner etc. Why the hell do children need constant entertainment?
My 5 and 7 year olds have tablets they are limited to 30 min a day to educational sites only eg times tables and MathsRockx, readingtree etc. They can use them after homework has been completed. If there’s no time then they go without. They have age appropriate chores to do plus a couple of clubs each. No tablets in the car or when out of the house. I refuse to raise antisocial, bad mannered children.

Put your foot down let them howl. Find a book, board game, park trip, football in the garden, tennis against a wall, care for a pet etc. Life is for living and experiencing things not staring at a screen.