screen addiction breaking my heart

My 16 year old DGD was addicted and her mum my DD took her phone away for a year while she was studying for her GCSE’s promising she would have it returned when her exams were finished. She passed all 9 GCSE’s attaining high grades something that we’re pretty sure would not have happened if she’d kept her phone. We are so proud of her but it’s ‘business as usual ‘ now the phones returned! Having said that she is extremely sociable and good fun when she’s here or when we’re out.

Arrange trips but you must be clear that screen time is one hour at x o’clock and not just ‘when we get home’ otherwise they will want to come home early. My boy of 9 was looking forward to coming home from a family in Spain to get on his xbox, it is very sad but maybe how our grandparents felt about us watching TV? Although actually they were right, we are less social than our grandparents because we all sit in front of the tv instead of women’s groups, church socials, hobbies whatever - were as bad as the kids in many ways - just a different screen, and at least theirs is 2 way - it’s social, we just watched the box.
Don’t despair, my older two were pretty addicted but the never touch it now and are both sociable and doing well at uni.

I think children need to understand that different rules apply in different places eg school and other people’s homes. We have certain rules here which we gently but firmly enforce. No playing upstairs, no jumping on the sofas, no tv unless they ask first, no helping themselves to food or drinks and no food except at the kitchen table. They moan but are getting used to it! As for phones and iPads we allow them time on them but tell them in advance that there’s a time limit. They always love to play cards or board games with us. Any major problems are reported to their parents. It’s for them to deal with.

Hello. This is my first post here but I have been reading such interesting comments that I feel I would like to join in. I live in France and have two grandsons (18 and 13) living close by. Since day one I’ve looked after them, picked them up from school, fed them and played endless games of monopoly and constructed complicated playmobil castles etc. I don’t like the screens at all because our ‘together’ time isn’t as it was. But they are restricted and I refuse to see a screen near the table when we are eating. I think my daughter got it right when one morning during holidays she drove to work with the game box and all phones and tablets. There was apparently mayhem when they surfaced but eventually one of them went for a bike ride and the other took the dog for a walk. And now the 18 year old has left for university and doesn’t have so much time for game playing, and I hope the other one will follow suit.

Welcome to Gransnet Hugo007

2 DSs and 3 DGCs came to lunch the other day. After the table was cleared dominoes,draughts and a fishing game came out and I played with youngest DGCs age 6 and 4. When I went to see what eldest DGC, his dad and his uncle were doing I found them all in the sitting roomall playing on their phones

I have my grandson and granddaughter (12 and 8) twice a week and although they also are addicted to their games, I have very strict rules about how much time they are allowed on their xbox/phone/tablet etc. One hour after school is plenty and then they know that we do other things. You need to be firm with your choice and keep to it. All children are better with boundaries - not just allowed to do what they want all the time. My daughter and son in law are in agreement which helps!!

I think it rather depends on what they have been allowed to do. My two eldest granddaughters are only allowed a certain amount of screen time. My son and his partner prefer them to go outside to play, or to paint, draw or play a board game. They are quite happy with this, it is all they have ever known. I was taken aback by a five year old visitor desperately needing the WiFi code to connect her phone!!!!

I think they are manipulating you. Don't get me wrong they don't know they are doing it.

It's very hard if the parents allow them to behave in this way.

I am lucky that my daughter and her husband take the grandchildrens tablets/game things off them when they come to stay with me, and I try and do lots of activities with them

I'm with Namsnanny on this.

From what I see on a daily basis, if ever a remake of The Hunchback of Notre Dame was mooted, the producers would have 80% of the world's population to fill the starring role.
On trains, planes, in cars and trams, hospitals, at bus stops, in cafes and bars, in supermarkets and on pavements, walking the dog, pushing prams or wheelchairs, even at tables in restaurants. People of all ages scrolling and scanning, talking and texting...drone drone...?
It's an addiction, although most won't admit it.
I often go out without my mobile.
Why on earth would I want or need to be contactable 24/7?
Am I so important?
No
As for letting children scream to get their own way...

It has been proven to be addictive. The blue thumbs up sign or the " like" fires up the reward circuit in the brain.
I heard in Silicon Valley the inventors of this stuff won't let their kids anywhere near them.

My daugher and SIL visited yesterday with my Grandchildren, girl aged 4 and boy aged 7. I have an ipad here which they can use for a limited time but the battery ran out and she sulked and moaned and pulled her face because she couldn't use it. They have toys and books, colouring books and pencils but they're not interested.

Mum and Dad make the rules ,I do as they say.Iwouldn't have wanted my mother telling me how to raise my children so I accept there may be things we disagree on but their children their decisions.
Where screens are concerned the only rule is they're not allowed them in bed .We've never had TV's in bedrooms so its just carrying on from that .My GD's make videos with their phones/kindles and love being given things to do that they can record.They bake and do a commentary,or paint and describe what they're painting and why they're using those colours and the makeup videos are hilarious.One of my GD's has a growing fan club for her vids she does all sorts of special effects and wee shows .
When I was her age ,8,my mum was always telling me to get my head out of a book .Same difference ,book/screen .

Interesting - we went to have something to eat at a local pub yesterday evening. There were 4 children ranging around 8 -12 with their parents. They were well behaved and sitting chatting to each other. We spoke to the mother on the way out and she told us they are not allowed to have phones/tablets when eating - they are banned.
How wonderful - a lot to say for their parents!!

I told my DS years ago that my DGS would become addicted to gaming. He said not to be silly. Here we are now with a 19 year old very depressed young man who will only willingly leave his bedroom on the odd occasion I ask him to come to mine and see to our dog if I have an appointment. The rest of the time he is glued to his screen. After finally moving out of his mothers house and into his dads we thought things might improve, however sadly not.
A few years ago when all devices were confiscated and he was sent to mine as ‘punishment’ I got him helping me in the garden, he made me a raised bed out of pallets, it’s not brilliant but I treasure it and he was a different lad. He also said it wasn’t a punishment, he got nice food, he was treated well, (we weren’t aware of all that was going on with his stepfather at the time), l had boundaries but they were fair and I talked instead of shouting at him.
That boy is totally unrecognisable to the (also physically weak) young man we have today.
I’m not completely anti devices and gaming, I just feel it should be limited and parents be consistent with this as we’re living with the damage it has done.
Incidentally, DGS has been referred for counselling and taken to the doctors, but has now taken to refusing to leave the house for appointments, his mum is now working with us on this, he even locked himself in the bathroom when I went to take him for a scan a few months ago.☹️ What can you do when they’re much bigger than you, can hardly scoop them up and carry them out now.

Chicken and egg Cinders, a very sad situation. Sounds very much like depression.

Heard that turning the WiFi off at a certain time each day works. By discussing this with parents may be good. Painful but works. Replace it with something fun.. good luck.

My GS is 8 and he has to 'earn' screen time by doing things such as clearing the table, helping out with entertaining younger siblings etc. It's up to the parents to impose limitations. Same rules apply at our house if he helps to set the table, unload dishwasher etc.

I think the young spend way too much time on screens but they will argue they need to use the internet for homework and so on.
My GD used to talk about fashion design and a degree in art and now she talks about online gaming and thinks she could make a living from putting stuff on youtube

My GC are 6 and 9 years and they come to stay for a week at a time. Their parents will sometimes say that time with us is screen-free time. They therefore don’t bring any pads or phones with them. Sometimes it’s really difficult to get my GS interest in anything, whereas my GD is fine doing craft things. He really misses having games to play on his screen. I’m still glad that their parents restrict their screen time and set boundaries for it.

My grandsons love their devices but I have lots of art and craft supplies and they love to paint and make things. They find art and crafting irresistible.

Mine grew out of making things, but have found their artistic interesting mindsets with making XR placards.

Get them into something interesting, and slightly dangerous. Getting arrested Kayaking with the Cubs/Scouts?

Heartbreak seems a strong term for this Mebster as others say its a sign of the times and you need to work with it a little. Are there games you can join in with your grandchildren on their devices? Talk with their parents about limiting screen time and reach an agreement, they are very young after all.
I agree with Londongran My parents were always trying to prise me away from books and make me go outside.

This is such an interesting discussion. I have just finished reading a book, written by a well known celeb, he had multiple addictions. He mentioned “watch this space” predicting the next new addiction that affects all age groups.
I regularly attend a big hospital in Manchester for check ups, they have developed a screen check in, fair enough. But then we have to watch the screen for our names, the nurse no longer comes out to shout the patient’s name. It’s quite an eye opener because many patients are on their phones scrolling, we all look up when the screen dings, then back to business on our phones. I really don’t know what the answer is, it is definitely an addiction.