Christmas and Birthdays

I would explain your circumstances to both him and your Daughter in Law and say that you won’t be sending gifts, however, perhaps then say that you could meet sometime and treat him to lunch or similar.

I don't think this is just about cards.
How utterly rubbish to be " dumped". Maybe the dumper should take a long hard look at himself.

I find facebook very handy for having a chat without it being a burden. Could you have a chat with the young man and just say you may be winding down the card thing and how is he doing?

All my 6 grandchildren live within 6 miles of us and we see all of them regularly. The eldest has just turned 18 and has just started his first job. He's managed to save a good deposit for his first little car and because he's trying hard, he will have some money this year again. Maybe next year, he'll be earning more than me, then I'll cut back quite a bit, but I can't really forsee a time when I'll give him nothing, as long as I can afford to.

Well there we have it.....6 miles or 300. I'm sure the OP didn't choose her current situation.

I have 5 gc and all presents were stopped at 18 with just a card sent on birthdays. We keep in touch with texts, me giving them bits of news and advice and they do the same. Its fine, don't feel guilty.

Nanspansy, please don't get upset about the presents, you can't afford presents and I am sure a card will be fine. I would however, get in the habit of sending a text every 4/6weeks just asking how gc are. I still buy presents, dont expect one back, but they all say thank you. And every few weeks I sent a text, sometimes they answer mostly don't. They gave me such pleasure when they were small and although I dont see them much at all I love them to bits. It must be so hard this time of year without your son, also the husband you are separated from, Christmas is hard as you get older and the people you love are not with you. I like to think my gc are enjoying life because you never know his things pan out.

I agree with others, explain the situation to your nice daughter in law and grandson then go for the card only option. You can always send a gift on special birthdays.

YES! YES! YES!!!!!

I think 18 is a good age to stop, only because as we get older they have more money than we have, don't feel bad about it, your daughter in law sounds very understanding, so have a word about it to her, you have done your bit for sure!

I have 5 g.c. and 10 ggc. Who all live within 6 miles. I love them all to bits and they all visit every sat...i buy pressies for gc but this year cutting down a wee bit on costs. GGC i put money in a christmas card .more for eldest who is 14 graduating amount down to youngest who is 2. £20 down to £5. I also normally send cards to all my friends in south africa where we spent our working lives but reducing to half this year. We are a very close family and all of them followed us back to UK when they were tiny tots. Now i'm reaching 80 i know they will understand..a christmas card i send to each family. Lucky i can still afford. Just a bit of tweaking

If you can't afford presents I would just send cards and explain to DiL. If you can afford anything I would send maybe £5 to the younger one. Don't do anything you cant afford. It obviously doesnt matter to the older one.

I agree with everything that has already been said - some sensible advice here.

I have 3 grown up sons for whom I still like to buy a pile of gifts on birthdays and Christmas, and now I also have a little granddaughter to buy for - and I love looking at the children's clothes and toys in the shops. But I see them all regularly so it's easier to maintain close relationships - they all live nearby.

I stopped buying presents for my nieces and my brothers on their birthdays many years ago, and have cut down at Christmas now too, even for their children, most of whom are no longer small. My brother has 11 grandchildren! I really don't know if anything I ever send them is appreciated, tbh. I seldom get any feedback at all, never mind a 'thank you'!

I still buy my brother at Christmas and birthday, he is younger than me and is a widower. We are pretty close and I limit that to £25.

I also buy for my only niece (his daughter) who lives quite distant but we keep in touch via Whatsapp. When she has a visit home she never fails to come see me and we make a pile of bacon sandwiches for late breakfast. Something very modest for a gift such as a piece of craft funky jewellery at about £6/£7. Her two wee ones get a Selection Box and a knitted hat with Jingle Bells on, knitted from left over wool. It's just a gesture and she does the same to me. Kind of remembering her mum who was my dear friend as well as a sis-in-law.

Adult Children and partners we try to keep to £40 each. Example.... tickets to the local theatre £20 each. Plus in M & S Outlet I found beautiful winter scarves originally £35 on sale at £5.

Adult Children who live on another continent cost a bit more. They don't benefit from childcare and sometimes a birthday gift has been to fund a family day out as our treat.
Also throughout the year I send 'gestures', just to show I'm thinking of them. A fridge magnet to DIL that seems appropriate, i.e. she is a musician. A teatowel.... etc. A colouring in book for dgs, a (charity shop) find that I know he will love, such as a silly hat or a dinosaur T shirt.