minding GC stopped for extra nursery hours

I think it's odd that it has been so sudden and unexpected. It's possible there is a good reason for the less than twenty-four hours' notice though it does seem rude not to have explained that if there was one.

I presume the parents' desire for a nursery place was known about in advance.

The mention of the other granny is puzzling.

To those who say they wouldn’t have consulted their own parents about plans for their children, that’s fair enough. But all I can say is, my mum looked after my children at considerable inconvenience to herself and it would never have occurred to me to overturn those arrangements without consulting her, and certainly not with 24 hours notice. Yes, those of us who look after grandchildren are very lucky to be so involved in their lives but so are our adult children lucky to have that kind of support. It is hurtful when they don’t appear to appreciate that.

I fully understand why the OP is upset and even angry about being treated this way, as well as sad that she will no longer have that weekly contact with her grandchild. It is possible the parents thought they were helping by relieving her of the responsibility but if so why couldn’t they ask her how she felt about that? We may be old but it is disrespectful not to consult us about our own capabilities.

I understand your hurt and upset, although it is reasonable for them to book GC in where there was a space. Yes it could have been handled differently and better but I do think that our ACs just don't really register how important this is to us as GPs - they don't seem to be able to see the GP point of view in terms of the impact on the GPs lives. This is probably partly because they are busy, partly because they haven't really thought about it.

This happened to me prety much as described. I expected to mind GS until Jan, in late Oct DIL rang me and said he had been offered a nursery place immediately for the day I had him. I know nursery places are like hens teeth and she had to say "yes" if she was going to get it, so I didn't mind. Looking after my GCs is a pleasure and I love doing it, but I have a life apart from them and I now have time for my own things. GCs are a delightful bonus but we aren't their parents and we can't demand them whenever we feel like it. We just have to go with the flow.

I do understand that OP is upset and that the AC could have been more considerate in how it was handled.

However, how OP has reacted has come across like a tantrum, with the throwing of the treats into the bin equating to throwing the dummy out of the pram.

OP_ please consider these replies carefully.
I do hope you feel a little better and don't make any big waves. I'm sure you can come to some agreement regarding seeing and/or caring for your DGC.

My DGC is many thousands of miles away and I see her on Skype once a month.

To be truthful I think OP has made it perfectly clear why things have happened the way they have. Her reactions and nasty comments about her family spell it out clearly.

I think children need to be with other children first and when thats not possible then at the GPs They have not been born to provide GP with a hobby to fill in the retirement days. There are still enough days when GC will feel poorly or has a bad cold.

I am friends with the 'other' GM and we came to the arrangemnet that if her son needed help with his childcaring she went and like wise I went for my daughter.

Please consider getting your life together and putting some space between you and your son/daughter. in the end it will be better as these days the young parents won't take any interference. We put up with it but they won't.

I sympathise with you on the lack of prior warning frantic but I have to agree with those who feel that to threaten to cut off communications and presumably not see your grandchild is a massive over-reaction - and cruel.

I have to agree with jayneeyresister in that makes this your time and don't be there last minute as you will be doing something else. As much as I sort of agree with picking your battles I think this is quite rude of them not to have given enough you more notice and is somewhat rude and entitled. When did children think that their parents should just step in to do childcare then get dropped when it suits them without a chat/thanks but no longer needed warning. I would fill my days with other things I enjoyed and if not around when they will inevitably need you again then so be it. It's the no thought for your feelings that would annoy me most.

Get a grip, frantic.

I can understand you being angry franticnana it appears you are being kept out of the loop when you have helped in the past. However you seem to be over reacting a bit by threatening to cut them out and throwing away treats etc. Give yourself time to calm down and then go out for a coffee or a drink with your daughter and explain how you feel.
Don't lose contact with your grandchildren that would be a great shame for all of you.
Have your own life as well don't focus entirely on your family, get out and about and do things you enjoy.
I have to admit to be being bossy, I was a manager in different ways for all my working life and have unintentionally upset people telling them what to do, I understand your daughter's attitude but you do need to challenge it. Choose your battles.
Good luck.

Gosh frantic - there really is no reasoning with you!! As ye sow, so shall ye reap. You have had good advice and clear warnings of what you might cause by being so angry, so I cannot think what else there is to say. I do hope you do not finish up estranged from your family.

I so wish I had a problem like yours You have been very lucky seeing them as much as you have Our twin grandchildren girl and boy who are 20 months live in the West Midlands we live in Northumberland so we have to be content with lots of photos videos etc and we only see them for a day or so every 5-8 weeks so every time we do they have changed would love to live closer but can’t at the moment At least we are retired so can go at different times to a weekend too So you have been lucky in that respect so think yourself so ?

Doh - made me laugh.

Grab hold? Think you meant grand child, Deedaa? Mad me laugh!

Oh dear you sound very annoyed. I agree with others that you should be very careful to avoid falling out over this. Given what you said I wonder if your son or daughter was worried about telling you they had secured an extra day at nursery and chose the “easy” way of not causing a row when they visited. I can see that you felt hurt but maybe you should ask them if they were worried about your reaction and reassure them that you are not going to get upset?
As others have said nurseries are often very full and the best ones will have waiting lists, things are different these days as there are few state nursery’s nearly all children now go to private nurseries and as both parents usually work these will be very full and parents have to grab a place when it comes up!
You are lucky that you are retired and have had the benefit of spending a whole day every week with the DGC many of us are not so lucky! I am still in my early 50’s and have to work full time I only see my DGC at weekends (sometimes) and other occasions dotted through the year, I am not able to help with after school care or holiday care unless I take annual leave to do so! I would have loved to be able to stay home one day a week with my lovely DGC?

Say nothing. It is their child. You have been lucky that they have trusted you to look after your gc for so long as you say you are not in the best of health. With the money and time saved send little daft gifts and notes to gc on the weeks you don't see him. He will be reading and writing soon so little books and notes. Just let him settle at nursery and parents get in the new routine. Let them know you are available, children are always catching things from nursery. Also they may have another little one that you may be called upon to look after in future. Good luck on making a sensible decision

frantic, I am more upset that you threw away food and treats that you had bought for the GC than by your frantic story of ill-treatment by your daughter whom you have presumably known all her life so might have known what to expect.

Couldn't you have eaten the food?

I am thinking of cutting them off as it is draining us both trying to cope with constant agroo

Wow - so you have gone from upset at not seeing GC enough to deciding to never see GC again and cut off the family?

You seem to have a lot of anger and dislike for them - but please do nothing hasty as you may end up cutting of your nose to spite your face.

If you want to see your grandchild I am afraid you will have to be calm about things, say you will both miss see gs and is there another day you could visit. As for cutting them off, you won't see gs again if you do. You have to be the grown up in this and sort it. There is nothing worse that not being part of their lives, you just have to alter your expectations, it is up to your d a dil to follow what they think fest about nursery, perhaps they could have handled it better but they both sound extremely busy and didn't mean to hurt your
feelings. As they grow up most people see less of gc, they make new friends and horizons expand and we come lower down the pecking order..

Perhaps if you think back to when your own children were young, when making decisions about school or nursery places, did you consider grandparents to be a part of the equation? I know I didn't. However now as a grandparent I might see the situation slightly differently. Just saying..........

I have just read your last post.
You are angry at the moment don't do anything rash and cause a split with your daughter think about your relationship with the little ones.
Could you not do as I suggested if that is at all possible.

Would it be possible to pick the children up from nursery and take them back to yours for a meal and perhaps a sleepover. That would be really special for the little ones.

I thought you liked your GC. You could think about cutting off connection with him and your DD because they were self centred? Perhaps they thought they had asked to much of you to travel so far to look after your GC and that you would be pleased not to do the journey. If they are really so busy, perhaps they just didn't think at all.

If you still want to see your GC why don't you do what someone else suggested and ask if you can do alternate weeks with other GP.

My daughter is a manager full time at a household name company. She thinks she can order everyone about and even the GC calls her "bossy boots". There is a line between work and home life which sadly she seems unable to grasp. She never comes out of manager mode and comes here arguing about anything and everything. They both have big salaries and we have never been given any travel costs- which were promised as they are a long way away. They treat us like slaves and now I am thinking of cutting them off as it is draining us both trying to cope with constant agroo - other family go out when they appear so they are very difficult to deal with - o for a quiet life !|