Receiving or not receiving cards and gifts

Actually I see both sides. I was big on presents and cards etc. As I’ve got older it more about relationships. A present and cards are nice but I get a present from my sister in law once a year and no relationship. Would rather have that. The younger generation are less on cards and it is a waste of trees! Lol. I don’t send Christmas cards now unless they live far away. I think because it means that much to you it hurts. If you have no expectations you can’t get hurt. Accept he just isn’t into cards and presents.

I’ve just re-read OP and seen that GS did send an apologetic/explanatory text. My reply to that would have been along the lines of ‘Don’t worry, that’s fine. Love you, Granny ‘
Enjoy your other cards, OP

I'm with Coco - i had written a longer version but lost it in the preview! What I did think was that you could text him saying graciously that you thought he was right, perhaps your attitude to gifts and cards does risk spoiling the relationship, and as you would never want that, and and as he is an adult now, and you are both busy people, perhaps it would be better in future not to send any, instead simply text each other occasionally when you have the time to keep in touch. That way you havent dared to criticise or correct your daughter's precious little soldier, and you have told him that he is right, so he has absolutely nothing to whinge about. Plus i might leave it to him to get in touch first, just to see how he likes being ignored!

Jinty44 - that Big Bang Theory clip is hilarious. That is all Carolb25 needs to see and I think it will make her feel lot less angry. That is how my husband is.

Thank you everyone for your responses. It's the first time I've posted and it's really helped.

I like both * Gillybobs* text but also Princesspammas message.

It IS just a card and I appreciate his long hours but it takes about a minute to send a moonpig card. Even someone working a 90hr week could manage that.

The OP is right, it’s just a way of saying thinking of you and her grandson sounds far too busy thinking of himself .

My sister doesn't send cards or presents. If I am really honoured I get a text. It's so hurtful when I always remember her birthday and send a present and a card.

I fully understand your feelings. You have a choice here. Either you swallow your pain and carry on with your relationship with your grandson and daughter or not..that simple! Accept him for who he is.
Good luck

Try not to let this worry you. Lack of gifts and cards is definitely NOT signalling lack of love. And it's nothing to do with how many generations are in a family. It's that young men in particular (and plenty of young women) are genuinely bemused by the interest in gifts and especially cards. I've had this discussion with my own grown up children and their friends. My sons probably wouldn't even bother to stand the cards up if they didn't have partners to do it for them. Interestingly, the older ones are more interested than the younger ones! I do remind them all when it is their grandmother's birthday though - and then leave it up to them.

I always get a lovely card from each of the young female members of the family, but the males send messages by text etc . To be fair the males don't see the point in cards and don't bother about receiving them. I've learned to accept that and enjoy the messages instead

I wouldn’t expect gifts and cards from a 23 year old GS and I certainly wouldn’t go on about it to him.
Speak to his mum if it really bothers you, but love is not measured in gifts and cards but is unqualified and understanding

Just stop sending him gifts and cards, then he won't feel guilty about not sending you any.

Maybe he is eco friendly. Cards are superfluous in the scheme of things and it sounds like he did think of you even if it was just to apologise for not sending a card. It may not be the way you do things but it is the way the young do things. I'd be pleased he remembered to think of you, after all, it is the thought that counts.

Carol - the majority of 23-year old men probably don't send cards anymore and don't see the point of them.

IMHO cards have always been a rip-off price for what they are and prove nothing. He could have sent you a birthday text though.

If he's your only grandchild, I wouldn't risk alienating him. Young people are working all the hours that G-d sends these days. Just write as Gillybob suggests and let it go.

You don't give to receive, you've said it yourself. I give my son many gifts but I don't expect anything back, which is just as well because he doesn't. I'm sorry but its not important to me. Give the lad a break, he can't help his ways, as you say he has always been treated with kid gloves etc....therefore he is unable to recognise your disappointment and sees it as a challenge. Just love him as you have always done and don't get into the danger zone of causing a family rift over something that doesn't really matter in the shceme of things. Just my opinion.

Try not to let it hurt or worry you. You won't change him by making him feel guilty. If he doesn't set any store by sending cards (and only he knows how he feels about you) don't send him anymore. Just text or FB. No point in jeopardising your relationship with him or your DD. Sorry, it's probably not very helpful when you feel so hurt but, for your own sake, try to forget and move on.

Well now he knows where you stand and you know where he does. Now it's time to decide how to move forward. Either continue to send him cards and gifts - expecting no reciprocation - or stop sending him these things. You can't control/change his behavior, you can only control/change your own.

I think I would let the dust settle for now, and agree to disagree. Take your lead from him, if he sets no store by acknowledging birthdays at best just send a card, that way it doesn’t look like sulking, and let’s him know you remember his birthday.

If he complains you can say you were taking the lead from him.

I’d send a card only.

I have three sons and if I didn't put the card in rather hands they wouldn't bother their Gran would be upset but think she knows it's me that does it!

I'm trying to remember the words on a card I had once front my sister and her husband, which amused me.
Something on the lines of:
Happy Birthday from both of us.
The one who remembered the date, bought the card, bought the stamp, found the address, went to the post....
And the other one.

I am absolutely sure I would never get a card from my son Bless him I know the cards and presents are his wife’s work they are even written by her however I don’t for a second doubt his love for me
I have one daughter who always gives me lovely cards and presents and her two kids have up to now but I m sure when they leave home they won’t have a clue what the date is even, I d be very surprised if it continues
My third daughter sometimes does sometimes doesn’t moneys often tight and again I ve had a card from the local pound shop before now ha ha

I do have a funny story though when my 16 year old grandson was in SA recently he brought back some presents his girlfriend got a necklace, his poor Mums present he turned all bags inside out but couldn’t find it anywhere and for me he gave me a small brown paper bag and sheepishly said I thought I d bought you a necklace but after I bought it the lady told me it was for hanging your glasses on ....even funnier as I don’t wear glasses

Most men of any age are not natural card and present buyers Please don’t take this to heart Carol your grandson sounds a polite and intelligent young man accept him for what he is

We've got one of those who's been treated with kid gloves as he's clever and sensitive - over-sensitive about his own feelings of course, but like a bull in a china shop with other people. He's been pandered to since childhood and it hasn't really done him much good as a human being. Even his own mother has despaired of him at times.
He's getting a bit better as he approaches old age but it's a bit late now. I think it's up to your daughter to lick your DGS into shape.

My son rarely sends cards - he is a Yorkshire Aussie. He sends lovely presents though - sometimes when it isn't your birthday or Christmas. I am not sure you can make people care and GCs are another step away, aren't they. I think I would just say (probably would have done at 21) that you understand where he is coming from you look forward to having a meal with him when you see him but will stop the Christmas and Birthday presents as he suggested.

My DS is now middleaged and hey, we're getting the cards and presents now! He was always anti-cards - waste of money - but I just plodded on, never forgetting but not being over-generous with gifts. They take a while to grow up these days and yes, I've come across that superior intellect thing - the midlife crisis is great!