Receiving or not receiving cards and gifts

So sorry, that was not meant for here 🤦‍♀️

Struggling with my emotions over my daughter’s miscarriage.
My daughter would have been 8 and a half weeks pregnant by now and had a scan (due to spotting) last week only to be told the heart had stopped and the fetus had stopped growing at 6 weeks. She still hasn’t miscarried and still feels pregnant. She has been told this will continue until her hormones settle. She has an appointment this morning to discuss options.
The issue is that I feel I am supporting her well but I can’t help feeling her hurt, her pain and her grief. I feel this is also compounded by my own loss of what would have been her first born and a grandchild. I sometimes feel selfish - after all, it is them who are going through it. Other times I feel I am honouring what was once a little life growing inside of her. I’m confused; has anyone else experienced this? I should also explain that my daughter is 36 and was told in November that she would need IVF to conceive - this pregnancy happened normally with no intervention - a little miracle.

He sounds quite selfish to me. For the next occasion I would donate to charity on his behalf. That way you can say you bought him a present without him actually receiving anything - that should teach him!

Not a problem Lucca. GNHQ have just contacted me via p.m. checking out the pathway. Trust all okay tomorrow dear lady!

I am intrigued with the OP first sentence which reads “Help!”

It caught my attention thought that there must be an urgent problem or situation.

How wrong was I. Mountains and molehills.

Urmstongran

Nice to see so many names though from 2017. 3 posts in, I had to check the date.
Miss you gillybobs ?

Yes, I wonder how gillybob is now.

I miss her posts.

Urmstongran

Nice to see so many names though from 2017. 3 posts in, I had to check the date.
Miss you gillybobs ?

Hi UG. Having difficulty replying to your PM but thank you !

Nice to see so many names though from 2017. 3 posts in, I had to check the date.
Miss you gillybobs ?

my son always gave me a birthday/christmas card until he had his own family, i get a phone call and a text wishing me a happy birthday and he will put money in my bank, i don't mind not getting cards, i still send cards to them and the gc. people have changed over the years, life for younger people is busier these days. maybe you should not bother with a card next time and just send him a happy birthday text.

lemongrove

Carol I wonder if he has Aspergers? Does sound rather like it to me.
Either way, send him a card but maybe give up presents now he is older ( I always sent cards for my DGP’s birthdays) although once I grew up, they just sent a card.Which seems right, once you are an adult.
It’s hard for you, but you may have to accept that it’s just the way he is.

I thought the same especially when you say the way he was arguing and intellectualising.
I think you just have to accept him the way he is. Lots of people have stopped sending cards nowadays. We haven't but I have friends who have. As the postage has gone up it seems a way to cut down expenses. My DGC are still very young but I expect to keep sending gifts even when they are adults.

Carol left the room in November 2017
She’s not there.

Oh goodness, I hope the problem is sorted by now !

I don’t think you should have mentioned it, my only son, unmarried, will text, my older grandchildren will text, and I am more than happy with that.

The little ones are still at the stage of enjoying buying cards and gifts, but I’m sure it will pass.

Thanks mapleleaf, wonder why it was resurrected. The GS should now be 28, hope he is now more thoughtful

Just checked the date mapleleaf. Thanks.

It’s a sign of the times and I’m used to this with my sons. They are lovely lads but if they didn’t have wives I would probably be in the same boat as you. Youngest son still on his own and probably needs prompting for birthdays definitely man age thing.

This thread was started 5 years ago …

Maybe the time to stop. I keep sending cards, but stopped presents. Would be nice to get a message or call but don’t expect it anymore.

Maybe just send a card next year and not a present, it shows you are still thinking of him. If he is too self-absorbed to return the thought, then he won't (or shouldn't) notice the absence of a gift you have taken the time to post.
And when he finally grows up, and starts thinking outside his small circle, you may start receiving cards again, which will be nice for you.

In this electronic age it is still nice to receive a card though the post, and I am sure the younger generation like receiving them too. However without lumping them all under the same umbrella (because they are not all the same), there are some who are just me me me. They don't think about returning the thought by sending cards. Whereas other do. The one day that younger (late teens, 20's) will send cards is Valentines. But again this is sometimes more about the sender than the receiver.

Years ago I sent my nephew (and his new wife) a lovely cut glass vase as a wedding gift. The one time you should send thank you notes is for wedding gifts, but no card, no email, no text nothing to thank me. And no acknowledgement of this year's birthday present.
I know there will be no thank-you next year as I have decided to stop. There are no problems in the family he is just not thinking of others.

Rather an old thread !

Lots of great advice here, but few addressed the emotions involved as a result of being ignored by family members. When you don’t even receive an e-card or a text that acknowledges your birthday, or that you’ve had major surgery, or ‘Hey, thinking of you during the holidays,’ one is left feeling like an invisible nonentity. So, I’m sorry, Carolb25. But know that you’re not alone.

I think men rely on the women in their lives to keep track of birthdays, presents etc mostly.

In my family both sides and in laws, especially elderly relatives get cards and presents. I sent both my grandmothers cards and presents until they passed.

I remember fondly the fun of sending my Nan a large round box of chocolates for her 80th. She was surprised at the size and it made her giggle. It tooks to eat them.

There is no cut off point for love, unless by the non reaction, it means stopping sending presents is the best decision.

I was just about to post a stiff message saying exactly what my feelings were about this arrogant and selfish young man. then I realised that grandetante had already expressed my views perfectly.

If his mother makes any comment just say that he has told you that card sending and gift giving damages close relationships so you are respecting his opinions and refraining from doing so.

I accept my eldest grandson doesn't do cards, he likes to receive them though. I have continued to send him cards and presents and he does acknowledge them, this year I will stop the gift and just send a card. I will carry to sending cards to all my family, birthdays and christmas, whether I get one back or not. I want them to know I am thinking of them.

I would expect thank you notes from an adult gs, but not cards and gifts in return. The fact that gs apologized for not sending you anything shows his heart is in the right place. Responding to that by a lecture probably hurt him and made him defensive. That would explain the harsh text accusing you of an "obsession."

Please don't tattle to dd (dear daughter). Why upset her? Besides, he's an adult. She can't make him send a card/gift or apologize for his offensive message. It will only hurt your relationship with gs further if he finds out you complained to his mum.