Supporting granddaughter

nannynoo, my grandchildren live with their dad, he is a wonderful father and they adore him, my daughter was a loving caring mother ,afored the children then the breakdown, her son says he remember when she was fun and a great Mum, the girls five and seven years younger don't want to remember, I think they hold onto their anger because it is an easier emotion to deal with.

I am saddened my daughter is missing so much love and laughter but cannot get through to her.

You grandson is blessed he has you.

Blast it - edit button. the school welcomed my involvement - so did my grandchildren.

Hello Annibach, so sorry to read your granddaughter is struggling. The comment from head of 6th form says it all doesn't it, a lovely girl and always so happy. It's classic with good girls isn't it, big smile, kind and happy on the outside, well motivated, always work hard but often paddling like mad under the water to keep going.
School obviously have a good understanding of the impact of your daughter's health problems on her children. Is it a mixture of pride and shame that leads your grandchildren to expect you not to be entirely open with school, e.g. about the recent suicide threat? I empathise with them and with you but, sometimes we have to be more open with certain professionals than we may be under less dire circumstances. I can see the conflicts you may feel when wanting to respect your grandchild's wishes but also recognising that knowledge is power so far as school supporting her and her desire to go to Cardiff.
Does your son in law have a trusting relationship with the school? He's the person with parental responsibility - but having been in a fairly similar situation, I know the school welcomed my involvement xx

Anniebach your grandchildren are so lucky to have you and it is good they have a close bond with each other. Is Cardiff far away from you? If your granddaughter doesn't get into uni there might be a college in Cardiff with a pre uni course to suit her. Some young people find a stepping stone between school and uni a benefit. My DD2 found that and was better able to cope when she went to uni.

Hi Anniebach sorry to hear all this , does your Granddaughter live with you or with her Dad?

I understand about the actions of the parent messing up the child , believe me , I deal with the fall out of it myself or rather my Grandson does

He has Autism and is 9 years old and cannot tell me how he is feeling as he only has partial speech so his feelings come out in his behaviour , bless him

My daughter is an alcoholic who supposed to be in recovery but I am not completely sure she is , my Grandson is settled with me and has been living here for 2 years now

I worry about him too but I honestly feel WITH OUR LOVE AND SUPPORT they will indeed be FINE xx

We will get them through their storms in life x

Head of 6th telephoned me, she will speak to head and get back to me Monday to let me know what they can do to support her need to be in Cardiff,

She said - she is such a lovely girl and always so happy

Come August look out for a thread from a Grannie who will/may be in need of cheering up as she packs for third grandchild to leave home

Thank you all so much

If, only if, she doesn't get into the university, is there another way she could still go to live in Cardiff? Would it be possible for her to get a job and maybe live with one of her siblings?
I'm only suggesting this as a sort of fall back position so that she could maybe think all would not be lost and maybe not worry quite so much.
I think other posters are probably right though, about special circumstances.
Also, as with Hillyn's daughter, my daughter's teacher also phoned the University when one of my daughters didn't get the expected grades, and she did get in, so there are lots of options.

What a sad story, I'm so sorry. It must be heartbreaking for you. Regarding your granddaughter, is there any way special circumstances can be taken into account with her A Levels? I live in Scotland and there is provision for that here.

My feelings about the incident with your daughter is that school should know, but that it should be confidential.

Thank you all so much, I really felt so lost when I posted . I telephone the school and will have a telephone appointment with head of 6th form, I can't go up there granddaughter will see me .

The secretary who took my call said about my grandchildren - they have had a hard time , we know you have been there for them through it all.

My grandchildren have always refused to go to the nurture room where children can unload problems , when it all started they were told they could go there whenever they needed to, they said - no thank you, we have Grannie !

morethan, my beautiful daughter has bi polar and about nine years ago turned to alcohol to self medicate, seven years ago she left the family home , is an alcoholic and has lost touch with reality .

One more question please .

A month ago my daughter sent the girls a text late at night saying she was going to take her life, they phoned the police and with their father had to go to daughters house because she wouldn't open the door, she finally did , she had cut herself with a stanly knife , she has no recollection of it now. This is just one incident of many over the years .

Should I tell the school how bad things are for my grandchildren? They would be upset if they knew I had told but I have to put my granddaughter first yes ?

I don't know the answer to this but I do know how you feel. My 19 year old granddaughter is facing the same stress. I also think I can answer your "No idea why I am saying all this to you" in my case it's because when I find somthing upsetting it helps to get it off my chest and this is a anonymous place to do it. Just the writing it down seems to help. I also if I'm sure I won't upset them too much I tell my husband, trusted sister or aunt. My poor son always tells me first. He often doesn't tell anyone else. When I ask him if I can do anything or if he's alright he tells me. "I'm ok I just need to tell someone(it often doesn't do me much good as many of my recent posts testify) I hope this all turns out well for you granddaughter. I don't know your back history with your daughter but I think it's wonderful that your granddaughter has you. Loving and caring is hard somtimes isn't it.

Given the home problems and stresses it might be an idea for the school to apply for special consideration now, before the results come out.
In fact if it had been done already it is possible that she might have been allowed extra time in the written exams. I can remember doing this successfully for a student whose mother had been diagnosed with breast cancer at Easter before her A levels and was in the throes of chemo during the exam period.
Is your GD's school likely to be sympathetic?

I remember when my DD went to pieces in her A level maths exam and didn't get the grade she needed despite A grade coursework. Her teacher actually rang the university to explain that she really had the ability and they accepted her anyway. She went on to get a 2.1 in her degree, won a prize for the best final year project, then achieved an MSc and now has a very good job in Biostatistics. So it may help to tell your GD this story?

Do not worry too much. I know it's easy for me to say. Here is the story of my own DD. She only got D and E grades in her A levels, and was devastated as she had applied to the University of East London to study Anthropology. She attended her University interview, gave them her coursework to read, and was offered a place on the strength of her coursework alone. She spent three happy years there, gained a good degree, and was offered a job with one of the lecturers as his assistant in a research project he was working on. Unfortunately she had already accepted a job offer near home, and wanted to come back north as she was engaged to her boyfriend and wanted to make future plans.
She is now his wife and the mother of my four beautiful grandchildren.

Anniebach, it is so sad that these lovely, hardworking young people, have so much stress over their exams. I know of two young Mums, and there must be lots more, whose beautiful daughters are really struggling with the pressure that they are under. Is it the schools that want the results to show them, the school, in a good light? Why isn't there more support for the youngsters? They know they can do the work, as shown by the course work, but when the exam rears it's ugly head, they just seem to almost fall apart, with nerves. I don't know what the answer is, but luckily, the two I know of, have very supportive parents,but the stress is not doing them any good either. My heart aches for them.