Are you a subversive grandma?

My elder GS and I used to make a point of doing something 'naughty' when he was small. It was usually something very minor like 5 minutes extra TV, but he loved it. When DDs were young my FIL used to serve them lemonade and chocolate biscuits in the morning when we stayed. We turned a blind eye and it doesn't seem to have harmed them.

I always try to respect my DS and DIL's rules, for one year old DG , no sugar etc. I cook everything from scratch for her, lots of vegetables, fresh fruit etc. However, I discovered other gran gives her what I would term as junk food. Other gran even gave her Nutella a few months ago, despite the fact that my own children have a nut allergy and one has to carry an epipen. I was horrified.
Today I confess, I gave her a white chocolate button for the first time!

Is it being subversive if the parents know what's going on? Things are different at my house and we all know it. It's a space to chill out and relax. I don't have to organise the school/nursery run, or make sure there is food and the washing is done. So we can order pizza and we can watch TV while we eat it. We can have special treats and we can go special places. My mum and dad were the same with my children, so they know grandparents are special.

Anya where did you get that notice from?

I love to indulge to a certain extent, and their parents are happy with that as I don't go too much against their rules. I do think, politesse, table manners and no tablets/phones at the table are far more important issues.

Well said, trisher.

I would add that feeding a child perfectly good food (pizza) and letting them watch suitable TV is not subversive; it's normal behaviour. People who ban such things completely are the ones with weird ideas. Please note the word completely.

I have a similar notice Anya and one of the rules on mine says "always share your chocolate" DH has stuck a small post-it note over it saying "not in this house". The DGC think it's hugely funny that grandad won't share his precious chocolate!

Agree thatbags. I only really remember one of my grandparents and he died when I was 13. But I have lovely memories of trips to the cinema with him with sweets or ice cream in the break between films. It was a little 'spoiling time' for my sister and I. I don't undermine my grandchildren's parents but sometimes treats and allowing some silly behaviour shows them that we are human too!

Annifrance sorry I can remember, it's lost in the mists of time. Can you remember where you got yours Gilly?

I was told at 11 mos, there were to be no Teletubbies until age 2 . Nothing was said about Peppa Pig or Ben & Holly for a half hour here and there! I think mum knows, especially if DGD is a bit unwell or had a busy day at nursery, plus she's gone back to work and has relaxed quite a bit about things.

I have three grandsons who love to come and visit us I would always respect my DD & SILs rules about behaviour and certain food or drink they are not allowed but part of life is for grandparents to spoil their grandchildren so a few sweets and little late night when staying with us is not going to ruin their lives. I alway tell my DD anything that happens and if she didnt like it im sure she would say. Being a grandparent is supposed to be fun not complicated.

I babysit my DGD (3) very rarely because of distance.
When it's happened, I've been told what is normal for them re TV, biscuits etc but also told not to hold out if she seems upset as it's OK to relax the rules once in a while.
All happy!

My DDs have rules for their children, but they do get bent a bit when they are with us - nothing outrageous, just things like being allowed to eat lunch in front of Sarah and Duck. Some of these things have become sort of rituals in our house - different from the ones in their own, but not actively bad for them in any way.

In some ways I am stricter - please and thank you are a must here - no "I want" allowed!

With first grandchildren I was given quite specific instructions when they were babies. From toddler onwards it's been Gran's house Gran's rules. Obviously if parents feel very strongly about something I wouldn't undermine them. What I say is as a grandparent I fulfill a different role.

Why do mum and dad always arrive to collect DGS when we're watching Shaun The Sheep or Wallace And Gromit for what seems like the zillionth time? I'm sure they think I sit him in front of the tv, when I collect him from school on Fridays and just leave him there. He is autistic and loves routines but there's more of them than tv at my house. We make up stories to act out, play our own games that involve letters and easy spellings and general knowledge, make cakes (that he won't eat!), look at books (he'll only allow me to actually read to him at bedtime and he can't read himself yet), go to the park - all the things you want to do with DGC. Doesn't matter whether it's Friday night or Saturday morning after a sleep-over, his parents always arrive when we're watching something he likes

Can u make a special thing for the grandkids to do or have when at yours? Nothing that the parents have specified as a no?

Common sense should be order of the day. I would never do anything to directly undermine my daughter -life is difficult enough bringing up children as it is. But Nan and Grandad represent really good days out, pocket money and goodies and a fun holiday every year. That's how we have spoiled them. Cost an arm and leg though

You are brave! I would not dare do that. Also aren't you setting yourself up for a fall when they say 'no more contact' if you cannot obey the rules of our parenting? The child is theirs after all not yours (much as you would like it to be :-)) I would love to have a house full of children again.

I think I am more strict than their parents. I always insist on please and thank you, and washing hands, tidying toys up when not being played with. They still love to come here. We have a great time doing jigsaws or playing board games which they don't seem to do in their house where ipads rule.

I'm glad to say I don't have any need to be subversive with my DGC.
However, I used to get very annoyed with in-laws when they gave our children endless sweets and continued to smoke around them despite being asked not to. Even so I would never have stopped them visiting as the relationship is too important.

My son remembers his childhood as a happy and fun filled one and so has tried to incorpoate the same into his family life. so he has never pushed any rules on their stay or visits as.he trusts me to do my best with them. Remind your son of his childhood!

We always respected our DD and SIL's wishes - mostly

I think I bought it in a National Trust (or similar) gift shop Anya and Annifrance although I have had it a while. Sorry can't be any more help.

Thankfully none of our DC impose any rules on what we do/give/buy/feed our DCG,
Result, happiness all round.

Its anything goes at DDs house. Sweets and rubbishy food galore and all the TVs on at once. Both DGSs are plugged into I pads.
Its good food here or no treat, TV only on CBeebies and only at certain times and with one of us watching it with them. Otherwise its walks to the playground, board games and stories stories stories. No cheek permitted and actually not seen. Gratifyingly they seem to love being here and we love it and them too. It must show but in a different way from their home.

The most subversive thing I've ever done was to give my grandson a vuvuzela (remember the racket those made when the World Cup was held in South Africa?). However that subversion backfired on me because he didn't have enough puff to blow it and it sank without trace.