Guilty and looking for coping methods

If you 'don't do bodily fluids' then you can't have him to stay, which is very sad.I had to change my disabled Grandson's nappies until he was nearly eight years old.If you love the child and want them to be happy with you, then just do it.

My 3 year old grandson uses a nappy overnight. My 18 month old granddaughter uses one all the time. We cope. I think you will cope with your much loved 4yr old, surely ? Just do it. You will miss so much if you don't try to get over your distaste of bodily fluids. We all have them. It's nature.

As rosesarered says, it's a non-starter isn't it as clearly if you're unprepared to change his nappies then there's no way he's going to stay with you.
Apart from paying for a carer to stay at the same time (which would be pretty expensive and ludicrous imo) then that's it, sadly.

Would it help if you wore latex disposable gloves when you change him or is it more than just touching the soiled nappy that upsets you?

Come on SupernannyA. Think of your name. It's the same as changing a smaller child. My grandson only has a nighttime nappy just in case of accidents and hes only a bit younger than yours. Just brace yourself. You must have changed him when he was younger? Grin and bear it and just think of him as your lovely little grandson who through no fault of his own needs a bit of extra help. Don't think of your own offspring who were unusually early in their potty training achievements. Just try it and you might surprise yourself and the little boy will have a special time with his Supernanny!

I'm puzzled, SupernannyA. Don't you have 'bodily fluids' of your own? And how do you cope with those?

I don't understand this either... but if you have space and finances then pay an agency nanny to come and stay with him and deal with the body fluids.

what did you do with your own kids???

SupernannyA, I always found it a bit difficult to change the nappies of friends' babies, actually. It was just different, because it wasn't my own child. However, this wee boy is yours. Does his mum/dad know you have a bit of a problem with this?
The wee lad wants to come and stay with you, because he must love being with you! Try to think of the dirty nappy simply as something that has to be dealt with quickly, because he'll be uncomfortable and sore if it isn't done. Get some latex gloves, a pack of nappy-sacks etc and just blether away to your grandson as you tidy him up.

At least it wouldn't be terry nappies - they are disposable nowadays. Is it the smell of the faeces or just any sort of wet nappy that bothers you?

I do not think there is a solution that anyone else can suggest; because the solution lies in your hands and no-one else's. If you are really sure that you cannot deal with his nappies, then there is nothing to be done, and you will miss out on the fun of having him to stay, and so will he.

But if you are willing to try and work out a way forward, then you will reap the rewards.

Only you can decide if you are prepared to give it a go, and if it is worth giving it a try.

I am intrigued at people who say they do not do bodily fluids - have they never had sex I wonder?!

I have a niece who is phobic about blood and faints at the sight of it - I have no idea at all how she manages with her periods!

Maybe not such a super nanny then.

You obviously don't feel the same love for your Grandson as we do.
My Grandson is 9, if he had a disability that meant I had to change him, so be it.
Remember, you might be in care one day,there's a possibility that you will have to be changed and cleaned up by a younger person.

That's harsh Marmark and uncalled for.

I wouldn't like to change a 4-year old's nappy either. But, bless him, he wants to stay with you. Perhaps you just have to bite the bullet and get on within, or forgo the pleasure of his company.

Best not to have the little chap stay, if you feel so strongly about this he could sense the tension in you and he what matters

Could his Mum come with him or someone else who does not have this phobia ?

Petra You obviously don't feel the same love for your Grandson as we do.
How could you say that to another GNer? That's beyond unkind.
You have obviously no understanding of phobias.
Phobia is quite different from mere distaste and is an irrational fear over which the sufferer has no control.
Supernanny you didn't actually say whether or not you were actually phobic, others have inferred it.
If you are, it might be worth considering hypnotherapy or some other form of therapy to help you overcome it and enjoy your relationship with your GS.

I can't stand sick, even when my own children were sick, if DH was home he had to clear it up.
I didn't mind baby sick - possetting, but proper vomiting ugh ugh!

By the way Supernan I do not think you should feel guilty - if you find it hard, then that is as it is. But you might think about choosing to get some help with this in the interests of the great joy that you will have with your DGS.

I have a friend who cannot deal with vomit, her own or anyone else's. When she went on to have two children something had to give and she went for hypnotherapy to help her cope. Just one session made it all so much easier for her to deal with and now, some four or five years on, she's had one top-up session but essentially, the problem has been resolved. It was money well spent.

Maybe it's something worth thinking about, Supernanny?

SupernannyA I'm just wondering of there are practical strategies you can use to help you to deal with nappies. So for instance putting some Vicks on your nose to deal with the smell and wearing latex gloves to avoid touching anything directly.
It can be difficult I know. I have a dear little friend (with disabilities) who's almost six, but still in nappies and it isn't easy changing him. If it needs doing on the odd occasion I'm babysitting then I just end up biting the bullet and getting it over with as quickly as possible. At the most a dirty nappy is usually only produced once a day.
I do hope you can find some way of dealing with your problem so that you and your grandson can spend the time together that you would obviously both enjoy.

Supernanny - I can't say that I particularly enjoy cleaning up nappies etc. - particularly the etc! But you just have to grit your teeth, breathe through your mouth and not your nose, and just do it.
Prepare everything beforehand, disposal bag, wipes, fresh nappy and even gloves if that is what you feel better using. Love conquers all and loving your DGS as you do you will manage and the more you do it the easier it will get. He will be thrilled to stay with you and that will be reward enough.
Nothing worthwhile is every simple or easy for everyone I promise you but such an effort will bring it's own reward.
Let us know when you decide to go for it and how you get on.

I am a surrogate nanny for a now 3.5 yr old and have also brought up my own GD and it is different to your biological children,but actually you do get used to it,my neighbour is a childminder and have helped out and done different bums ( some real stomach churners) at times...but I love the cuddle after.My neighbour is also a carer for the elderly and swears by vick under the nose,peppermints,and latex gloves are mandatory...good luck I guess you are beating yourself up over thisxx

I'm very sympathetic towards the OP as I gag easily. I didn't know about the Vick under the nose and will store that info up. When the DGCs came to visit I some how got used to their individual odour. But I really think there is no need for the OP to feel guilty or to be made to feel guilty.