taken for granted

This is what I meant be not letting it blow up,out of all proportion.

You have to sort this out PDQ.

And I suggest that your husband, who escalated it, is the one who needs to speak to her - if he can be trusted not to make things worse.

Thanks everyone. They had originally booked a party at my husbands golfclub 5 weeks ago to which we were all going. She said on thursday at 11am that she couldn't get a babysitter in the end so much to my hubby's displeasure she asked him to cancel it 3 weeks before!! He was very upset. I then received a copy of a txt at 12.45 she sent round saying party's off but we're headed to town and party at theirs after. No mention of us involved. No request for us to have the kids overnight. I obviously read between the lines! My hubby was even angrier when I told him what happened yesterday. He rang her and accused her of 'stitching ' me up and cancelling just so we could have the kids over night! Not a nice expression i know but he was so hurt and so she know no longer wants to see us. I don't know what to do . Heartbroken here. It's our grandaughter 3rd birthday tomorrow and she's said we can't go.

Falconbird.
Try not to let them 'make' you feel bad. It's definitely unreasonable to expect GPs to be constantly available regardless.

Does your daughter usually ask or does she normally just assume?

If she normally does ask then her reaction might have been rather abrupt because she realised she'd genuinely forgotten to ask and her plans would be in jeopardy. Of course there's always the possibility she did ask and you've forgotten.

30th birthdays are considered rather special by this generation. Perhaps a text just to ask if the GC will be staying over that night as you're a bit confused by her reaction? Best not to let things get blown up out of all proportion.

I posted on another thread about my dil who said I was irritating because she always had to ask me to babysit - well how else would I know she needed me.

I think sons and dils think we sit about all day having a wonderful time and are always gagging to babysit. (Well I do love it.)

I've only let them down once because I was recovering from flu and my gd had a nasty virus with a fever and I didn't want to catch another infection.

My refusal wasn't well received I can tell you and I was made to feel selfish.

I should just get busy yourself so that you are not always available and she knows that she will need to consult your diary before she arranges anything.

That was just rude and self-centred. I look after my grandchildren regularly and am quite often called in like the cavalry to take on extra care – there are quite a lot of them so someone is bound to be going to the doctor/attending a school disco/got a dentist's appointment/having a parent-teacher meeting and so on and so on. Absentdaughter expects me to step in and help out – and that kind of taking for granted is fine by me, as it's part of the reason I moved to be close to her – but, without fail, she always asks as soon as she knows that she needs some extra help. She always thanks me afterwards too.

Yes, definitely disrespectful but perhaps best to remain calm. You've made your point (quite rightly) but not worth falling out over. I've just had three days of grandparent duty and am exhausted, so I think you do brilliantly to put in all those hours.

marfin41, what usually happens when you babysit, and when they went on holiday? Were you asked then?
Your DD's reaction seems quite unreasonable even if she did think you already knew you'd be babysitting. She only needed to say "I asked you last week, remember." or "Oops, I forgot to ask you." or whatever.

Marfin, I so feel for you. I've just had a similar experience. Yes, I love spending time with the DGC but isn't it just so galling not to be asked? I hope you can sort it out without too much tension.

Hello Marfin, welcome.
I think you are certainly being taken for granted, and your DD needs to realise this.It needn't be a big bust up though, and would be better if it's more a quiet word the next time you are together. I think this is a common problem for Grans.Our grown up children need to know that we are not simply unpaid nannies.

Certainly disrespectful. I think she will want your help before you need hers! Perhaps she'll turn up with some flowers and an apology. In the meantime .

x

It sounds like she knows that she is being demanding or

there isnt a chance that she thinks that it is you that wants the kids all the time?

And I would have had she asked properly. Now...no way unless she apologises

Oh dear it does sound like she's taken it for granted that you will babysit while she enjoys her birthday. I don't blame you for being mad , its always nice be asked..
I hope you manage to sort things out with your daughter marfin